9-11 ANNIVERSARY COMING...that yr was turning point of my life

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by another_painful_day, Aug 30, 2004.

  1. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    Everytime it gets closer to 9-11 Anniversary I get this overwhelming sense of loss. That WHOLE year was a year of loss for me. 9-11 I think was the final turning point of my life. That day was devistating to me. Even though I didnt lose someone I "knew", I was severely depressed after that day. It truly touched upon my heart as I am sure it did many.

    Here are the turning points of that year 2001:

    1.January 14, 2001 My step-dad who I loved more than anything died a horrible suffering death of bone cancer. I struggled so deeply with his loss. It was the first time someone ever that close to me had died. I knew he was in Heaven...I just couldnt stand that he was gone. I couldnt stand to watch my mother with a broken heart. I couldnt stand the emtiness I felt personally.

    2.The Beginning of May, 2001; My marriage was falling apart for YEARS. That May my step-neice was having her first communion in Florida. I flew down with my mom so she wouldnt be alone (my step-dad just died and it was his daughters child going thru this...and my mom was without him). My sister also came too. My mom knew that I also needed those four days to be left alone and decide on whether or not to end my marriage. Except for the day of my step-nieces communion (which we cried so much because my step-dad wasnt there and my step-sister and my mom took it so hard)I walked the beach NON-STOP praying and trying to figure out if this is what I needed to do...not only for myself but my two very young daughters.

    3. The End of May 2001 - I had a final breakdown and decided that my marriage was over. I told hubby to pack and leave. I was devistated. But I was desperate. I would have literally killed myself if I didnt end it. So....he left...reluctantly, but he left. I was deivstated, scared to death, and so unsure of the future.

    4. June 13th, my birthday - My dog died on that day just a year before. I STILL wasnt over that loss. I held a picture of her close to my heart and creid because I STILL missed her so much. I cried also because here I was...2 little girls, seperated from my hubby, and alone on my birthday. Nothing to celebrate anyway. I was too depressed and heartbroken.

    5. Beginnning of August - Got hierd as a teachers Aide for a handicapped school about an hour away. It was the first time my kids would have to be dumped into childcare, the first time I would have to worry about getting medical coverage for myself, first time I had to work full-time since before the birth of my oldest who at that time was almost 8. I was petrified. But I didnt have a choice. It was pretty good pay for a first timer.

    6. Beginning of September - started new job. It was excruciating dragging the two kids out the door by 7:15am, especially for my youngest. She would cling to me leg and litterally scream as I tried to leave for my new job, facing a nightmare of traffic ahead of me. From that day on, who knew Id CRY EVERYDAY DRIVING TO MY JOB feeling guilty, afailure as a mom and a wife, and deivstated as to how my life was unraveling.

    7. 9-11-2001 - twin towers go down. The school I worked at was only about half hour from the city. The school was on lock down and we had to remove all students and take them into the basement cafeteria because of security lock down. All the teachers huttled around the tv in horror...the children all were acting out because they had no idea what was going on, they could just sense that it was something bad. And from above the school you could hear Aircraft flying low....Military Aircraft. We actually thought we were under attack and a war began.
    I hurried to a corner and tried to reach my soon-2-B xhubby. He worked construction and was working by the twin towers alot recently so I tried calling him. No answer...his cell would just beep beep beep. I broke down fell to floor and sobbed. I thought he was dead...and this was my punishment for divorcing him (even though he put me thru hell). The next call I made was to my lil ones daycare an hour away and my older ones elementary school to make sure they were ok. I called soon-2-b xhubbys parents and finally someone heard he was ok. But he saw it happen across the river. Even though we were going thru a tough divorce, I was STILL relieved.
    It was a horrible day...a long long long horrible day.

    FROM 9-11-2001 and ON.....

    My life was unrecognizable. I literally spun into a deeper depression. BUT I kept on going. EVeryday at the school I worked at I would go into the churhc that was attached to it during my half hour breaks for lunch and I prayed and prayed and prayed.

    Ill never forget that yr. It was a tough year.

    ANYONE ELSE HAVE A STORY TO TELL?

