23years filing for divorce,help

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by neecmouse, Dec 3, 2002.

  1. neecmouse

    neecmouse New Member

    weel after 23yrs of marriage,we are filing for a divorce. i sure can use some support right now. id do know one thing alot of my stress will walk out with him but ive been with him since 16 yrs old, we married at 18. im scared. denice
  2. neecmouse

    neecmouse New Member

    weel after 23yrs of marriage,we are filing for a divorce. i sure can use some support right now. id do know one thing alot of my stress will walk out with him but ive been with him since 16 yrs old, we married at 18. im scared. denice
  3. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    I know how you're feeling...I did this 12 years ago and times were rough, but, as you said, a lot of your stress and anxiety will leave with him!!! No matter what, I have never regretted making the move toward divorce, although the day I signed the papers is still the hardest day I've ever lived! I had my babies with this guy and we started dating when I was 13 and we married when I was 17, so I totally understand the mixed emotions you're probably experiencing! I still have feelings and good memories for my ex, but I am SO very thankful we are no longer living together! He and both remarried on the same day and I have a lot of pity for his present wife, although I know she has plenty of money and material things, I know what else she has! And I can live without it!
    Day by day, my friend!! You'll have support here. Don't let your health suffer...take very good care of yourself now!
    Love,
    Kady
  4. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I have never been through a divorce, but my sister is going through one now. They were married for 26 years and I see some of her pain. I agree with Kady, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. But I will keep you in my thoughts.

    ((((hugs))))
    Annette
  5. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    I don't blame you for being scared; you will be leaving a "known" situation, even if a rotten situation, and that's always scary. But you will probably have much less stress, as you said, and eventually a sense of peace & calm. Do you have family & friends for emotional support? You have friends HERE, so we'll help get you through this! As Kady said, just one day at a time...

    Let us know how you're doing, we're all sending good thoughts!

    Hugs,
    Pam
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    The important thing right now is to really take good care of yourself. Divorce is one of the most stressful events we can experience, even when it is mutual and positive. Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend who needs support and tender loving care.

    Just to let you know that I know how hard it is right now, but keep focused on the fact that there is life after divorce and that life can be whatever you decide to make it. I chose to make mine positive and have had 17 years as a single woman after many years of being in a stressful marriage. I love being single even though it can be a challenge, especially financially. Bless you and keep you through this time. Things will get better.

    Love, Mikie
  7. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    Iwas married 24 years when my ex walked out on me during a blizzard, leaving me a note on his desk. When he was safely on the train he called to tell me to look on his desk for the message he had left. Basically he said he wasn't happy and was leaving me.

    At the time I didn't realize I had been dealing with early symptoms of both CFS and FM for years. I think my health contributed a great deal to the break up of our marriage.

    It wasn't just that I didn't feel well, the problem was that my ex told me I was making it all up to get out of doing things. Mind you he was traveling two-three weeks at a time every six weeks and sometimes was gone even longer. When he was gone I was in charge of runing the household, which included caring for our three teenage children as well as working full-time.

    Frequently I became exhausted from all this and would be sick by the time he returned. Once, after a month long trip to Russia, with little comunication during the trip, I came down with the worst case of strep I have ever had. Eventually it went into pneumonia and I was out of work for the entire month of December.

    Getting divorced turned out to be one of the best things I could have done for myself. As I went through counseling I learned that he was a verbaly manipulative and abusive man. During our marriage my self-esteem had become almost non-existent, thanks to all his put-downs. I truly believed I would not be able to afford to live as a single person.

    All that is behind me now. I've been divorced for over five years and despite becoming disabled by my illnesses I am so glad I am out of that marriage. It was the best thing that could have happened to me, even though I wouldn't have believed it at the time I was going through it.

    It takes two people to make a marriage and if both are not keeping up their end of the bargain by loving and supporting their partner I believe the marriage is doomed to failure.

    You've had great advice from others. Take things one step at a time and you wil survive this and come out a better woman for it.

    Barbara
  8. evileva

    evileva New Member

    My first husband and I divorced after 22 years, even though we were both ready for it, it is still hard. You are used to being with that person and you are comfortable with him. I know that it is hard, but try to look at it as a new beginning. It gets easier, just give yourself some time to greive, because it is a loss even if you are ready for the change. My new husband and I are separated because he can't handle having a sick wife, so it looks like I'll have to go through it all again. Hang in there.
    Eva
  9. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I know where you are coming from; my husband just left me after 18 years of marriage. He was very abusive, but I did not think I could make it on my own. I am tired of people telling me that I am better off without him and that my health is going to improve. What has happened so far is that my health has gotten worse, and my kids have gotten more out of control. My Ex is trying to claim that I can work so that he can cut off my spousal support. I have read the other posts from some of the folks who are farther down the road, and I do believe someday this will turn out to be a good thing, but while you are going through it, it is like crawling through hell on your hands and knees. I can recommend a good divorce support recovery board, but I don't think I am allowed to post that here. You can write to me personally. Hippomania11@aol.com. Hope it's okay to post my address.

    Hippo