45 today! no one in my family said anything

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hagardreams, Jan 3, 2006.

  1. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    I feel so lonely. My 24 year old son went to bed, and my husband went to watch tv in the bedroom. I feel unloved. Ok there are worse things going on in this world, but you would think that they would say something to me. I bought a cake, and I am the only one eating that. What a waste of money.
    I know I wont have many more birthdays, 32 1/2 years of type 1 diabetes is taking its toll on me. I just wanted to enjoy this one. I didnt want a gift, just a happy birthday, or something from them. Oh well. All of you other January birthdays, have a great birthday and do something for yourself! God bless, Julie
  2. kch64

    kch64 New Member



    May God Bless you to LIVE and have a healthy year.

    There are new discoveries for diabetes everyday. Just enjoy each day.

    Kendra
  3. Sissy123

    Sissy123 New Member

    I dont celebrate birthdays, for my own reasons, but it seems cold that noone said anything to you today. I have type 2 diabetes so you have my complete sympathy. I have a hard time managing mine, so I cant imagine what you go through. Sounds like you need to connect with your family and vice versa. Seems like you are distant to one another, although you didn't really say alot about them. Do you and they celebrate their birthdays? Carma can be a real "-----"! I am 43 by the way. Take some of your own advise to others and "Do something nice for yourself". I really mean that. Sissy
  4. russiankids3

    russiankids3 New Member

    I just read your post to my daughter and one of my sons. They said to shout to you "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" for them. Of course, from me too. I know where you are coming from-- out of six kids my parents always had trouble remembering mine (Jan. 5th) and often after the holidays they were so tired of celebrating that I never had the big parties my siblings had. I often had to remind them that my birthday was coming. Oh well...

    My kids love birthday celebrations. All three were adopted by hubbie and me from Russian orphanages where no one cared about them nor was there ever any recognition of their birthdays. WELL...they love everyone's birthday now and believe all of the kids in the world should be able to celebrate their big day. So we do care about you and wish you a heartfelt "Best Wishes ALWAYS on your big day."

    Unfortunately some people get so caught up in themselves that they forget they need to remember the needs of others around them. Forgive them this.

    Take care and create your own joy on your birthday--do something special for yourself.

    With hugs sent to you,
    Sue and Oksana(15)Yevdokim(14)
  5. shep

    shep New Member

    I am so sorry no one came through for you on your birthday. I am not taking up for them; but I am sure they love you even though they acted very self serving.

    I am diabetic too..so put the birthday cake in the freezer and give yourself a gift of taking care of yourself.

    God loves you all the time; not just on birthdays. When you are lonely talk to him, or go into the chat room here and you will make many new friends. I talk in chat a lot and have met many nice people from all over the states, Canada, Australia and United Kingdom.

    I am married 32 yrs and have gotten very few cards or gifts from hubby. No children. Men and young people are just like that.. My hubby told me he loved me 32 yrs ago and sees no reason to tell me again as nothing has changed. lol If he stops loving me then he will tell me.

    The best gifts are the ones we give ourselves. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to do what is best for you. Be happy in spite of everyone and everything..that is the best way to handle things. Keep a smile on yourface and have him wondering what you have been involved in. Go around the house singing..that will get him wondering what has come over you! Make him start wondering who or what has come into your life to make you so happy!
    My hubby would go for days w/o speaking and I would say, "Are you mad? You are not talking." He would say, "I just don't have anything to talk about." This went on and on and just about drove me bonkers. After therapy, I was advised to do this and it took some time, but it works.
    Now he doesn't know what to think. He will say, "You must be feeling better, you seem happy today." I will say, "No, i am hurting quite a bit today."
    Just try it and see if it works for you. Men don't know what to think or do when the wife doesn't complain or cry about anything. I was very lonely for hugs, and kisses and just some attention was all I wanted. Didn't cost a thing, but he just would not. Now he wants to hug, and snuggle and he wants me to sit down and watch t.v with him.
    I hope something I have said will help you. Most of all remember God loves you..if he had a refrigerator he would put your picture on it.
    Shep
  6. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    You`ve got us. I wish so many times we all lived closer, we could do so many cool things for each other. I live with a house full of guys and they aren`t very good at that stuff either.

    At Christmas, the only thing I got was one present and that was empty...lol. My 10 year old picked me out a nice glass set but apparently took the empty display box. He took it up and payed for it and they wrapped it, never checking it. After Christmas I was able to take the box in and get the set.

