A funny for today!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by crumpton, Nov 22, 2005.

  1. crumpton

    crumpton New Member


    This is funny, almost true, to a degree....



    Subject: The truth will set you free.


    Thanks to All of You ...


    I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
    me such informative e-mails over the years.

    I must especially send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat
    crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to get a wet towel
    with every envelope that needs sealing.

    Also, I scrub the top of every single can I open for the same reason.

    Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
    remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
    people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under
    God" on their cans.

    I have stopped using Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes
    cancer.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
    pricked by a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
    water buffalo on a hot day.

    I have stopped going to shopping malls because someone will drug me with
    a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
    number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
    Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

    I will never again eat at KFC because their chickens are actually
    horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have
    their recipe.

    I have completely stopped worrying about my soul because I have 363,214
    angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena will certainly grant
    my every wish soon.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
    forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
    minutes.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl in the
    hospital who is about to die (for the 1,387,258th time ).

    Yes, I so much want to thank you for looking out for me that I will now
    return the favor! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
    people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on
    your head at 5:00 PM (EDT) and the fleas from 2 camels will infest your
    back, causing you to grow a huge, hairy hump.

    I know for sure that this will occur because it actually happened to a
    friend of my neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
    beautician.








  2. TwinMa

    TwinMa New Member

    Thanks for the laugh! I love it! I have received every one of those email multiple times!

    Still Laughing!!

    Katy
  3. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    So funny...but so sad as I have received many of them myself. Thank goodness for Snopes, Hoaxbusters, etc!

    Thanks for the good chuckle...

    Sue
  4. crumpton

    crumpton New Member

    I do not get these e-mails from any of you and all of you are more than helpful when I need it

    My family sends me these but I love them anyway. E-mails help me through my day. Something I can sit and do.

  5. diva2mi

    diva2mi New Member

    I did not take any offense to the posting, in fact it made me giggle a little. I get all those emails, and I am sure would receive many more of them if my mother were still alive. She used to give me all the "rules" of the kitchen, such as the saran wrap and such...

    Also, I wasn't allowed to stand in the same room as the microwave, because of the probability of radiation. To this day, I run to another room when using the microwave.

    Thanks for brightening my day just a little.
  6. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I once got myself to stop eating chocolate completely for a few years after hearing about how many insect parts, etc., were found in it and how much was 'admissable'...

    I don't know if it's age that's brought me wisdom or CFS that doesn't allow me to think straight anymore or what --

    but now I figure what the heck, it's just extra protein, hehe!

    All the best,
    Victoria
  7. kimfibro

    kimfibro New Member

    I WAS GIGGLING FROM BEGINNING TO END!!! LOVED IT AND THANKS FOR STARTING MY MORNING OFF WITH IT!
  8. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    Thanks for the laugh!

    Kelly
  9. Fudge43

    Fudge43 New Member

    .... this has been a blast... and I am looking at envelopes differently now ! haha ... some things I didn't need to know ! haha ..
    Good laugh this morning ! Thanks !
    Fudge : )