A story and a question (Update Mon., 6-15-2009)

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by teacher, May 10, 2009.

  1. teacher

    teacher New Member

    I have a friend that has been me through my whole adventure into Thyroid cancer this school year. There are only a few people I have been completely frank with (evnthough my name isn't Frank) and she is one of those.

    She told me this weekend that, as a Christian, it hurts her to hear me say that I am tired. She belives I am, but she thinks I should speak more positive things. Like "I'm healed." or things along those lines.

    I should also be open to vigorous exercise by now.

    She thinks it's funny that I refer to myself as a "delicate flower", but still believes that I am limiting God by not claiming His power to heal from all disease. He created us in His image and I should ask and belive and act as if it has already been granted.

    I do belive we were created in His image. I do believe that He has the power to heal all disease.

    I also believe that He has three answers for our prayers: yes, no, and not yet. He has a reason for His answers and it's our job to learn to live with those answers.

    Sometimes we want a "yes" and we're given a "not yet" because we haven't learned whatever lesson he wants us to learn.

    Sometimes we're given a "no" because He knows we're headstrong (who? me? lol) and will get too far away from Him if we're not kept humble in some way.

    Here's my truth.

    I keep going until I absolutely can't anymore. I have severely cut my lessons down to the bare bones. The kiddies are basicallly on autopilot. I only have two sick days left and I'm trying to save those to maximize Memorial Day weekend.

    I have no social life anymore. I'm too tired after I get out there and make a living. It's just me and I have to do what I have to do.

    I have improved to the point that I am beginning to think about going to my sewing circle again this summer. There was a time this winter when even thinking of trying to have fun was exhausting.

    I am listening to my music more. I haven't tackled the piano much, even at work, because my hands tire easily.

    I am reading more. This is a good thing because the fog intensified so much so that reading anything was impossible. Even the comics in the paper made no sense. I still get tripped up, even at school, but the kiddies and I just laugh and move on.

    I manage to get one load of laundry done a week. Gotta have undies! Two loads means I've had an excellet week.

    I still have to manage the family drama. BTW, my niece's mother has moved back home with my parents. Hoo boy!

    She has lived through all of these baby steps and more with me.

    By the grace of God, I have been able to be mostly positive about and through this time of my life. I have been able to have faith enough to know that He knows best and He will bring me through. So far so good.

    One of the things I have learned through all of this is that it's OK to say the truth about how you're feeling and not have to apologize.

    Suddenly, I feel like I have to apologize to her for trusting her enough to understand that I'm not complaining when I tell her that I'm tired. It's a barometer of what I'm feeling at the moment. A fact. It is what it is. But I do keep moving, albeit very slowly on some days, unitl I run out of gas.

    I was bit caught off guard with this turn of conversation. What am I missing here?

    Sincerely trying to understand,


    [This Message was Edited on 06/15/2009]
    [This Message was Edited on 06/15/2009]
  2. teacher

    teacher New Member

    Your reinforcement is quite welcome!

    I finally came to that conclusion after an afternoon of thinking and soul searchng. I realized that the problem is hers, not mine.

    I am willing to cut her some slack this time. She's under stress right now herself. Single mom, working full-time and going back to school.

    We've only known each other for a little over a year and this cancer thing has been the first true test of the relationship.

    I'll not refer to it tomorrow. I will continue as I am and what she chooses to do will be up to her.

    I'm learning that I like me a lot. "Delicate flowerness" and all! lol


  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Sometimes those that have not experienced cancer or other illnesses have no concept of just how much it can be to go through surgery, treatment, potential chemo and the recovery. Just saying "I am healed" isn't going to miraculously heal you that day and instead you would be lying to yourself and everyone else. And your recovery isn't about making your friend feel good, it is about you recovering from an ailment.

    Your body takes time to heal and recover from everything and your body is what you have to listen to. Fatigue is telling you to rest and you listen to it. You are slowly making progress, but don't let this woman get to you. When her time comes for a serious illness or cancer, she may talk much differently than she did to you.

    [This Message was Edited on 05/10/2009]
  4. Denamay

    Denamay New Member

    I do not think you are missing a thing!

    My God, you have suffered so much this past year, what does your friend expect?

    We who are ill do what we can on a daily basis, sometimes more, sometimes less.

    I think that it must take a lot of effort for you to keep on keeping on and you are doing a great job!

    I like it that you say "it is what it is", what else can you do?

    It sounds like you are healing and getting stronger.

