Hi all. A few days ago I was more down than I have been in ages. I went to a psychologist earlier in the day and felt good about the session. Later that evening a few stressful things hit me pretty hard. I don't know why, but the depression I had been experiencing tripled and I was at a place I had only been a few other times in my life. My head was throbbing like it was going to explode, tears were pouring down my face and everything hurt to the point of insanity. I laid in bed and closed my eyes but all I kept thinking of was how wonderful it would be to end it all. I even saw images of myself in the act of doing this. I went downstairs to put dishes away just to get my mind off things and it hit me even harder as I was putting my butcher knife away. I will not lie and say the thought didn't hit me. It hit me as far as me touching the point of the knife. My heart furiously argued with my brain..do it dont do it do it dont do it do it dont do it. As I was lost somewhere in the middle of the argument I was brought back to reality by a huge pain on the left side of my chest that made me double over and drop the knife. The immediate emotion I felt was blinding fear. I feared I was having a heart attack. I immediately thought of my children and how lost they would be without me. I thought of my husband raising them on his own. I thought of my family missing me, and the tears my mother would shed at losing me. All these thoughts happened in a millisecond as the pain hit me. I called my husband into the kitchen and he must have heard the fear in my voice because he came running. He saw me crouched on the floor with tears and rage and fear on my face. He saw the knife next to me. He held me for awhile and he helped me upstairs to go lay down. As I laid there I prayed to God to please, please help me. The answer I got in return was..."I just did."