A little more on what has gone one since my Mother passed

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mlp1954, May 11, 2006.

  1. mlp1954

    mlp1954 New Member

    You were all so kind and great when I posted last week about my Mom passing away suddenly. It has been a very hard week. I so appreciated all your thoughts and kind words. I read them all.

    Well let me fill you in, I work for a small family owned business, there are 10 year round employees, and in summer we have a few more. I have a very good relationship with all of my coworkers. They all like me and I try to be kind to them all. I run the office, payroll, customer service, computers, you name it I do it.

    I went back to work Monday. I knew I was going to have a bad day, as I cried on the way to work, but I was not prepared for what happened.

    I walked into the office, and my boss, who I have worked for for 7 years, just said Hi, how are you. Then a very casual " oh sorry about your mom"

    Then the foreman walked up to me and said " did you have a nice vacation"? !!! I looked at him, my eyes filled with tears, and said I was not on vacation, my mother passed away. He was totally shocked and felt terrible that he didnt know, but no one had told him. My boss had not told my coworkers what had happened.

    Every time one of the guys mentions my vacation this past week, I have proceeded to tell them what happened, and they all felt bad that they were not told.

    I was heartbroken. My family does not live nearby, so the people I work with would not be traveling to the funeral, but wouldnt it have been common respect to tell my co-workers my Mother had passed.

    This has hurt me beyond belief.

    To top it off, my Fibro and Rheumatoid arthritis are flaring so bad, probably from the stress of my Mom dying, and I just found out I have to start working 6 days a week. How am I going to handle this?

    Any one have any advice for me?

    Thanks for listening. You are the best people.

    [This Message was Edited on 05/12/2006]
  2. mykas_mommy

    mykas_mommy New Member

    I completely understand your hurt feelings at the way the owners handled the whole situation. Who knows their reasoning the only reason I could think of not sharing with the "crew" is to protect your privacy. I find it odd that they didnt send a plant or flowers for the funeral like any of the places that I have worked. If you dont feel like telling the "crew" why you were gone just simply tell them that your "vacation" was not what you expected and leave it at that.

    God bless you and keep you in his loving arms in your time of need.

  3. sisland

    sisland New Member

    nice to hear from you! Is it at all possible for you to work part time and apply for ssdi? i'm sure it's very hard for you right now!!!........................................Some people have no regard for others feelings!! maybe you should have a good sit down talk with your boss!! greiving is such a awful process! you are in my thoughts and prayers whatever avenu you decide to take just know that we are hear for you!!.....................................................Sydney
    [This Message was Edited on 05/11/2006]
  4. mom4three

    mom4three New Member

    My heart goes out to you.

    I wish I had the answers for you. I wish I had a big hot tub for you to come sit in everyday after work.

    Hugs to you sweetie.
  5. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Oh that is just awful. The least that boss should have done was gotten together a small condolence card and maybe a flower arrangement for you.

    I would honestly tell the wife how this has made you feel, something like, "To be honest, I thought I was a part of the "family" here, and I have to tell you I was really shocked that you treated the death of my mom without a second thought. It has made me feel as if you do not carae at all about me."

    I think that quiet, truthful, honesty has a place.

    I think it would be a good idea as otherwise you will just perseverate on this for a long time and oyu are already in a stress flare.

    God bless,
    Love Anne C
  6. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    Your bosses are "a--"s They should have sent you flowers and a note.They also should have told the "guy's"
    I am shocked that people are so cold and ill mannered now adays.
    You need to put yourself FIRST right now .If you cannot work the extra hours tell them.Do not even consider their needs they already have been rude to probably their best employee.You said you have worked there 7 years well they sound like they dont know how lucky they are.You can always find another job .Staying healthy and taking care of you is investing in your future.If they choose to let you go then maybe God has a better place with more considerate bosses.Good Luck your in my prayers.
  7. mlp1954

    mlp1954 New Member

    Thank you for your reply. You mention my working part time and applying for SSDI. I am not sure what that is, Can I work and apply for that at the same time, work part time I mean? Right now we can not get by without my income, we need it for about another year or so, then I could go part time. I am just so exhausted, I am open to ideas. Thanks. Pattie
  8. mlp1954

    mlp1954 New Member

    I agree that a card signed by all the workers would have been nice. I was not looking for flowers or anything. My boss did donate in my Mom's name to a cause my Dad requested, which was nice, but none of that overrides the fact that my coworkers were not informed. It makes me feel like my Mom was not important to them. I know they really didnt know her, but I would never of done what they did to anyone. Maybe I am being over sensitive.

    I talked to my Dad and he is doing better. I think we are starting to realize we are lucky Mom did not suffer, and lucky we had her as long as we did.

    My Mom had an ectopic (not sure of spelling) pregnancy about 45 years ago, and almost died. Came minutes from dying. But we were lucky we didnt lose her then. Every day was a gift. Thanks again.
  9. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Your boss was wrong to not tell your colleagues about your Mom's passing. It is true that many do not know the most common etiquettes for everyday life anymore.

    As they have learned of it and expressed their shock and condolences, I'm sure they all felt terrible that they didn't know; I sure would.

    Maybe you could gather those closest to you at work and let them know you don't want it to ever happen to anyone else, and maybe set up a "Point-Person" who would ask the boss to make sure they are notified when these types of things happen to any co-workers, full or part timers

    They and hopefully you will feel better knowing no one will ever be "forgotten" or overlooked again.

    I can't remember if you said what happened to your mom...its so shocking to hear of one of OUR "family" (here) passing suddenly...could you share with us what happened, when you are up to it?

    Give your dad our love and hold mom in both your memories closely...again, she sounds like a precious person.

    [This Message was Edited on 05/12/2006]
  10. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    Only another woman who has lost her mother knows how you feel. Men have a different attachment to their mothers. My mom was sick for seven months but I never thought she would die. I really didn't. I simply did not prepare myself mentally or emotionally. She was in and out of the hospital thirteen times. I lived closest to her so most of her care was given by me. One weekend my husband convinced me to go to the lake for two days so I got my niece lined up to take calls from my mom. She died that weekend. It was so not fair. I was not there. I cried for several months off and on, I even had to stop working for a while. I was so devastated.
    Thank you for listening to my story. My school did not send flowers to me or the funeral so I know what you mean. No one told the teachers in my department. So, I hear you. When one guy asked how she was doing, I had to say she died and that got me tuned up again and I had to leave the meeting.
    The crying and emotional pain improves with time but you never get over missing your mom. Love to you.
  11. mariee

    mariee Member

    Dear Pattie,
    I can't help you w. your work situation, but I am so sorry about the passing of your Mom.
    I too had to work after my Mom died. I did a lot of grief work and sought some counseling, since my husband did not get it at all.
    My counselor advised me to set aside time each day to remember my Mom in a special way. Mom gave me so many beautiful gifts...love of nature, music, humor, children etc.
    I needed time on my own each day to grieve.
    It took a long time. With Mother's Day just around the corner, you need to be really good to yourself.
    Sending you blessings.