A funny for today

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cosmoo, Nov 27, 2005.

  1. cosmoo

    cosmoo New Member

    Hi all,
    I was cleaning out some drawers and came across this old Dear Abbey column in which someone had sent her this funny. It was to good not to post-enjoy!

    DAIL 'F' FOR FRUSTRATION
    The frustrating non-communication of today's fax,e-mail and telephone systems leads me to peer into the future:
    You have reached your doctor
    If it's in your head, press 1 NOW
    If it's in your stomach, press 2 NOW
    If it's in your heart, press 3 NOW
    If you've died while waiting, press 4 NOW and the morgue will be over to pick you up.

    Can't we all relate!
  2. unbalanced

    unbalanced New Member

    Someone told me this joke when I was a kid & it has stuck with me my entire life. Why? I don't know! Its sort of corny!! There are 3 strings that go into the bar to have a drink, they find a table & sit down. The 1st string goes up to the bar & orders drinks, the bartender asks"are you a string?" the string says"well, yes I am" the bartender says "sorry we don't serve strings here" So the string goes back to the table & tells the others what had happened. So, the 2nd string goes up to the bar & orders a drink, the bartender asks "are you a string?" The string says "well, yes I am" the bartender says "sorry we don't serve strings here" so he goes back to the table & tells the others what had happened. The 3rd string says "I'll get the drinks" He goes into the corner ties himself into a knot & frays the ends, he goes up to the bar & orders a drink, the bartender says "are you a string?" the string says "Frayed knot!" LOL
  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    good ones both!!!

    the doctor's answering machine reminds me of this oldie:


    ANSWERING SERVICE for MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTES:

    "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. Please listen carefully to the following options:

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5,and 6.

    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line however so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will transferred to the mother ship.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

    If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

    If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the star key until someone comes on the line.

    If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969.

    If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

    If you have post-traumatic-stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 0000000.

    If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you."
  4. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Oh, how I can relate!!

    Last week while placing a phone call, I was sitting there in a daze (which is not unusual!!) just waiting for all the computer instructions to come on regarding the press 1, etc., when all of a sudden I realized that someone was saying "hello", "hello" -- then I snapped back into reality and just said "Is this a real person?!!" He was rather sarcastic and said "yes ...."

    I had to tell him that I am so unused to hearing a real person answer the phone anymore that I didn't know what to say!!!

    He caught me off guard!!