Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by crafts1234, Jun 17, 2006.

  1. crafts1234

    crafts1234 Member

    I read and re-read all the lovely words and Prayers you all sent me the other day, I'm sorry I do not remember the day.
    My oldest son is moving me in with him for six months. God made him into the beautiful man he is today. He took care of everything that had to do with his brothers death. He arranged the service, he did the eulogy even though it was difficult for him to speak with his tears, but GOD In His Infitite Wisdom gave him the words, strength and wisdom to carry on.
    My throat is like a knife cutting it today with pain. Its that my son Michael sat me down this morning when he and his girlfriend came by to pack things and found me crying. (I try to tell all that this is an ongoing action). I cannot stop the flow of tears even if I wanted to. What he keeps reminding me of is James is not coming home. I go almost insane when people say that to me, because the reality of that is not there yet. I told him I ask GOD all the time to send our James back alive and whole. Thats how un-realistic I am, but then I question GOD'S power I thought he could do that, I guess not. Fortunately for me my son is in tune with the reality of James death and he believes totally that he is with Jesus The Savior. I have been since I was a very small child a doubting Thomas, it was difficult to believe in GOD with the household I grew up in.
    I Pray no matter what to GOD yet today I went to Walmart and started crying in the store. Lucky for that store I did not do what I wanted to do..SCREAM..SEND MY SON BACK. The pain is unbearable, all I can do each day is get out of bed and get through the day as best as I can.
    GOD'S Blessings For all of you
    Thank You All for your help
  2. UnicornK

    UnicornK New Member

    I lost my 26 year old son very suddenly 2 1/2 years ago. I know the pain you are feeling.

    Keep in mind that James is home...with the Lord. And he is waiting for you to join him. He is alive! Just not here on Earth anymore.

    I talk to Tony all the time, even though I know he can't respond. It makes me feel closer to him. The pain gets better. It doesn't go away, but you get used to it.

    Jesus won't let you down. Climb into the Father's lap and let Him comfort you. He is longing to be there for you.

    God Bless you in this time of trial.
  3. dleaning

    dleaning New Member

    I am at a loss for words. I do know the pain is UNBEARABLE!! I had a second trimester miscarriage 6 years ago and had to go through labor. I lost the one thing I always wanted....a little girl. That was 10 months after losing my mom to cancer, to whom was my rock.

    I still cry, and miss them. I do know that in time it will get a little better, but you will never stop missing your son. He will always be with you in your heart. WHat gets me through are the memories, which no one will ever take away from you. Just remember, he is out of pain and will always watch over you.

    I will keep you in my prayers.

    Please know that we are all here for you.

  4. granny1353

    granny1353 New Member

    begiin to know how you feel by a fraction. My daughter had a miscarriage two months ago. I went to the Hallmark store to buy her an angel statue to remember the baby. Good thing my other daughter was with me cause all of a sudden the tears came.

    I had a very hard time with the loss, so I can only imagine how you feel. I will keep you in my prayers

    Love Granny
  5. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    expected....i have not really lost anyone at a young age...

    a few school friends years ago...but never family...except grandmothers and grandfathers....

    i am sorry, please get some breavement counseling that may help you get through the process..

    lots' of hugs

  6. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I am continuing to pray for you. I know the pain and emptiness that I felt when my father, who was my best friend, died. I can not imagine it being one of my beautiful three children.

    While your pain continues to be so unbearable, perhaps it might to help to talk with your doctor about your feelings. He may be able to help you.

    May God watch over and care for you,
  7. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    I am praying for you.

    I lost my mother at 17yrs.old, I know it is different than losing a child, but I know how much it hurt's to lose a loved one.

    I'm almost 39 and it still hurt's.

    My heart, thought's and prayer's go out to you today.

    God Bless,

  8. Empower

    Empower New Member

    Whether we realize or not, there are many stages of grief., Most people go through all of the stages and then go in and out of the stages again.

    It seems like you are in denial and are bargaining and that is okay. That is perfectly normal to do that.

    I was in shock for about 6 weeks after my son died and was totally numb, could not even shed a tear. Then the flood gates opened and I couldn't STOP crying.

    The crying can make you EXHAUSTED, but it is a good release and sometimes you will feel better after a good cry.

    There is no right or wrong way to grieve, everyone is different.

    I remember feeling like I was going crazy, and I had to go to a therapist to convince me that I wasn't going crazy just grieving.

    Please check in with us. We feel your pain and it is good for you to vent.

  9. tcpolchies

    tcpolchies New Member

    After reading your post I am also loss for words. I cant even imagine what your going through but can relate to you on a mothers love for her children, son's. I dont know if your religous and I hope I am not overstepping my boundaries when I say that your son is in the kindom of heaven with those around him who know and love him. He is not gone from you he will always be with you even now while you mourn his death he is watching you and your loved ones.

    I recall as a young child and after my grandfathers death I was instructed not to cry or mourn to long by my family for fear that my granfather would not make it to his place in PEACE. Time and time again I have heard we dont really die out we evolve - spiritually. I believe in that. I was very close to my granfather, who we lived with off and on. After my grandmother died I did cry a lil and felt guilty about that but recalled what was requested of me by my fahter way back. I had to keep my commitment and respect that. I recall seeing my grandfather after his death on several different occassions. Take into consideration at the age of 5-6 yrs old., I was unaware of what death was and was never told he had passed on to begin with. I do miss grandpa even after so many years have passed.

    In saying & believing in what I jus wrote, I have instructed my daughter not to mourn my death but to celebrate a new life for me and to take into consideration that I will no longer be in any more pain (physical, emotional and psychological). She has promised me she would not so that I can make an easy transition - spiritually.

    I hope this post will help comfort your pain and know that you will one day be reunited.

    God give you strength and comfort.

    [This Message was Edited on 06/18/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 06/18/2006]
  10. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    The hurt just isnt going to ease off that quick hun.

    Be comforted in the knowledge you did all you could for him.And he knew that!!

    Glad your son is doing all he can for you.And taking you with them.Good for them!!

    Prayers & hugs
  11. crafts1234

    crafts1234 Member

    Again I thank you all for your kind and Spiritual wisdom. Yes it is helping talking to you all, most of us are to private for our own good, at least I am. But I do not have the strength in this great grief to do it alone. You are all so very kind and I feel the love you are sending my way and my son's that is still on this earth. He has taken a back seat for so long because James took a great deal of care. I am looking forward to the opportunity I will have to make that up with Michael. I plan on sharing that with him tomorrow. Please Pray for us.
    GOD'S Blessing to all of you

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