a piece on relationships..its a bit long though.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by flossyfudleFran, Aug 10, 2006.

  1. id just like to share with you,a piece ive just read in my dissability newspaper.its about being honest with potential partners about our illness,instead of hiding it away.

    as a wheelchair user or someone with a physically unusual body,you have to deal with the non-disabled communitys preconceived ideas and prejudices about you and your abilities.

    but what about those of us who have a hidden or less obvious physical impairment?

    we can blend in and often choose, who and when, we reveal we are disabled.

    it may make our social life easier if we can blend in,but when it comes to relationships,you have to be honest if you want to progress.

    a example of a invisible disability is fatigue,which is difficult for many people to understand.

    fatigue,as experienced by those who have ME,post polio syndrome,MS and any number of conditions,is not about feeling a little tired and is not something that will be cured by a good rest.

    this is a almost mind-numbingly extreme fatigue that affects everything from reading a book to making a cup of tea.

    but how and when do you tell a potential lover that you often feel too tired to leave your chair let alone the house?

    there is no future in your relationship if you hide your disability.so when do you tell them and how do you explain?
    whats the chance that they will run away as fast as they can?

    ..this person then goes on to say...

    i wish i knew the answers to those questions.it is a concern that many of my clients and i have struggled with,even when trying to maintain a active social life.

    there is often ignorance and fear about having a relationship with a disabled person,even though many of us make great partners and lovers.

    however,that does not mean we should throw our hands up and give in.there are people who are willing to learn,take a risk and discover that disabled people can be entertaining,loyal,fun friends and lovers.

    the difficulty is getting that across in a positive way when we are at our best,not when we are having to rest and withdraw.

    it requires confidence to explain the realities of our hidden impairments.it does make relationships difficult to maintain but in the end,through honesty and belief in the goodness of others,we can build strong friendships and relationships with no secrets holding us back.

    this gentle then asks readers to write back and tell him what we think..

    ..well at last a piece on sufferers like us.im so happy to see that newspapers are putting more articles in there about the difficulties we silent sufferers are going through,in every aspect of our lives,due to the invisible illness we suffer with.this article is in a uk dissability newspaper,ill let you know what people say,if and when they reply back to him.

    kind regards
  2. Roseblossom

    Roseblossom Member

    I like seeing articles like this - thanks.

    I'm very interested in this newspaper that discusses issues about being disabled. Is it an online website, by chance?

    Kind regards to you,

  3. louiesgirl2

    louiesgirl2 New Member

  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Nice post.
    Thank you for taking the time.

    P.S. I read somewhere else that there are men who love their women more if they are disabled or in wheel chairs.

  5. Scapper

    Scapper New Member

    Thanks for taking the time to post that info.

    I definitely agree in honesty being the best way to deal with relationships/being disabled. I have yet to find someone who can handle cfids, or whom I WANT to even handle it :) I still get the feeling that people are afraid to get involved with me b/c of this "mysterious illness" and it makes me very sad...

    I couldn't agree more with "fight" -- it takes someone who is grounded and of high esteem to NOT take it personally AND not blame your illness when things don't work out. It can be an easy and convenient scapegoat for those who don't want to look at themselves!!

    In the meantime, I guess all we can do is remain honest and open.

    I look forward to hearing what some of the replys were or how people here handle this in their personal lives.

  6. roseblossom
    i tried to write down the link of the disability newspaper were i got my relationship story from.but i wasnt allowed to put that information on this site sadly,so my link wasnt accepted.

    im just going to see if im allowed to write the name of the disability newspaper for you,then you might eventually get to their site.

    here it is.

    DN disabilityNOW

    many thanks for taking the time to read my post,and for your replies.

    love from fran