Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cinnveet, Jun 4, 2006.

  1. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    Not too long ago I posted a letter to my husband. Now I have a letter to a friend. My hope is that others will find this letter useful to their friend.

    Dear Friend,

    I know my illness puts pressure on both of us and strains our relationship. Don't give up on me! Please try to be patient. I have unpredictable mood swings; please don't take them personally. Sometimes I'm so depressed I want the whole world to go away and I don't want to talk to anyone. I just need to pull back until I am ready to interact productively again.

    Let's talk together about the changes in me and the changes in our relationship. I know you've noticed them. Please tell me about your life, too, even if I forget to ask. Illness is a very self-absorbed state, but I still care about you. If I forget to show my caring, please let me know, gently. Your needs matter to me a lot, but sometimes mine get in the way.

    I need lots of attention right now, lots of caring. I don't want to overwhelm you with my needs but sometimes they overwhelm me. I don't expect you to rescue me and make it all better, but I hope you're willing to listen while I express thoughts, emotions, and needs. Sometimes I'll need your feedback. As I attempt to express my needs, tell me if I'm not being clear or if I'm expecting too much.

    There are times I think I can't get through this. Please remind me that I'm strong and that I've gotten through so far. Tell me you believe in me.

    Our relationship is uneven and unbalanced. I don't feel good about being the one with greater needs. I don't expect to be babied or coddled, but I often need a lot of attention and caring. I sometimes feel like a burden and wonder if you just tolerate me to be nice. I know better; this is my insecurity talking. I wish I could repay you somehow, even though you probably don't expect it.

    Please continue to stay in touch and invite me to do things with the understanding that I wish I could join you but may have to respond with "maybe" or "no." Try to realize that what seems to you like minor exertion is a major effort for me. When I'm not doing well, such an effort can deplete my energy resources and may further jeopardize my health. I miss doing things with you but need to be very careful about my activity level.

    I both love and hate it when you tell me I'm looking good. Please don't assume that means I'm feeling good. And when you ask how I am, I'll answer honestly but will try to be concise.

    I know you can't always be available for me, and I'll try to understand when you have conflicting needs of your own. Illness has helped me to realize the importance of feeling cared about.

    Thank you for being my friend.

    God Bless,

    Please let me know if you would change or add to this, as I apprecate the advise that is always given here.

    [This Message was Edited on 06/04/2006]
  2. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    I am going to give this to one of my friends who truly cares for me and will appreciate a better understanding of my condition. I am also going to give it to my sister, who doesn't really understand me, and hope the letter will help.

    I hope others can get some use from this letter to make a family member or friend understand.

    I just want to say to you, how proud I am of your thoughtfulness with everyone and your courage to stand up and make others aware. You are an inspiration.

    God Bless,
  3. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    Thank you for posting the letter to your friend. It is well written and I am going to use it and reword it for my adult children and a couple of friends.

    Did you post the letter to your husband? If you did what was the title? I need to write a letter to my husband and a guide would be nice.

    Thank you so much for sharing.
  4. cinnveet

    cinnveet New Member

    titled. A letter to my husband and the aftermath.

    At first he really took to what I was saying to him.

    Then a day latter he had a smart remark to my son about me.

    Then I got hit with my endo. telling me he is certain that I have heart disease. My husband is now being my best friend, and will support me with all the upcoming tests.

    He left the letter laying out and I caught him the other day reading it again. That made me feel so good.

    God Bless,

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