========= A FUNNY DOG STORY ============

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Those of you who have/had dogs OR cats will definitely appreciate this (supposedly) true story.

    (imho, likely it IS true!)

    Those of you who have considered getting a dog but never had one before, may be reconsidering by the time you get done reading.... LOL.


    We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program.

    For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies: He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.

    Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that my husband and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.

    Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and, a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time.

    Instead, I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. (I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly.) It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment. I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am.

    Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Husband and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour at 8:30 PM. The rolls were ready to go in the oven. .

    When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty!

    I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury Doughboy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated!

    I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK; however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

    God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white, and now also pink. At this point, he was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.

    We arose at 7:30 and, as we always do first thing, put the dog out to relieve himself.

    Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt, and most of the time-- when he was walking-- his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time.

    His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

    Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, husband and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. Happily my sister lives only about a 10 to 15 minute drive away from our home.

    So, rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 minus 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between husband and I, we took off. Now, I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp... but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station.

    But that's not the worst of it. Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to my sister's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did. Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something.

    Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in, must come out' and Jasper was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave my sister's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure!

    We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I --obviously no one else was going to offer their services-- had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be scrubbed off too.

    Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at my husband's sister's house.

    I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume, from all appearances.

    I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.

    It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea.

    Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to:
    'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet'

    And how was your holiday?"

    Sorry, don't know who wrote it!

    [This Message was Edited on 08/24/2008]
  2. ckball

    ckball New Member

    Oh that was too funny, would love to know who wrote it. But it sounds like a normal day at my house with my wild ones, LOL.

    Have you seen the "How to give a cat a pill"? I saw it a long time ago and got it in a email yesterday. If not I will post it later.

    BTW- How are you adjusting to your new life style? Are you close to the Gulf Coast or the other side. I can't remember. I bet you could write a good story about your recent trek cross country.

    I haven't been able to read all the posts lately and lucky to get to the porch sometimes. But it is good to be able to be busy, if you know what I mean?

    Just wanted to say hi and see how you and your animals were doing. Carla
  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Yep, I've seen that cat post before... it can be pretty similar to trying to give a dog medicine in my experience. I was trying to give one of my dogs some abx in liver sausage, but apparently he bit into it instead of just gulping it down like most do. Ever since, he will NOT eat liver sausage, even when I show him its just a dab!

    Adjusting bit by bit, language of course is a big barrier. It may be wiser to start in a place where more english is spoken, but we've been lucky to have an instant friend in place, our landlady, who's from the states and has become bilingual in past 5 years. There are other ex-patriates here, but not a lot compared to places like San Miguel de Allende, but so far the few I've had a chance to meet have been nice. But, TG for the internet!

    I've pretty much recovered from the push/crash of packing/moving, plus a fractured toe before moving and sprained ankle on same foot 10 days ago! (just a walking accident waiting to happen what can I say!) ANd adjusting to much higher elevation.

    I and my DH really like the climate here, highs on sunny days are 75, about 68 during the rain. This is the rainy season, so it can shower for an hour or more or for a whole day, and vice-versa we can get several days of dry. Winters are totally dry and a bit cooler, and actually they tell me it's the hottest in mid-April til June when the rains start. So I'm really looking forward to see what it's like.

    I'm going to try to move a pic of the house I'm living in to my profile, it is really picture-perfect... I'm in Tzintzuntzan, near Patzcuaro in state of Michoacan, pretty much dead center in mountains (dead volcano range) but south of Mexico city by a couple hundred miles.

    thanks for asking...
    all the best,
  4. ckball

    ckball New Member

    It is a wonder you made it there in one peice, trying drive cross county with a bum toe, animals and such. Glad to know you survied the move. I will have to google it. I finally got broadband high speed after 4 years of dial up-

    All those hours of downloading are gone, you add all those 2-5 minutes extra for each page it adds up. I haven't even really got to play with it so much. However, I uploaded my last youtube video in about 2 minutes, dial up-all night, really.

    Sounds like your figuring it all out with help and like you said TG for the internet,LOL- DO you live in a modern city or more like the villiges. I just think it is so cool that you just up and did this. Love to see some pics of the mountains, nice things to paint, huh. Hope you can do that sometime. TTYL-Carla
  5. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    I still have tears streaming down my face...that was hilarious!!!

