2Painful4Words--Please bump for Patti!!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by LollieBoo, Oct 18, 2005.

  1. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    Hello, Patti! Your gradbabies are absolutely adorable!! What fabulous golden curls and bright smiles. He is such a handsome little guy.

    I am posting to you about something that is technically not any of my business, but something I have a hard time not speaking up about... so please forgive me and know it comes from a friend.

    I read your note on Debbie's thread about abuse- you have done a wonderful job of raising a beautiful family. That is a magnificent accomplishment and you deserve to be commended for your courage and strength and bravery. There was one part, in particular that caught my eye- you said, "And even though my husband is verbally abusive- he was not to them and they don't know he is to me." He IS to you? still? For how long? Oh, Patti, I just want to hug you, and yet I know you may have your reasons, but after your childhood, and the early awareness that "there has to be a way out", I don't understand why you continue to allow yourself to suffer abuse at the hands/ words of another?

    You are a mother and a grandmother- you are such a vital link to that gorgeous family of yours... why is it okay with you if you suffer? My bet is that, even if you don't see it, there are ways that the abuse YOU suffer takes a toll on your closest loved ones as well.

    I've read your posts and I find you to be a warm and likeable person. You are caring and intelligent. I understand, like I said, that there may be what you feel are legitimate reasons, but if your husband is unwilling to go to counseling either alone or with you, and he continues verbally assaulting you- you owe it to yourself and your family to get yourself out of there.

    Someone else mentioned how those of us who suffered abuse as a child are so much more likely to remain in an abusive situation as adults. That is so true. You do not have to tolerate disrespect of any sort- least of all, abuse.

    You had no choice as a child, and you suffered, unable to effect any change in your situation. I admire your decision to stay in your situation at the time, assuming it was tolerable and not out of hand. I understand your desire to provide a warm, loving, stable home for your children.

    Now, Patti- you have a choice. It is totally yours, and where there is a will, there's a way... You can accomplish anything.

    I am SO sorry if this is too invasive, and please feel free to tell me to stuff it!

    I just wanted to reach out to you and remind you that you are loved and encourage you to take care of you!

    God Bless,
    Lollie
  2. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    You are a wonderful lady! I appreciate your willingness to let me in. I will certainly be here for you, as well as all the others who love you on this board. I will pray for strength for you and the light and love of Christ to both surround and grow within both you and your husband.

    Watching this board, I know you have been a true blessing to many and I am glad to hear you have gotten much in return.

    My father's dad died when he was 14. His mother sent her boys to live with their aunt and uncle (who was abusive), and then called for them again when she had remarried. This was in the south and those, I suppose were the times...

    Anyway, the man she remarried was quite a bit younger than she, and had no idea she had children! He was, understandably shocked when three boys- the oldest of whom was not too much younger than he was at the time. He was angry and abusive for a long, long time. My mother, who met my father at the age of 19 reports that she was horrified at his behavior the first time she visited their home. He was MEAN.

    Now, fast forward to my youth, and this man, my father's step-father, was my "PaPaw". I NEVER saw anything resembling anger or aggression out of him- toward anybody. He was kind, playful, loving, generous and a little michievous. I loved my PaPaw with all my heart. I saw a bullish stubbornness rear its head when he got sick years later, but that prolonged his life for many years. I appreciated that. I know also, that he spent years trying to make amends to my "MaMaw", and he respected the he** out of her for standing by him, in spite of everything. He became very protective of her feelings and her well-being. It was quite a turnaround. But it does happen.

    I can understand better your situation now, and hope that soon your husband will see the errors he has made in treating you unkindly and disrespectfully. Like you said, let God impart His Will and know that you will be taken care of.

    I am always here and willing to listen.

    Thanks again, Patti!
    Lollie
  3. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    You are a great friend to have; I find myself looking to your posts often- you are definitely one of those posters I feel I "mesh" with.

    I agree with you about this board- it is a great little family of friends to be able to turn to... I've never had that either. As Orachel says, (quoting Devin Starlanyl--sp??) our FMily!

    I love that... I will have to look for that woman's books next time I am out and about. We live in a little rural community of a bout 3,000 folks out in the middle of beautiful WI hillsides. The downside is that any good shopping is at least an hour and 15 min. drive away! Even Wal-Mart is 30-45 min away!

    I really appreciate all the very nice things you said in your post. It is nice to be reassured that you are coming across to others in a positive way. It's hard sometimes to be sure! I am so glad that I was able to make you feel better. It really sounds like your husband is one of those RARE, strong-willed men who is actually able to admit his weaknesses and wrongdoings, and is also able to apply his will toward positive change.

    I am so impressed that he's stopped drinking and is willing to go to counseling. You two are headed in the right direction! I know there will likely be times that it doesn't feel like it, and you may both exhaust yourselves on that long road time and time again. You also sound like a strong Christian woman, and God will give you strength to see it through. I have faith you and your husband will succeed- and your family will reap the benefits!

    Anytime you need me- just post my name and I'll catch up with you one way or another. I totally identify with you on many levels. One of which is, the promise to God made through your wedding vows being one of the most sacred moments in your life.

    Blessings and Peace-
    Lollie