A WOMAN'S VERSION ::: The Night Before Christmas

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Dec 5, 2007.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    LOL, this is exactly WHY I dropped out of trying to be
    the "hostess with the mostest"....

    A Woman's Version


    The Night Before Christmas

    T’was the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen,
    I was cooking and baking and moanin and b*tchin':
    "I've been here for hours, I CAN'T stop to rest!
    This room's a disaster, just LOOK at this mess!"

    "Tomorrow I've got 30 people to feed!
    They expect all the trimmings; who cares what I need!
    My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs,
    And the cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs!"

    There's a knock at the door while the telephone's ringing,
    frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
    Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done--
    my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

    I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore!
    Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
    He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady,
    then grins as he chuckles, "The eggnog is ready!"
    He looks all around and with disbelief in his voice, says,
    "What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?"

    As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
    He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
    He flees from the room in terror and pain
    and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"

    Now WHAT was I doing? - and what IS that smell?
    Oh darn, it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
    I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
    but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.

    What ELSE can go wrong? Is there STILL more ahead?
    If THIS is good living, I'd rather be dead.
    Lord, don't get me wrong, I love the holidays;
    But it just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed!

    But I promise You one thing: if I live 'til next year,
    You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
    I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
    and if THAT doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!

    [This Message was Edited on 12/05/2007]
  2. ckball

    ckball New Member

    and that is why I love living alone,hehe I don't miss those days-very good- I may have to copy this one :) Carla
  3. painterZ

    painterZ New Member

    My family stopped assigning dinners to me when they tasted my food. Now we all go to my cousins who DOES have her parties catered.

    painterZ :)
  4. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I'd love to go over to someone else's for every holiday LOLOL and supply the wine or bakery-bought dessert hehe... what a wonderful thing!

  5. Pottersclay

    Pottersclay New Member

    I wanted to have Christmas at my house. I have to let my sister-in-law do it again. I am not going to be able to get my work done from remodeling before the holidays to be able to host.