A woman's Problem

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by rockgor, Jan 23, 2009.

  1. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Actually, I'm the one with the problem. But if I asked a typical man for his opinion, he
    would undoubtedly say, "I dunno. You got any beer."

    Whereas the typical woman would be willing, even eager, to discuss it endlessly with her
    best friend, her sister, her hairdresser, her ...well, you get the idea.

    And here's the problem.

    Half a century ago, when I was a teenager, I lived in a village. There was a big Catholic family
    with many kids. The kids were smart and friendly and good looking. One was a year behind
    me in school. I dated her once.

    Her older sister was a year ahead of me. She was the valedictorian of her class. Very smart,
    obviously, and lots of fun. I was stunned when she told me she was going to become a nun.

    Sometime later, 30 years maybe, I got a letter from her. After several years in the nunnery, she
    left. She was now married to a professor, had adult children, and taught at a
    college herself somewhere in New York.

    Well, I was delighted to her from her. We corresponded for a few months. She then told me
    my letters were too frivolous and she was no longer interested in corresponding with me.

    Now, another 20 or years later, I get a postcard from her. She went back to our village for a
    visit. "Found myself wondering about you. Write?"

    So here's the question:

    Do I write?
    Do I ignore her?
    Do I tell her to go jump in Lake Placid?

    What do you think? Keep in mind my personality is just as frivolous, silly and goofy as ever.

    Sleepless in Los Angeles


    BILLCAMO New Member

    Mail her a frivolous , silly , & goofy post card! Then take a nap ! :>) (IMHO).

    Blessings ,

  3. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    I really did think it was going to be a math puzzle.

    You know the kind...so you're writing about half a century ago you were a teenager...and I'm thinking...half century, fifty, plus teenager, could be another 13 to 19...big family...person a year behind, another a year ahead (plus one, minus one)...

    Then it turned out to be real!

    I really need to stop watching so much television!

    So here's a REAL answer (I'm not so great at those math/logic-type problems anyway)...

    Or maybe not an answer, but something to help you find your own answers.

    You said that the first time she contacted you that you were delighted.

    How did you feel this second time? And how did you feel when she decided that first time to suspend correspondence?

    I suspect by your three questions that you are curious, but you would be somewhat reserved in trusting her again with your gift of self.

    It's possible that she is just a curious person. She was back in old haunts, and wondered about you. It's possible that once she finds out what you're doing, she won't be curious anymore. So maybe the first step would be (if you answer) to just answer the initial portion of her implied question -- the basic fact exchange of the who/what/where of your life situation. The social acquaintance version, not the best friend version. End with, "...and you?" And let her decide whether she is invested enough in the exchange to peel away another layer.

    I find that it takes a lot of energy to keep up an uneven relationship of any type. Energy that I can spent a lot better on the people who love me for who I am.

    In other words, keep it light (or as frivolous!) as you like! After all, the only thing she did was write two extremely short sentences. I get longer than that in my Christmas cards!

    [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2009]
  4. springwater

    springwater Active Member

    O Rock..oh Cate..that was priceless...wondering if a hitherto unknown offspring was going to be revealed...oh my! that was so funnee...and it happens so often in Bollywood movies. Oh dear, i think i got my quota of laughter for the day, thanks to dear Cate.

    As for myself, the title had me thinking - biological stuff..and how in the world was Rock mixed up in it.

    Rock...first, its a lovely little story...spanning half a century..rather like a novel..enjoyed reading it. I was picturing your date scenario..very propah, you with slicked back hair, on best behaviour, she with a long skirt, pretty blouse, stockings, maybe a ribbon in her hair, demure.

    People are always on a quest to find out about themselves...she obviously was..and thought she knew what she wanted to do when she became a nun. People also learn along the way and keep evolving and adapting and obviously she found she wanted something else later on..and had the courage to leave and begin anew. She does seem a little too opinionated. You do not correspond with someone for a while and then tell them outright their letters are too frivolous. And pls stop writing. You let the correspondence peter off as in most cases they do. Begging lack of time or something. And now she has gone back to her old home, nostalgia set in and she wants you to 'write'?

