22 yrs of working and FM won I feel so lost. I need help PLEASE

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cinnveet, Oct 18, 2006.

  1. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    I have not posted in some time. I have been very busy trying to keep my job. I had a major flare that wont go away. 4 months now.

    I have been bullied by my mgr. He has told my co-workers they are not to speak to me personally, only if it is business related. So, when the girls talk about what they did over the weekend, their families, etc... they are not allow to include me.

    My Mgr told my co-worker that she is no longer allowed to carpool with me. The hostile working conditions got me so sick I went from a size 16 down to size 12 in 2 months.

    I am a very hard worker and use to be very well liked by my co-workers and I am still very well liked by other supervisors from other departments.

    There was incident reports that supervisors witness of my mgr and turned him in to HR on 3 separate occasions. Since then my life at work has been a living hell.

    The way my mgr would bully me would blame me for errors that were not errors but would not allow me to respond as he would raise his voice to me "DONT YOU DARE CHALLANGE MANAGEMENT!". Insults and put downs in front of other co-workers. He would take all my co-workers out to lunch every week and exclude me every time. Discounting/denial of accomplishments. Whispering, to co-workers in front of me then when he was done would look at me like "yep its you I am talking about" Monitoring all my calls. Stealing credit. Inconsistent compliance with rules (what's expected of me per our employee handbook is not expected of everyone else. And I can go on and on.

    What broke me down finally after having many tears in front of co-workers after he would belittle me, was an email that I found in the printer from a co-worker sent to my mgr, who was mocking me for having a head cold and wanted to start a lottery on if I would show up for work the next day. (and I did show up) I even rcvd an award for the first 2 quarters of perfect attendance.

    I finally called HR myself. They will be doing an investigation. I am scared to death. I tried to be strong and show up to work but it was like I had stage fright and would throw up so bad before work.

    I am now waling with a cane, my legs feel like they have charlie horse in both of them to the point my feet turn inward. my neck is stiff as a board, my jaw keeps locking up, cant keep anything in my stomach, my back is in terrible pain. cant sleep and have terrible night mares.

    I started to see a wonderful counselor. She told me that my body cant take anymore as it is breaking down and I am very close to ending up in the hospital. So, I called out on disability while they investigate, and they are looking into if they also consider this to be workers comp as well.

    I am truly sorry for such a long post. But I am desperate for any advise, or any prayers. Or how to stop the tears from rolling down my face right now.

    Thanks for spending the time reading this.
    Love and God Bless,
    Cin
  2. Pennygirl2

    Pennygirl2 New Member

    Hi cin, That is just terrible what you are going thru. I am glad you are at least getting some counseling. Do not be embarrassed about it. You are under tremendous amount of stress just with illness and then to work full time and be treated such--you just can't keep this up.

    You might try to come here a little more often for some caring support. I was so touched by your story, I had to write myself. I have not worked since Mono started all the stuff in Dec, 89. I am fortunate that I had a husband to support me financially. He is now retired and very ill himself with kidney failure and dialysis, so my financial and marital situation will change.

    But it is just too hard to work full time. I think you talked about disabililty. I hope you can get workers' comp also. Can you possibly make it at another job, part-time. I just cringe to see you going through this because it will simply make you worse. Please know there are many here who care and will be praying for you. Hugs, Penny
  3. Bet2

    Bet2 New Member

    Where was your HR department through all of this? My boss would be thrown out on his ear if he did that to any of us. And most conmpanies work that way because they are afraid of a lawsuit.

    And girl if what you are saying is what happened than you definitely have one on your hands. I don't know how big the company is that you work for but if it is a corp, they are not going to like hearing from a lawyer.

    You are better off in every way, not being there. Nothing is worth putting up with that kind of abuse.

    God Bless You and Good luck to you.

    Bet2

  4. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    You really need to call a lawyer .This treatment I believe is illegal.

    They can not demand people not talk to you or car pool with you. This is hostile work environment He also can not yell at you or belittle you.I also think its illegal to show favoritism to employees in most companies. Have you ever been counseled from him in writing ? If not this is Harassment.
    Do you still have that email where they made fun of you? Keep it make copies and give a copy to HR. That is mis use of company time and property.

    Tell them these things have affected you mentally make them pay for a work related health problem.
    I'm so sorry there are people like this and you have been treated so bad.
    I hope you feel better ,hang in there and be strong you represent people who are mistreated in the work place and these cases need to be reported and people held responcible.This is so unprofessional and childish on their part.
  5. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    Document EVERYTHING!!! Keep a diary.. If HR doesn't handle this right, you could sue them for hostile working environment. I've seen it happen! Document, document, document... and keep your ducks in a row.. if you have to be out make sure you have a doctors note. Make sure you are careful how you respond to their taunting etc. If this keeps up they just may have to pay and pay big!.. I'm in Management and Cin, there are laws to protect you..
    Keep us posted!!