    Id like to remind everyone to say a prayer.a prayer for all those who lost their lives on that day. For all those who were touched by that horrific day. For all the babies born without a Daddy, for those who lost a sister, mother, daughter, father, brother, uncle, son, grandparent,aunt, nieghbor or friend on 9-11-2001. And also a prayer that terrorism gets conquerd, the war will end and that there will be peace soon.

    Thanks for reading this.

    I just felt as if I needed to do something with the Anniversary coming up. I am really "feeling" it emotionally....I relive that year every time this Anniversary comes about.

    God bless all of you! Peace to all of you!
    -Diane
  2. readalot

    readalot New Member

    ((((another_painful_day))))

    That was a really hard year for you. I am sorry that you had to go through so much pain. Aniversary dates are so hard. I know. 2001 was a hard year for me also. My mother died in an auto accident while riding in a pickup down a grade. It happened July 20th 1975. Every year I would feel a sadness around and on that day. I didn't get to know my mother. My parents were divorced when I was 4 years old. My mother was not allowed to have contact with us kids, even though she tried. I did get to see her when I was 12 because my dad took us over to her house. To keep this story short, I always hoped that when I would become an adult, I would look her up. I did try, but that same year she died. It was very hard. I was a new Christian, and battled with it. I will post the song that goes with that time soon. Back to 2001. I was working in a town that was about 13 miles upgrade from here. It was a very windy road, but very scenic. I had to work on July 20th, so while I was driving up, I had the flashback memories. It made me almost cried. Also, I was the same age she was when she died. 46 years old. I would sing victory songs, and pray that my mind would quiet down. I finally got to work. On the way home, I wasn't even thinking about it. I was driving down the grade, and my car broke down. I didn't know it, even though the car wasn't running, it was still going down the road. The lights in the dash did not light up. The motion of the car kept the transmission working, and the belts moving. But the brakes didn't work. That was horrible, but I thank the Lord that I keep my head together. I shifted down to 1st, and got stopped safely. It was afterwards that I went to pieces. That was when all those thoughts came, and thought it was going to happen to me. It was almost 2 years later when my car broke down on the highway, and it was during when the depression was really bad. I end up going to the hospital the next day. I got help. Put on medication and started going to counceling. I was able to get out the feelings concerning my mother, and with the aniversary dates. It has really helped. Even though it is not easy, but it is not as bad as before.

    Then there was 9/11. I prayed and was determined not to let the incident on the grade keep me from driving on it. I would be limited of where I could drive around here. 9/11 I was driving up that grade. I was enjoying the scenery again. When I got the work, the TV was on telling what happened that day. I stood there in shock, and horror. It has been a turning place in this country and in lives. One of my brothers has a friend who lives near there. The apartments were evacuated. The friend was here in Idaho visiting his family. There were special church services after that praying for the people affected by it. Yes, we need to pray for them now. They are dealing with aniversary dates.

    Lord, be with another_painful_day now, That you will comfort her. We don't understand why these things happen, but you can give her the strength to get through it. I pray that she by sharing the story will give her peace, and that it may help someone else. Even though the battle is raging, You are still there. I pray that you will guide her through each day, and that she will grow stronger in you. In Jesus name. Amen

    This post got long. May the Lord bless you, and keep you each day.

    readalot
  3. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    And Dixie....Im glad that my story(ies) can touch you in a posative manor. I have been finding myself "witnessing" to many people lately. Especially since I have been touched by several little miracles (which can be read in some of my past Posts here on this board).

    I know that I am NOT alone in my defeats...and I find that as time goes on, I take these tough times and use them as tools...tools to help me remind myself that I am stronger than I actually want to admit...I also use these experiences as tools to witness to others who may feel like giving up or feeling like God has abandoned them. I know that no matter what the struggles are in my life...God is right here by myside...watching, waiting, teaching me to lean on him, as him for his grace and blessings and teaching me a very valuable tool about handing over control to him and having patience. Those right there are my two biggest weaknesses.

    So I will continue to share my stories. Especially if I know it will help touch even one persons life and make a difference.

    Thanks again!

    HUGS! and Gods blessings!
    -Diane
  4. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    Just because tomorrow is the Anniversary and its been on my mind non-stop. My heart goesout to all those who lost someone or who are experiencing the same sense of lose that I am.

    I hope its ok to bump this. I was goin to write another Post but I thought that would be silly since I already wrote one a week or so ago.

    Thanks!

    -Diane