About everyone's finances...............

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by doxygirl, Jul 5, 2007.

  1. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I need some feedback here!

    My husband and I have been married for 22 years this month.....and my husband works in construction.....some people just don't understand why we have continued off and on to have financial problems through the years....

    although my husband makes fairly good money....we spend a LOT of money for gas since my husband has to commute and 99% of the time his jobs sites are far from home............

    on top of that they take off for every single holiday, plus extra days on top of the holidays.....all of which we are NOT paid for..........

    Some years have been better than others but most years if it rains my husband loses a lot of income days that the job sites are wet and it is unsafe to work........

    We have two of our sons living with us and spend a small fortune for groceries, doing countless loads of laundry, , electric, gas, trash, car ins prescriptions, and the list goes on..............

    Iam not working at the present time......and I just don't see how we can keep afloat...with only one income....

    I have cut out all extras including, cable tv pkg, cell phones, use coupons and shop for grocery sale items with a list from menus......we rarely go anywhere but maybe a sunday matinee occasionally.....

    Iam tired of worrying and wonder if this is widespread or is is just that Iam not doing enough to cut out all extras at all...........

    I can't see living only to pay bills, never being able to save, and never being able to do anything at all....

    Are most of you here in the same boat?.....because to be honest........................

    Iam sick of my life and living in the red!

    I see no way out of this..............and I know for sure my husband is worn .......and can't keep up physically anymore,

    Open to suggestions

    [This Message was Edited on 07/05/2007]
  2. rachel432

    rachel432 New Member

    my husband works he is a musician, recording engineer and he has a part time job at a wharehouse. i'm able to still work but can only tolerate 4 shifts a week. we are always in debt. with inflation, gas prices, car repairs (we just had a trasmission go on my car) and all my medical expenses we make just enough to get by. we are in our 30's and have no children and everyone keeps telling us "you should buy a house, it's a great investment. your throwing your money away by renting" i'm enbarrassed to say we just can't but a house. our credit is trashed thanks to the medical bills, and we have no savings.

    people just don't understand how you can have 2 people working and still not afford to buy a house or have cars that aren't 7 & 12 yrs old. we do the best we can, but we are really struggling and have been for a long time now. Do you realize that just for my prescription copays every month it's $230, and i have insurance. i have even opted not to continue with mri's evry 6 months to monitor a "unidentifiable bright spot" is my brain because i don;t think i want to know when it grows (it's not in a spot where it canbe removed) and after the insurance paid it was over $400 that we had to pay.

    all i keep thinking and hoping is someday it has to get better.

  3. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    and I dont think you eouldnt be doing enough to make ends meet.....

    I think most of us have that problem, cost of medicine/supplements, in ?australia we aare somewhat lucky to have a pretty good health system so i have been able to access mostly what I need without too much of an extra cost

    However I have had to retire early and we have two adult kids still living with us who cost more that give towards their living expenses...

    I think its the norm so dont be too distressed, I cant give you anymore than that as Iam just too tired to go on anymore

    Hang in there and giving you heaps of hugs

  4. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    here too its getting that way....

    He can only do what he can and as long as you show him your appreciation and concern that will be enough for him to keep going

    Life is rough me darlin and I wish I had a magic wand

  5. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    my husband always comes home and tells me that he does not know "anybody" that is broke like us or that has bad credit.......

    Iam sick of trying to explain to him ....and then I start to believe him ....and start feeling like I must be doing something wrong?

    Thanks for trying to help
  6. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Just wondering if you have looked into Bankruptcy? I think they let you keep your home,,,and one Vehichle,,,,Just an idea,,,,,,S
  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    in which we live. My son worked for a mortgage company. He said young couples came in to refianace their home and routinely had several thousand dollars in crdit card bills. And those things chage 20% interest!

    An article in the Christian Science Monitor three years ago said the average credit card debt for Americans was $9,000 per family.

    When I was a kid most moms were "housewives". Sometimes I heard grownups talking. "You know she works too. They must have scads of money."

    Nowdays it takes two salaries, there is no one home w/ the kids, and if one partner loses a job, it's hard to pay the mortgage.

    I have tapes of old radio programs, some from WWII. There are public service announcements telling people not to buy more than their share. "You don't want to cause inflation." Nowdays we are told it's good for the economy if we spend.

    Good for whom? The CEOs who make salaries unheard of 30 years ago? And then they retire and are handed more millions. Sometimes from companies that aren't even doing well.

    At the office where I worked an awful lot of gals reported going to mall every weekend. In effect, looking for ways to spend money. Well, if you look, you'll find it.

    Not saying anybody here does that, but it's the climate we live in. Apparently many Americans will pay almost anything for a pair of jean if they have a designer's name on a back pocket. Is there any sense to the prices at Starbucks? Would movie theaters reduce their prices if people stayed home more often?