    Big hugs!
    Dona
  6. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    Yes, I do have some support from supervisors in other departments. My co-workers use to be very supportive and some still are. The others have turned into robots to be the eyes and ears for my mgr.

    this has gone on for about 4 years. And the first time I approached him, he said to me, "Go ahead, call HR, he slid the phone across the table in anger, and told me, What I will put in your employee file, HR will never believe you and only believe him, and He would win and I would loose."

    This statement has stuck in my mind since then. He was reported by supervisors from another department about 2 years ago and was told he had to meet with me once a week to discuss ways of communication and how to better our work relationship. Then we had to report back to HR. This went on for 2 months. Things went well for awhile. Then it was Jekyll and Hyde, back to his old ways. He would Yell my last name across the office example "SMITH, MY DESK RIGHT NOW". The entire office would become very quiet as I walked to his desk to be bullied again.

    At first I was very strong and showed no emotions. But that just drove him nuts. So he would just keep going and going without me allow to say a word until the tears would roll down my face. Then i was finally able to be excused.
    And told to go wash up and not to wear my heart on my sleeve. Then wrote me up in my performance evaluation for emotional outbursts.

    I never had outbursts. It was just tears rolling down my face until I could be excused then I would quietly walk to the bathroom to clean my face.

    My counselor truly believes that the hostile work environment has caused this tremendous flare and pain. I am so grateful for her as she has really guided me in the right directions.

    And yes, I will come on back to this site for support as it trully helped me before. And I am glad to be back to such a great group of caring people, that always offer such great advise.


    Thanks again,
    Cin
  7. janieb

    janieb New Member

    You didn't say if you had an employee union, but if you do, they should be protecting you. That's why you pay dues.

    Some said you should document and I would like to reinforce that idea. I worked in management until my retirement and I've never heard of anyone being treated so badly.

    Make sure you document EVERYTHING he does. It sounds like you should look for a lawyer, ASAP.

    janieb
  8. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Hugs Cin

    I used to work in a very hostile environment but it was nothing like what you experience. Just people who were petty and spiteful because I was ill and couldn't keep up with my work. Just thinking about how miserable I was back then makes my stomach hurt.

    I hope you are able to find some sort of resolution to this. This monster sounds so awful.

    Keep us posted.

    hugs Redwillow
  9. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    and when I talked to the head of HR, I asked them who is there to protect me. Who is going to listen to me and back me up.

    I have kept documents from day one.

    I hate to have to get a lawyer because, I want to keep my job, I need my benefits, My customers are regulars and rely on me for support on understanding the policies they receive.

    I have kept a book full of compliments from customers and supervisors from other departments that I help to support to take care of their customers.

    And I have a lot of documents with dates and times on when I have been bullied.

    He knew I was disabled, but I never ever used that excuse to work any less then anyone else. I have always kept my performance #'s up high.

    And now I feel so down that I am left with this pain from head to toe.

    Can working in such a hostile environment cause FM to become so much worse? My energy is left to nothing. I don't like to go out in public anymore. I don't want to answer the phone. But I know I need to push my self to get the documents in order.

    This is a large corporation that has no tolerance for this type of behavior. I wish I would get a phone call from HR and say with all the complaints that came in prior to you even calling we will have someone to help you with backing you up. But I don't think that will happen.

    It is just so frustrating. And it is very frustrating for my family to see me spiral down so fast.

    I guess it wouldn't hurt to talk to a lawyer to see what my rights are. But I am very scared. I feel I did nothing wrong and why should I loose the job I love helping others for just one person that wants to be such a jerk.

    Tonight I will pray like I do every night to ask for the strength and guidance.

    God Bless,
    Cin
  10. fuffy

    fuffy New Member

    Cin, When I saw you message, the first thing that came to my mind is how much "not working" affects a person's self esteem= as we live in a society that defines individuals by what they do! I had to quit work 3 years ago, and some of the reason was a somewhat hostile work environment that eventually caused a super flare up of my fibryo. Your situation sounds soooooo illegal and you manager sounds like he's gotten away with much too much when it comes to you!! As someone else wrote, you must document , document document. The written word and good recall of all incidents are important. I will be sending up prayers for you. That ex-boss of yours cannot make you feel inferior unless you let him!!! You Are loved and cared about, and don't ever forget it, ok?! You are not alone in your pain and hurt. PrAYING that God gives you strength to get through each tough minute, hour, day, week.....Fuffy
  11. blonderescue

    blonderescue New Member

    Hi Cin,

    Your story is similar to mine. I really feel for you. Horrible!

    Your boss wants you to quit. That is why the pressure is being put on you.