    You dont seem averse to writing to her. I know men dont take a perceived slight as seriously as another woman would. Maybe because women are more emotional. I think you could write if you were curious about her now but you should remind her of what she said back then and ask her what made her change her mind. That sends out a message...that you remember what she did back then...but that you are open to corresponding and willing not to hold it against her.
    In my opinion, she ought to have referred it to herself and apologized when she wrote.

    I for one would have considered it very inconsiderate of someone if they asked me to stop wriiting because my letters were 'too frivolous'!. Good lord. Isnt life serious enough? Dont we all need to let in some lightness, humour and laughter into our lives? And your writing is all that. I wonder what all her other correspondees are like? Serious, dark, boring as heck. No wonder she wrote to you. Probably missing the 'frivolity'. Haha.

    God Bless

  5. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I totally agree with Springwater. Why ignore the elephant in the room and write the obvious. You don't understand after her previous response which was rude, so find out why she did that before and writes you now. You're a diplomat, you can write without referring to her as a skunk.
  6. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Seemingly she was not interested in how it would make you feel to suddenly cut off your months of correspondence ,,,,why would you bother to give her the time of day now 20 years later??,,,,,That is of course unless you want to return a rude,,(or funny) postcard,,,,just mho!,,,,,,Sis,,,,,Goodluck!
  7. mysticbrit

    mysticbrit New Member

    Do I tell her to go jump in Lake Placid? -

    Sharing geography doesn't a great friendship make.

    Someone else already pointed out that being told I was too frivolous would wound me horribly. What the heck is wrong with frivolous???? I love frivolous.

    You're a sweet spirit Rock and we all adore you so I don't want you to get your feelings hurt again.

    BTW - isn't Lake Placid kind of a far "jump" from your former homeland????

  8. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    another chance. People change, their ideas and thoughts change. You may be really surprised.
  9. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Well, you know how it is when you have Alzheimer's. You don't? Well, I hope you never do.
    Anyhoo, here's another aspic, I mean aspect to consider. Should have thought of it earlier.

    The postcard was addressed to me at my old address from 20 years ago. But I moved six years ago.
    It was fortuitous that the card reached me since the forwarding info at the post office expired years ago.

    If she were really interested in my well-being, or the prospect of a meaningful correspondence,
    wouldn't she have asked some folks in the home village for my current address? Hmmm?

    Isn't it amazing the different ways people respond to this, that and the other thing?

    A math puzzle?! A child of passion?!

    And the answer is, Susan Lucci!

    Individual responses to follow when my brain is clearer or the computer less
    insegrievious. Whichever happens first.

  10. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    Send her a frivolous letter (if you want to) and just be your silly self. Could be a nice correspondence.

  11. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    tell her to go jump in Lake Placid.

    You've obviously featured largely in this woman's reminiscenes and she was disappointed when you were writing that you weren't the person she thought you were.

    How cold to tell someone their letters are frivolous and that they dont want to correspond anymore - has her years as a nun made her judge and jury?

    Now she is giving you another chance? For what - to pretend you're someone you're not.

    No I go by my first instinct - tell her to go jump - unless you are curious as to what she will write to you.

    Frankly if it was me, getting older, getting sicker - I would say 'I dont need this'.

    Let us all know what you decide. By the way Rock, I would find it a privilege to correspond with you.


  12. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    She may have Alzheimer's and remembers only the good times and not her rudeness. Your response now might just make this woman's day. I'm a woman and it could have been her husband that didn't like her writing to you and insisted she be so rude back then. I'd take the chance now and you're such a gentleman that I think you'll do it.
  13. SnooZQ

    SnooZQ New Member

    For many of us, there are few contacts left from the good old days of childhood. Whether or not that is true for you, Rock, I cannot say.

    In general I have found my life is more enriched by connections than it is by avoidance. However, there are times I do avoid people -- it sometimes is a matter of the balance between the pros & the cons of the relationship. Something which only you can judge.