    Yor friend will miss having an honest relationship with you, if she will not accept your truth.

    That would be a sad result for both of you.

    Wishing you every good thing. Denamay
    [This Message was Edited on 05/10/2009]
  5. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    I think your faith is exactly right on target. And very beautiful and strong! I totally agree with God answering us "yes, no, and not yet." He is working in our lives in ways we can never fully see.

    It's amazing that you're working, and taking care of things! Please don't push yourself too hard - keep listening to your body.

    The teaching that everyone will and should be healed goes along with the claiming prosperity thing. It's been around a long time. If it were true, then, why would'nt we all be healed???

    Why were the Saints not healed, but many times endured extra illnesses? And what about all the other sufferings we endure? Of course we want it all to go away, but that's not reality.

    Your love for God in and through your thyroid cancer encourages me, to trust God with other things that I have to endure.

    Don't let your friend put a guilt trip on you. I'm glad you came to the conclusion that it is her problem.

    I had a friend who believed in that idea that you should keep proclaiming you were healed, and I told her quite a few times how distressing it was for me to keep hearing that. It came to the point that I was hesitating about saying anything to her. I had to let that friendship go - it was truly making me ill. (Ironically)

    May God Bless you in all his faithful love. Thank you for sharing your inspiring faith.


  6. teacher

    teacher New Member

    Your support is MOST appreciated. Sometimes when you're in the middle of all the stuff that's happening, it's hard to see and/or think clearly. This site is a blessing.

    It's been a tough two days. I know I said I would behave as usual, and I have, but it feels different somehow.

    She hugged me as soon as she saw me yesterday and told me that she loved me, but it felt empty.

    I didn't think anything of it yesterday, but I still feel the emptyness today. I think it's me. I was so surprised by her comments, I think it drained me more than I realized.

    I'm pretty listless right now, which is odd since my Spring Concert is Thursday evening and Friday morning. I don't feel like doing anything.

    The end of the day was tough. I didn't want to come home, I didn't want to stay late, I didn't want to eat, I just wanted to cry, but I really didn't want to do that either. So, I went shoe shopping!

    Got some real cuties for when I feel like leaving the house this summer. I just may wear some of them to school.

    I'm sure some of this will lift when the concert is over. Concert season is always tough.

    All you beautiful flowers have a lovely evening.


  7. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    I went to sleep last night thinking of you, praying, and hoping you would come back. And also thought of you this morning, in prayer. It must be the Holy Spirit giving you the extra help you need for concert-time.

    Dear Lord Jesus, please pour out your love in abundance on our friend Teacher. Thank you that she found the pretty shoes:) Please Lord, bring your strength into her weakness and need, and lift her spirits. Help her to rejoice in your love and care, and your delight in her. And give her the wisdom to know when to rest, and the confidence that she had before she was hurt by her friend.

    Help her through this time of the concert. Lord. I ask all of this in Your Precious, Holy Name. Amen.

    Blessings to you!
  8. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    Aren't we glad that our God is not a "one size fits all" God!

    All that you need to claim is God's unique plan for you!

    I think you are making a remarkable recovery.

    Maybe your friend will be impressed that she needs to sincerely try to understand! LOL

  9. jole

    jole Member

    What a load you carry! You are such a strong and beautiful person to be able to keep going for your "kids". I'm sure they love you very much, and appreciate all that you do for them.

    Concerts are such a draining thing for teachers. I knew a music teacher very well and she ran on pure adrenaline the last week, giving so much time and energy with the practicing, one-on-one, etc. that by the time the concert was over she would nearly collapse.....and she was very healthy with a high energy level!

    It's no wonder you were left in a place of needing shoes! lol

    Your faith is just fine....don't let anyone cause you to doubt yourself. As long as you let God know you are still His, He will give you what you need....when you need it....as He sees best. You know how much He loves you!

    Did you explain to your friend how you believe? If she continues to press you, you may need to ask her to either back off or discontinue your friendship. You don't need any added stress to worry about.....but I also know how difficult it is to give up a friend. Just need to weigh the options.

    I am very proud of the strong faith you have, and I know God is walking beside you every step of the way. Just remember we are all here for you....we are all struggling with our illnesses and do understand. Prayers coming your way for strength to make it through the concert, and for continued healing of your body. You are very special in His eyes, and in mine.

    In Christ ***Jole***
  10. teacher

    teacher New Member

    Thank you so much for your prayers. You are helping me get through this week.

