Somebody (sorry I can't find it right now) posted the dog and cat diaries, respectively. BUT -- Did you think that a dog's life was that simple? Well, here's something to change your mind! *****A Day in the Life of a Dog****** 6:00 a.m.-6:15 a.m. Whimpers and whines to be let out of the house. 6:16 a.m. Rushes to garden in search of squirrels or other small animals. 6:20 a.m. No squirrels... Turns attention to newly planted bulbs. 6:21 a.m. Digs up bulbs. 6:30 a.m. Barks to come inside. 6:32 a.m. Barks again - more loudly. 6:35 a.m. To be sure all within twenty miles have heard, howls... which sets off all the other dogs within 20 miles howling too. 6:40 a.m. Back door finally opens. Enters house. Listens to make sure everyone in the house is now awake. Dog is now satisfied he has done his job and jumps on chair and goes to sleep. 7:00 a.m. Food sounds from kitchen. Wakes and goes to investigate. Hangs around chair of youngest human. Catches most food before it hits the floor. Licks the floor spotless so Mom won't have to wash it. 7:32 a.m. Back to sleep. 8:00 a.m. everyone's leaving... dog whimpers and makes everyone feel guilty; they promise to play with dog when they come home. 8:05 a.m. Visits each bedroom to make sure everyone is gone, then revisits to try out each bed to pick the one that's the softest and still warm, jumps up, rearranges covers, sleeps. 10:45 a.m. UPS deliveryman rings doorbell; dog recognized the sound of the truck already, goes back to sleep without moving. 11:00 a.m. Dog hears Mom coming home to await repairman... quickly jumps off bed and is at the door wagging tail innocently. Mom, feeling guilty about earlier, gives dog favorite cookie. 11:05 a.m. Having swallowed the dog cookie in one gulp, stretches out on living room rug to keep Mom company. 11:20 a.m. Vacuum cleaner switched on. Leaps from floor and attacks the noisy beast to save beloved Mom. 11:25 a.m. Dog grabbed by collar, shoved into a bedroom. Dog sighs, shakes himself in disgust, jumps on bed and goes to sleep. 12:30 p.m. Lunch sounds from kitchen. Dog awakens, realizes the door is open. Scurries past newly filled dog dish. Arrives first at table. Waits for food to drop from table. None. Goes to dog dish filled with food the TV ad says is irresistible to dogs. Sniffs. Looks around to make sure there's nothing better. Mom isn't even looking. Sighs. Eats. 12:50 p.m. Whines at door to go out. 12:55 p.m. Whines at door to come in. 1 p.m. Sees squirrel in backyard, frenzied barking to get at it. Door opens miraculously. 1:08 pm Squirrel escaped, is in neighbor's yard. Dog running up and down fence barking continuously. 1:10 p.m. Mom yells at dog to come in. 1:12 p.m. Mom walks out and grabs dog by collar and drags him in. 1:15 p.m. Repairman finally shows up. Dog leaps up barking in a frenzy, ready to protect wonderful Mom. 1:18 p.m. Back in bedroom. Dog continues frenzied barking at mysterious sounds and voice of stranger. 2 p.m. Is let out of bedroom again. Goes to sleep on living room couch after Mom goes to bedroom to take a quick nap. 2:02 p.mm. Hears friend barking outside. Whines loudly to go out again. When Mom doesn't appear, barks sharply. 2:03 p.m. Door opens. Leaps from house, squeezes thru special hole in fence that's hidden by bushes, and joins friends chasing cars. 2:45 p.m. Still chasing cars, with the odd squirrel thrown in for variety. 3:00 p.m. Decides to call on girlfriend up the street. She is sleeping. 3:05 p.m. Good Idea. Goes home and does the same. Nobody's home so curls up on the front porch and sleeps. 4:00 p.m. Children arrive home from school. Dog barks, yells, goes crazy. Told to calm down. Given a cookie in the hopes it will quiet him down. Leaves the crumbs on the living room carpet. Barks and yells some more. 4:05 p.m. Grabbed by collar and thrown out of the house. 4:09 p.m. After barking fails to open door, decides to call on girlfriend once more. Squeezes thru fence again. She has gone out. Runs to park. Finds another girl. 6:00 p.m. Dinner time. Hurries home. 6:10 p.m. Before door opens, lowers head and adopts pitiful appearance. 6:11 p.m. Doesn't work. "Get in here and where the hell have you been? HOW did you get out of that fence again!?!" 6:12 p.m. Hides under dinner table... quietly catches all the food thrown under table that the kids don't like. 6:45 p.m. Sleeping on couch next to kids watching TV. 6:55 p.m. Hears rattle of leash. Leaps off couch and rushes to front door to go on nightly walk with Dad. 7:17 p.m. At the park. Leash still attached. Sits quietly. Leash released. Goes Bananas. 7:55 p.m. Off leash. 8:22 p.m. Off leash. 8:55 p.m. Off leash. 9:15 p.m. Dad asks if anyone has seen dog. 9:45 p.m. Dad in luck. Someone has seen a dog swimming in nearby lake. 10:00 p.m. Back on leash. Immediately shakes self over owner. 10:05 p.m. Dragged back into house. 10:15 p.m. Settles down in front of TV. 10:35 p.m. Barks to go outside. 10:40 p.m. Barks loudly to come back inside. 10:42 p.m. Barks again before Mom or Dad can open door. Neighbor shouts that baby is trying to sleep. Also advises what Mom and Dad should do with dog. 10:46 p.m. Dog barks very loudly in the direction of neighbor's voice. Neighbor is loudly advising what he will do if dog doesn't shut up immediately. 10:50 p.m. Door opens. Dog rushes upstairs and hides under one of the kid's bed. Dad gives up and stops looking. Dog leaps on bed and snuggles in. Sleeps soundly. . .