    Having said that, a better person than I would look for the good, only.

    One could say, if she truly cared, she might have pursued your current address.

    On the other hand, that the fact that the note did get to you, despite obstacles, could be due to: a) fate b) divine intervention c) pure serendipity.

    I'd be tempted to respond, if only out of curiosity. Retreat is always a future option. But then again, I don't know how painful your past ordeal with her was. Might depend on whether the anticipated potential hassle factor is closer to a one or a ten.

    Will you let us know what you decide, or keep us dangling?

    [This Message was Edited on 01/25/2009]
  14. Denamay

    Denamay New Member

    Maybe she wants to take up a old habit. Nun habit, get it?
    Love you too, Denamay
  15. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    Not to be frivolous about your dilemma, but it certainly is a "Susan Lucci" moment.

    I think you have to consider all the facts and then go with your gut feelings.

    She was such a silly/insecure woman to write you, only to stop. Bad girl.

    But maybe she feels differently. Maybe the "nunnery" aspect of her personality is waning.

    I would write her a short letter, opening the door, with the thought in mind that this may not work out in the long run.

    Be yourself and if she does not like funny, irreverent, people, well that is her bad.

    Maybe, she just wants a beer!!

    I love reading your posts.

    Take care.

    ETA Whatever you do, do not plan to meet her at a certain place at a certain time if either of you are still interesed in corresponding. I don't think it worked out in the movies plus I hear there is a run of these things happening at the Empire State Building, and you might end up with the wrong woman.

    Just pondering.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/25/2009]
  16. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I think she had a crush on you, that's why she wrote after becoming an ex-nun.

    And in your frivolous way, you never made a move on her, so she gave up and wrote you off.

    But now she's gone back down memory lane, and want's to give it one more shot. :0)

    Does she know you have a happy relationship with who you do??
    Either she doesn't know, she's in denial, or she's hoping to change/ rescue you!
    You know us women, we love rescuing men.

    Okay, maybe i'm way off base, but it's what i read 'between the lines'.
    She has some kind of memory, or old crush that keeps her coming back. Or it's something with her sister?? Maybe she's highly competive, and if you dated the sister.... Sister stuff can get complicated! LOL
    I know being the youngest, i purposely chased some of the guys, my sister liked, when i got older. I got a date once with a guy she had a crush on in high school.
    Boy that pissed her off!! (not seriously pissed off, just goofing around, she was married by then) But she always did everything better than me, and it was some silly way to "prove" myself.

    Okay, I know your probably rolling your eyes at me! LOL It has been awfully cold in MN and i probably got brain freeze!!

    Obviously we appreciate you more than she does! And know the value of a good laugh on a bad day.
  17. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I personally think you're a wonderful, funny, bright and sensitive human being and if she didn't see it, let it go......

    Why waste time on people who are judgmental (yet have no right to be) and open yourself up to more of the same.

    Hurt me once....shame on you. Hurt me twice???


  18. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Computer is on the warpath today. Acts like it's not online, but the modem has no red light
    blinking. Darn thing probably needs a good kick right in its ROMP. I prepared a post of
    substantial length, if not real substance. A long post right now, however, would be non-
    feasible unless you are in the colder parts of the world in which case it would be highly freezable.

    So I will have to postpone it.

    In the meantime, you have all given me so much wonderful advice, I have decided to do
    as Yogi Berra suggested about the fork in the road: Take it!

    By the way, when I told Gordon about my post he said, "Women are much nicer than men.
    Most of them will say: write to her."

    So he was right. On both counts.

    Speaking of high school, I was graduated in 1958. 25 years later I took my 13 year old son
    to visit my old school. The class picture was still hanging in the hall way: portraits of all 44 of us;
    38 still living.

    My son kept looking at the picture and then looking at me. Finally he asked, "Is that
    really you."

    The school is still there, and the class pictures from 80-some years still hang in the hallways.
    As Thomas Wolff observed, in some ways You Can't Go Home. And as our class pictures
    evidence, in some ways you can't leave.