    The worst thing Bubba (my doggie) ever did was jump through a McDonald's drive through window...guess the smell of food was just too much for him. The whole place was either laughing or screaming and the drive-up dude is yelling "You can't have a dog in here!!" I had to quickly park my car and retrieve Bubba from the manager who had him by the collar. Pets and kids...you gotta love 'em:)

  6. victoria

    victoria New Member

    HOW did you ever teach your dogs to belch on command?

    I have one who always comes up to me after eating and politely belches as if to say 'thank you, that was good/appreciated".... and it is a polite belch, LOL I've seen the other kind! I always thought he was especially appreciative as he always comes up to me right after eating... he was a rescue, had been on his own for several months I was told...

    or am I just crazy anthropomorphizing like that...
    yep, PROBABLY! but fun just the same!

    all the best,
  7. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    That was a great story especially since it is true. OMG what a character.

    Thanks for the laugh Victoria,

  8. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    I have tears streaming down my face too!

    I mean the story got funnier and funnier and i thot it was over when the part about the two hidden rolls in the closet came on....i just collapsed!

    Thanks for another great post!

    We dog owners might complain and complain but we do love our doggies no matter what dont we! look how pricelss they can be. I can just imagine the poor doctor trying to giv instructions over the phone and laughing all the time.

    God Bless

    God Bless
  9. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I guess that proves you can teach a smart dog just about anything.

    Well, I guess that's how they get all those cute dogs in the movie to do insane seeming things on cue?

    You're smart, wildflowers, hehehehe, altho your DH mayhave a 2nd opinion by this point!

    Glad y'all found it as funny as I did........ yep my dogs provide me with endless entertainment and best of all, unconditional love!

    all the best,

  10. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    Not to take the limelight off your pooch Victoria, but this is funny too.

    I used to coach my daughter's fast pitch team and when we had our end of the season picnic, I brought a huge sheet cake for the party.

    Well anyway, when we packed up the van I put the 1/2 eaten cake in the back seat of the van. Then not thinking I put Jack (my yellow lab) in there. Well about 10 minutes later after saying goodbye to everyone, I got in the van and yes, he ate the whole thing including crumbs, there wasn't a spot anywhere of cake.

    It was a good thing it was white cake with white frosting. Anyway later he was sick as a "dog" LOL and boy did it come out both ends. LOL

    This is fun, I would love to hear everyone's funny pet stories.


  11. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Micky, actually, and thankfully, that didn't happen to one of my dogs - TG - it was somebody else's!

    Your story about your lab tho reminds me of a clip from Funniest Pet Videos, where someone videotaped their dog pushing a chair from the kitchen table over to the counter where a cake was, so he could jump up on the chair, and from there to the counter!

    But...along the same lines of the story I posted, I did have a fox terrier that loved chewing on my dad's socks and take them under the bed. If we heard her under there, she'd swallow them before I could wiggle under to get it - as fast as I was (only 14 then) I could never get it in time. And yep, her colon got regular 'scrubbings' as a result, amazing it never stopped her up.

  12. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    Victoria, that is so funny. I am telling you, our pets are just like kids, really!!!!

    Also, my husband doesn't let Jack into our room because of the hair (you would think it would be a woman that would not let him in). Anyway, when Jack knows "daddy" is not around he will sneak in there because he knows I won't yell at him or get made at him and he will keep looking towards the door to see if he is coming. He is so cute when he does that.

    I just love my Doggy, I have 2 daughters and he is my boy I never had, definetly a Mama's Boy.
  13. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I could trade dog stories all day...

    one of our current dogs has always layed down on my DH's side of the bed. We recently decided on separate bedrooms due to both of us having sleep problems, but he still only lays on my DH's bed. Right now my DH is gone, so I just put a big washable spread over the bed and I'm letting him do it LOL.

    Did you ever see the video of the dog in England who could open kennel doors? The had a video of him in the rescue kennel opening his door first, going to the kitchen to get what he wanted, then coming back and unlocking certain other dogs' kennels so they couuld get what they wanted to eat - apparently he only let out the ones he liked, not all. True story, they had the video! Then someone adopted him, and true to form, he figured out how to break out the front locked door by somehow unlocking it....

    so much for the saying 'dumb animals'....!

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