A Thank You for Help with Toxic SIL Nightmare...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by elastigirl, Feb 11, 2006.

  1. elastigirl

    elastigirl New Member

    I've thought long and hard about how to word this thank you... but I can't come up with anything stellar, so please bear with me :)...

    A lot of members gave me helpful advice when it came to my toxic SIL who was expecting more and more (and more!) out of me everyday... while giving very little friendship in return.

    She apparently has leaked some things to my mother since her surgery (which was successful, BTW)...

    ... she told my mother she made me a BIG job offer (Not true! she made a very snide, off-hand remark in passing that she knew where I could make $250 -- working for her -- basically cleaning toilets and the like -- but I don't consider a snide remark a 'job offer.')

    ... she told my mother she wrote a long letter of apology to me. Not so! She did write a hand-written note on a few pages of very small paper that started out nicely ...

    ... that ended with a a big clunk. At the end, she put how she got over the fact that I could not drive her to a dentist's appointment (due to my decades-long driving panic attacks that I must be -- what? -- faking to inconvenience her.) Although she didn't state it directly, she implied that she had "forgiven me." The gall!

    ... there was absolutely NO apology in the letter. She did say she valued me like a sister -- well, I've seen the way she treats her sisters. Scary sentiment, actually. (Although she is good friends with her sisters, they are servants, too.)

    Yes, she is still using my mother whenever my mother will let her. But my mother and I had long talks in preparation. I made it clear to my mother that I wanted to alert me immediately if my SIL was pushing her too hard. (I cannot control my mom's desire to help her, but I don't want my SIL to endanger her health if I can prevent it.)

    And is it turns out, my mother did call me a couple times during her stay with my SIL, so I was able to help my mother through by getting her away from the situation for long breaks, which made me feel really good and useful (for a change!)

    I have also had a he**-ish winter with long bouts of illness, flares, my son's illnesses, my cat's illnesses, etc., etc.

    I honestly believe I would have had a nervous breakdown trying to be her friend a/k/a servant through the past couple of months, if not evaen a complete failure of health that would've landed me in the hospital. (Went to the ER/doctors often enough as is!)

    So you can see, I have not exactly regretted my decision to cut off communications with my toxic SIL.

    So I DOUBLY want to thank everyone who helped me reach a wise decision regarding the toxic SIL. (And don't worry, she's doing fine -- she's started working her jobs mid-January despite knee surgery.)

    Though I'm struggling to reach out to the three new women who would like to be friends with me (poor health prevents me from being as pro-active as I'd like to be,) I'm in such a happier place without her -- even if it does mean one less 'friend.'

    So thank you for all your help :)! It was really worth it for you to take the time to help. It really made a difference in my life. I'm able to stand up to toxic people much better now, too.

    The people on this board are wonderful :)![This Message was Edited on 02/11/2006]
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    and if anyones tells you otherwise to heck with them...

    you are doing a great job w/your sona nd your yourself...good for you...

    i go trid of ex-bf's mother back in novemeber...feels better to not have her calling and telling me about her alcoholic son that is almost 44 yrs. and still living at home w/her...

    and the comments about my fibro...and if it were her she would have killed herself by now...anyways i dont think about it like i used to and i don't miss that part of my life...


    jodie