    You have to decide if you are up to dealing with working and the horrible illness you are dealing with. Another avenue is seeing if HR can find you a position (perhaps part time) away from boss.

    Your counsellor sounds great. You need honesty to deal with what you are dealing with.

    Another avenue is to take some leave and work out what is best for you or at least recuperate from your wounds.

    Good luck

    Kaz
  12. springlakeorphan

    springlakeorphan New Member

    Dear Cinn-
    Keep strong. God Bless You and watch over you.You are in my prayers. Gentle Hugs-Mary
  13. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member


    I can really empathize too. I had a job in my early FM days, when I could still muddle through work, just barely. That part was hard enough, but my boss turned on me the last year I was there. It wasn't as bad as you, not malicious bullying. I think it was more my boss had lots of home stress and just took it out on me.

    My stomache would be in knots and butterflies all the time. I dreaded going into work, lots of stuff you described. So I here you. Best of luck w/ HR and your disability case.


    jeanne
  14. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    If you are able to work, I would think you'd want to work somewhere else.

    You need to see an attorney as suggested above. I see 3 potential causes of action: Worker's compensation if your job aggravated your condition. Discrimination. Aid to Americans w/ Disabilities.

    Most attorneys will discuss a potential case and not charge a fee. In some cases they will not collect a fee until they recover on your behalf.

    If this has gone on for years, I don't see the situation at work getting better, do you?
  15. sheriw

    sheriw New Member

    and pull it out every time he starts his bulls#%t. It will give you a record of what he says and maybe he'll think twice before he runs his mouth.

    sheri
  16. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    If I were you I would call a attorney who specializes in "employment practices".

    It sounds like you have a excellent case. You might feel alot better after you talk to an attorney.

    I am sorry for what you are going through but you may wind up sitting pretty. This behavior is way over the line.

    I realize you may not want to do this but this is not going to get better - the sooner you do something, the better.

    Reading your story reminds me why I started my own business 10 years ago. I've seen some pretty bad people but your manager takes the cake.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/18/2006]
  17. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    As I read your post, I could hardly believe how nasty your boss is! Is he mentally ill or what? I've had some bad job experiences and some mean bosses in the past, but I think your experience beat all of mine combined!

    I can't believe all this was allowed to go on and for such a long time, too! He should be fired immediately! How can he tell your co-worker not to ride to work with you? I can't believe that this is legal! No wonder you are such a wreak physically and mentally. I am so glad you are seeing a therapist. You definitely need someone to help you through this. I hope this investigation is completed soon. I can't believe that anyone would think what your boss did was right.

    What this man has done to you is definitely wrong. I hope all of this is over for you soon. Here's a big ((((hug)))!!

    Ellen
  18. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    remember if you have told your counselor about these things she should have it documented also .This will help prove that these things have a long history and you have not made anything up.
    HR should also get something from your counselor stating this has been a long on going problem of harassment.

    calm down sweetie you have not only got a case you have a very good record of what he has done already :)
  19. yjswan

    yjswan New Member

    Cin, no job is worth what you have been going through. Have you put your resume out there? With 22 years of experience, you should be able to find something better than the hell you're living through.

    I was a senior manager and went through a similar experience with a new CEO. The final straw for me was when he eliminated my position and offered me a demotion with a huge smile on his face! All this for faithful service and running a department with profits every quarter. As much as I loved my job and the people I worked with, I resigned. It has been a tough go since then, but I am much better off without the daily abuse and belittling.

    However, my only regret is that I did not go out on disability instead. If I had, I could have transitioned to SSDI much more easily. So, my advice, either find another job or if you are out on disability and you are in a flare-up stage, see your doctor and discuss long term disability with him/her. Seeing a lawyer as many have suggested, is also a must. One way to look at it is if someone doesn't stop this boss now, he will just move onto another victim.

    And yes, based on my experience and what I have read, stress does increase fibro pain.

    God bless...you are in my prayers.
    Yvonne
  20. suzette1954

    suzette1954 New Member

    Something similar happened to me a few yrs ago. I was transferred to a new school by the board of ED. due to budget cuts. The 1st day I knew something was wrong but I couldnt understand why. They kept accusing me of not doing my job and they( the principal and the asst) would sabitoge everything I did.

    I was very good at what I did and had the best evaluations available for every yr I had worked. I stuck it out from Aug to Oct and they made me carry heavy boxes after I had told the principal the day before that I couldnt lift any thing over 7 lbs. It turned out that I had taken the job of someone they liked. I didnt have a choice in any of it and all of the teachers and the students constantly praised me.

    The next summer, the asst pricipal almost cut her arm off with a chain saw.(She was very vain and thought she was beautiful). The principal had been there for 11 yrs and loved "his school". He was transferred to a school in the projects.

    Keep the faith girl! It may not seem like it now, but God will take care of you and they will have to account for what they did.

    Suzette