    You know what you got to do is buy yourself some presents if that`s the way they are going to be. That`s what I do. So, you are 45, I turn 49 this year. I`m kind of dreading turning 50.

    BIG BIRTHDAY HUGS TO YOU....
    Sandy
  7. WoodstocksMusic

    WoodstocksMusic New Member

    Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuu
    Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuu
    Happy Birthday God bless youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
    Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

    (I will 45 this year myself! And by golly they better notice or I will get whistles and firecrackers!
  8. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I am 39 today, only got my 2 little ones, we ate (smeared) cake til we were too full. Last year my ex. husband did the same, he didn't give a d--n to congrat. One of the many reason he is an x. by the way. Yeah, your son learn how to be a man and a family member by his father's example. To have the cake and they won't even take a nibble and give ya a hug-I am fuming with anger and could harm them with my bare hands! Emotional abuse in my view! Get them, I say. To not recognise a family member and use some manners is abusive. Don't take it.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/03/2006]
  9. GranJan

    GranJan New Member

    I have to agree with Shep on this one. Smile and the whole world smiles with you. The best birthday present you can get this year is the EXPENSIVE one you buy yourself with his credit card. Everyone loves you (even them) though they don't show it. My husband isn't exactly a bubbly, chatterbox either but I know he loves. Just love yourself enough for them too. May you have a wonderful year filled with many blessings.

    GranJan
  10. sdown

    sdown New Member

    Well think of all the terrific people on this website who wish you a very Happy Birthday. We love you and sending big hugs! Wish I could have been close to enjoy cake with you!
  11. Musica

    Musica New Member

    Let me say it again - MEN!!!!

    I'm so sorry those were the only two who you were depending on to wish you a happy birthday. Men are notorious about not realizing how important it is to women. I feel so sad that you bought yourself a birthday cake and still couldn't get them to share your birthday with you.

    Julie, there really is so much being done for medical conditions. Of course, we know there is a LONG way to go, but try to look forward to a LOT more birthdays, and happy ones, at that! And start by planning to do something YOU really want to do for your birthday. And it's not too late to start with this one. Treat yourself to dinner, to a movie, the theatre, a garden show - whatever suits your fancy. You are special and you deserve to show yourself that if those guys in your life are too insensitive to do so.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JULIE!
  12. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Good excuse to eat some chokolate cake, huh!!! That's all we chokloholics need, an excuse! Save me a piece!
  13. angeljoe

    angeljoe New Member

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE!!!!!!

    I'm sorry your family didn't say anything about your birthday. Last year my husband yelled at me for not remembering our Anniversary two days before our actual big day.
    He thought it was on the 25th of May.. It actually is May 27th. He gave me my gift and card and said thanks for not remembering this year. Needless to say he felt stupid when I pulled his gift and card out and I said I was waiting for our anniversay honey!
    Wishing you many healthy years in the future!
    Angela
  14. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    sorry for their ignorance.....

    but y suggestion is for one for thier b-days i wouldn't even do a darn thing for them, not even a card....it will be hard for you i'm sure....you are probably a giver like me....

    then when they wonder say i must have forgotten like you forgot mine....maybe next year i will remember it....sorry

    don't buy yourself a cake next year if this happens again...just leave and go to a nice restuarnt if funds are availbable...treat yourself or book a nice hotel somewhere and say i'm going there on my b-day and if you want to come fine if not i'm gone....

    but i would certainly tell them how you felt about your treatment and how you have always remembered and made your b-days special....

    well happy b-day to you...

    jodie
  15. sunshine8957

    sunshine8957 New Member

    Oh Julie, I so understand your disappointment about your son and hubby not really recognizing your birthday or sharing your cake with you!

    I've been married 26-1/2 yrs. and had my 48th b-d over the summer ~ what I have learned over the years (with a male-dominated household) that they JUST DON'T GET IT when it comes to women's birthdays. Mine treat me good all the time, which is more precious than a gift and I bet you feel that way too (deep inside). What I started to do several years ago was start acting excited about my birthday coming up and I'd make a small deal with the "countdown" - then the morning of, if my DH forgets to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I just tell him 'Hey, I'm 48 today' and then he starts getting all gushy about my b-day. Do the same with my boys and I get very sincere happy b'days from them. I've learned (through the help of Dear Ann and Dear Abby) that it's far better to be treated well all year instead of one day out of the year.

