This is funny, almost true, to a degree.... Subject: The truth will set you free. Thanks to All of You ... I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me such informative e-mails over the years. I must especially send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I scrub the top of every single can I open for the same reason. Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I have stopped using Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked by a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I have stopped going to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I will never again eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have their recipe. I have completely stopped worrying about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena will certainly grant my every wish soon. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl in the hospital who is about to die (for the 1,387,258th time ). Yes, I so much want to thank you for looking out for me that I will now return the favor! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EDT) and the fleas from 2 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a huge, hairy hump. I know for sure that this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.