    It was really hard to get up this morning. I hurt, but I finally managed to peel myself up and put on my new gold sandals with flowers on the toes and go to school. I was in more pain by the time I got to school than I was before I left.

    One of the parents stopped me and asked me if I was OK. I told her no and she started rubbling my back. I asked her to please stop before I started crying. She did but she wasn't happy about it.

    My friend came out of her room about then and took a good look at me and wanted to give me a hug. I told her not to touch me because I would start crying. She would not take no for an answer AND insisted on praying for me! There wasn't a mention of "claiming healing" or any of that stuff. Just "thank you" for what You've done and what You're going to do. Your prayers are doing a number on her to, it seems!

    My kiddies gave lots of hugs too. I lost it for a bit, but regained my balance when I laughed.

    Pre-Kindergarten, Kindergarten, First, and Second Grades were going to the zoo today. One of the Second Graders asked if I was going with. I asked him if I had on "Zoo shoes". He looked at my feet and said, "Nope. She's not going to the zoo!" That laugh helped a lot.

    My friend bought me a hot chocolate after they loaded the busses. Chocolate always helps. :)

    I took my dress to my mother so she can iron it for me during the day. I'll pick her up after school so she can attend. She never misses any of my concerts if she can help it.

    I'll let y'all know later this weekend how it goes. I'll get home too late tomorrow to do anythng except go to bed.

    Again, I thank you for your support and prayers. You've helped me to regain a bit of my balance. I'm sure the rest will return after all this fun is over!

    God bless all of you beautiful flowers.


  11. soulight

    soulight New Member

    Your friend is ignorant , as many Christians are ( I am a born again Christian and I still believe this) Ignorance meaning not aware . She just doesn't have deep enough wisdom or education to see the deeper things of God.

    I hope she is not a "name it and claim it " Christian , but it sounds like it. I would personally , give Grace to those who need it from God ( your friend) and continue to go on the path that you are , which is spot on and in the right direction IMHO.

    In His Grace,
  12. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Loved your shoes and I had to chuckle because they sounded so comfortable and the kids agreed they weren't "zoo shoes."

    Just a suggestion, but when your "friend" comes around in school or such, can you think of something to say like "I'm praying that someone will get me a hot chocolate" or "I'm praying that someone will get me a glass of ice water"--just something to give her an errand to do to get her out of your hair and away from you so you can continue on to the classroom or whatever. Many hugs.
  13. springwater

    springwater Well-Known Member

    I think youre very brave to go out and keep doing what you do...teaching all those kids and help get up concerts for them.....even when you are struggling with ill health.

    Loved hearing about those shoes....and the remark made by that little fella...kids can be so entertaining !

    Good luck for the concert and praying for you

    God Bless
  14. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    So glad that your friend thought of something comforting to do and say!

    Will keep you in prayers - so sorry for all the pain you're in.

    May God tenderly care for you, and see you through.

  15. teacher

    teacher New Member

    again for your care and support. I made it through the week with your help.

    I even felt well enough to go to church this morning and I'm so glad I did. The message was on keeping your spirit right and not holding grudges and being grumpy.

    I think I have a bit of work ahead this week. It was kind of hard to be nice this week to my friend, but I think I've got to try a bit harder this week after what I heard this morning.

    The Lord's timing is perfect. I don't have to worry about my concert anymore, so I think I'll have a bit more energy to focus on being more myself. I may even have a chance to talk to her about this. I don't know. We shall see.

    I'm getting tired mentally now. It's been a long day. But I can't complain. The sun is out and I had plenty of energy to go to church and take my niece to the store before taking her back to college. I'd day it's been a mighty good day.

    Love to you all!
  16. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Hooray! I'm so glad to hear that your concert went so well - I read all about the music on 'The Porchlight' on chat. It's an important thing to bring music into children's lives.

    Rest up well,
  17. teacher

    teacher New Member

    I'm cancer free!
  18. Denamay

    Denamay New Member

    Teacher, that is the very best news!

    What a relief for you and your family and friends.

    School is soon over and I wish for you a summer full of joy and blessings.

    I am so happy for you.

    Love and best wishes, Denamay
  19. soulight

    soulight New Member

    What wonderful news ! Congratulations ! You deserve some great news like this after all that you have endured this year from what I have read.

    God Bless You and I will keep praying that you stay cancer free.

    In His Grace,
  20. Doznclan3

    Doznclan3 New Member

    still happen today!
    So happy for you!!
    Love, Cynthia