    Let your hubby know tomorrow, that your feelings were hurt and that it would mean alot if he would NOT FORGET next year (& then you make sure he doesn't :>)

    I was very sad when you wrote about eating a piece of cake alone and that you have suffered from diabetes for over 3 decades - PLEASE DON'T BINGE ON THAT CAKE TO HEAL THE HURT.
    If eating a slice tomorrow nite is stretching it with the diabetes, forget the $ you spent on it - it's gotta be cheaper than risking going into a diabetic coma! If your hubby wants to do something special in honor of your b-day - let him take you out for one of your favorite meals!

    Think about it Julie - our spouses depend on us to remember all the family birthdays, gift and card buying, etc., etc. - Boys, yes, even at 24, don't really 'GET" the importance of remembering Mom's b-day - even though we made sure they had wonderful little b-day parties at McDonalds or wherever - to them, that's history! But deep inside both our hubbies and our sons remember who the glue was whenever an important event took place!

    And Julie? May I have a piece of your birthday cake with a tall glass of milk?!!! :>)

    Hugs,
    sunshine8957
  16. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Thanks to all who replied. I feel so selfish feeling this way, but the loneliness can be painfull.
    I must say again, I think you all are my best friends in the whole world. I have been stabbed in the back by so many in my life, and I have had more "true" friends here in the past year than I have had my whole life. You all are truly family to me. Its amazing that FM has brought us all together, I just look forward to the day that when this world is over with and we are all in a better place and I can meet each and every one of you.
    Thanks for all the birthday wishes, it truly is the best gift I have gotten for a very long time. God bless, Julie
  17. JLH

    JLH New Member

    H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y , J U L I E ! ! !

    FROM YOUR OTHER FAMILY!

    I know how you feel. Sometimes the Mom's are the people who do everything for everybody, and then THEY are the ones who are forgotten when it comes to special ocassions for them!

    Just a little attention and a hug would do, wouldn't it?!!

    I am a diabetic also, but I would still love to sit down and join you in a piece for your birthday!

    Tomorrow, kick the both of them in the butt and ask them what the HECK is wrong with them!!! To make up for the lack of attention and acknowledgment of your B/D, they can just fix you supper and cleanup, or take you out to eat!! LOL

    Hope you have many, many more ... and better birthdays!

    Birthday Hugs,
    Janet

    P.S. You could have sat down at the table with the cake, lit a candle, then sang Happy Birthday to yourself, really LOUD so that both of them could hear you singing to yourself! But, chances are, neither one would have heard you! Bummer!

  18. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    And it's always the same with us January birthday girls, isn't it? "But, but...it was just soooo close to Christmas!" Well, I say phooey on that. I never forget theirs and can't believe how they forget or don't do a little planning ahead. No wait, what am I saying? I live in a house full of testosterone too!

    But I did go into the January Birthday thread today and wish you (Hagardreams and Lenasvn both a Happy Birthday.) I am just so sorry that yours turned out so terribly. And noooooo way would I let either of those guys off the hook! You know what they say "when mama (and wifie) ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!" Why be alone in your sadness? Sound off, trust me, you'll feel better for it, ha ha!
  19. DLsGroovyMoM

    DLsGroovyMoM New Member

    I repeat what someone eles said...MEN!!! and I personally would wake there butts up and tell them how rude and inconsiderate they are...and yeah I agree on the carma thing too...what comes around goes around.

    I too am a January girl (18th) which is further off than some I've seen here but I too get the shaft as it is so close to Christmas.

    Happy Birthday from your family here!
  20. cerise

    cerise New Member

    Hi fellow Capricorn! It's tough having a birthday this time of year (see my other posts)!

    My birthday is Dec. 30th and everyone forgot it. There was supposed to be a surprise party for me but it got cancelled, which I found out after the fact, but everyone still forgot on the actual day.

    I was 49 and I announced this would be my last birthday to no avail. I don't expect anything from my husband as we are so dirt poor now that we are both disabled and my SSDI claim has been pending for 11 years now!

    Hang in there and hey I ate my entire cake by myself too which was fine by me! This year highlight it on the calendar and remind everyone otherwise they won't remember. Men just don't think birthdays are that big a thing!