1sweetie You really got to me with your answer to my post

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Jul 1, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I understand how you feel as my husband was just in the ICU for 2 .5 days and I was there only a few hours every day if that long, it took me so long to walk to the ICU and then I was hurting and out of breath and his nurse would ask me if I was ok as she thought I was so pale. I felt so silly that she was fussing at me because I was pale I am always that way just more some days .

    But I felt bad that I could not be there for my husband as i wanted to be. But partly it was the hubby who was sending me home as he didn't want me to get sick which I did any way.

    I have been trying to put this illness in it's place but so often it does not have one. I try to do the best that I can and yet like you I still feel that I am not doing enough.
    My oldest daughter tells me often that she does not want kids as she feels that they would not get the love and affection that they need because of me whinning about my pain and that I would not be able to spend time with them. And she feels that she missed out on things in her life due to other complatctions in our lives.
    I think she would make a good mother but she needs to learn to have compassion for everyone not just a choice few.
    I feel like our kids have missed out on things that taught them to have compassion for others , to accept others for who they are not what they can or can't do or in my case what meds I take. I don't know what is missing but there is something that they didn't get that I had.

    I see life so differently from my oldest daughter . I cry more easily, I hurt for others in bad times and she sometimes does but not if it has not realtion to her life. I don't know what I could have missesd in her life for her to feel like she does.

    Having Fibro and MPS you look at the world in such a differnt light.Instead of being about to do the "NORMAL" things in life, we have to so the small things. I know that when I "Clean my house " Pick up the living room and load the dishwasher I feel like I really have done a lot that day and to the outside world I have done just the bare minium of what a wife and mother should be doing.

    I do things like you small things. Just going to the doctor takes presious energy from me. Ppicking up my scripts is so tiring for me that I have to have my husband pick them up , I just can't stand and wait for them and then be able to move.

    I know that you would give anything to be with your hubby and I feel in my heart that he knows that you are there with him in sprit and soul. HE can feel that you love him and how worried you are for him. I too have been married for 25 year last sept. And if I didn't have this we could have done something other than go out to dinner. And call it a night. I never thought that dinner and a movie would so exhusting for me and that by the time the 7pm movine was done so was I. And I leave and go home in pain and have to go to bed. Where is the romacne in that?

    I have a quote for you
    " Just take thins one day at a time, otherwise you'llbe over whelmed"
    Gorden B. HInclkey
    Here is one that may help you
    " True love is not so mucha matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well-being of one's companion." SAme Author.
    This is not what anyone of us had planned for our lives and as much as I dispise this for taking my other life away I still struggle with that lose and it still hurts as my head thinks I can do what ever I want and my body won't do it. I get so angry at htis for robbing me of so much that I could have had but as I am finding out anger only hurts me.
    As much as I wish I didn't have this I do and feeling sorry for my self is the easy thing to do and I admit I am the first one to do it . It is so much harder to find the good in this. Like I do get to spend time with my grandson and even though I see him once a month he does things with me that he does not do with the grandma that he sees every day. That does make me feel better about things but I want so much more.
    How I wish I had the answer your looking for . I scense in you just how much you love your husband and that in your heart your with him now. I know that it must be so hard for you to not be able to do what you want to do. Call him when you can share how you feel about him , let him know that you love and respect him and just how sweet he is to you.
    LIfe is not fair I know.And aaaalthough we want to change out lives we can't and that bites . but we still can do some things . Tell your daughter how you feel about her live and her choices, LIfe was differnt when we were kids.
    I had Gramdma's that loved me but the one that gave me the most affection lived 700 miles away and I only saw her for 1 week in the year. AS we live in Utah and she lived in Magrath Alberta Canada.
    It was too far to go every few months so I only got to see Mom's side of the family once a year and those cousins I don't know but then the other Grandma was not the huggy type and she lived in the same town and we had sunday dinner with her every week.

    When my Grandma R. passed away I missed her so much . My other Grandma passed away a year and a few months after my dad had passed away in 1970 . Daddy passed away in 1969 9 days before I was 13.

    I quess what I am trying to say is to let your family know that dispite the things you can't do you can and do love them with all your heart. Maaybe if they had kids you could not pick them up but you could love them and share that love in other ways . I have my daughter pick up my grandson so I can hold him . I didn't dare walk around with him in my arms when he was small as I was afarid I would drop him or tripp but he knows that I love him and he loves me too.
    So show them that side of you , the side that cherishes each one of them. Let them know what a gift they are to you and let you husband know that he is still that wonderful man you married those years ago. LIfe is not what we want it to be. So I guess we have to make it the best it can be .
    I hope and pray that your husband gets well soon and gets to come home. See if a neighbor would take you to the hospital for a short visit with him , if you can do that.
    TAke care of you , Be happy . and smile. YOu are loved
    Here are some hugs for you.