    The govt. sets a bad example. Can any country recover from a ten trillion dollar debt? And the news is full of craziness. Another painting sold for 37 million dollars. A baseball or a special cheese sandwich or something that belonged to a celebrity goes for big bucks.

    And all day long ads telling us we Need a new this or that. And note the hidden messages in the ads. She's beautiful; this couple is happy; what a beautiful home. Just buy our brand of whatever and these things will happen for you.

    These are fairy tales, but there is no warning "once upon a time".

    I suspect most of us here are already doing our best,(thrift stores, old cars, fewer luxury cruises) so I have no specific tips. Sad to say, money trouble seems to be part of the chronic illness package.


    Note: "fewer luxury cruises" is a joke. I am about as likely to go on a crusie as I am to take Tom Cruise to lunch.

    "Oh Waiter, we'll have the Depression Era special please. One order and two plates."

  8. puppyluvx3

    puppyluvx3 New Member

    I posted something similar, desperately trying to get some advice on what we can do for extra money.

    I am single, rent and I too am in serious debt. I have not worked in four years and I get very embarrassed by my situation - never expected this in my 40's!! My parents (whom are retired) have helped keep me stay afloat and I have serious guilt over that! They can't afford to keep me going for much longer. It's something that we can't even disgust, because I just get too freaked out by my situation!

    For awhile I was able to bring a few extra bucks in by selling this and that on Ebay (some of you may want to try that). But since January, when I seriously crashed, I have not even had the mental state to do that. So what can we do?? I just find it hard to believe that there can be no options for us! I know I can't commit to anything - sometimes there are days I can't even turn on the computer - but is there anything that we can do just whenever we are up for it and earn that way??

    Well, if anyone has any suggestions...please post!! I am desperate, along with others, I am sure!
  9. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    The way you describe is the way of life. I believe everyone struggles to pay bills and stay ahead of them and that sometimes “shit happens” and people get behind. I don’t see it as any different from any other time in history.

    We don’t come into the world with any guarantees of happiness and in the US are guaranteed only of the pursuit thereof. Life is a struggle, I repeat, life is a struggle. We have to look beyond and see the lessons (if you believe in a higher power) to make sense of it all.

    One thing that is happening is the world is bulging with people and we are starting to feel it. The economy is becoming global. For a while the US was mostly “isolated” from the groans of the third world. We are now accommodating more of the poorer and as a result, our standard of living is bound to go towards the lowest common denominator. It’s the way of the world; the US will most likely go socialistic to accommodate growing needs of the people.

    Just my thoughts on the topic. L, Jeannette
  10. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Why are you doing your sons' laundry?
    Why are you taking out the trash?
    Why aren't the two sons financially contributing to the family?
    How old are these two sons?

  11. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I know you are just thinking of me .......but I do want to answer your questions............

    first of all one of my sons has autism so he will live with my husband and I until we are no longer here..........I cannot get money for taking care of him since he can shower and dress himself.......isn't that crazy? but that is the way it is so I have to do it!

    My youngest son's in financial hard times......he does pitch in 25.00 a week but honestly he cannot afford more than that right now...........plus we want him to save so he can move out..............he does have a good attitude and would give us more if he could and we know that!

    my boys do help with the laundry it is just that there is so many loads and it costs a lot of money to do so much laundry.........

    my husband does take out the trash......when I mentioned some of these things I was referring to the cost of them...............

    in fact my husband works over 48 hours a week ( construction which is physically hard work ) and drives over 24 hours commuting.......he is EXHAUSTED....but still comes home and cleans up the dinner dishes, and mops the floors on the weekends!

    I don't mean to sound like I get no help .....it is the finances Iam distraught about ;)

    thank you so much for thinking of me....it's not that no one helps me....it is just that for every person living in a house costs a lot of money!

  12. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    I believe its partly the times too, just go and look around a bit more and you will find heaps of people in the same boat

    It is so difficult and the times so unsettling no matter what the governments are saying!

    her in Australia we keep being told that too but there is little in the media about people losing their houses as interest rates creep up and when people lose their jobs then what?????

    My son was in a job, casual as permanent is almost impossible to get so therefore no borrowing money for a car or house

    He did borrow money for a good car one he couldnt afford really, he lost his job, then his car and is now paying for it but hasnt go a car..... he is 28

    Casual emplouyemnt they put you off when there is not enough work, too hot, too wet, too cold, not enough work and the list goes on

    hang in there and do the best you can and know you are not ALONE

    angel hugs to you all
  13. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I think what gets to me the most is that we do have an income..."ok" I lost my job so we no longer have two incomes....but my husband does work and he does make fairly good money ......................

    I had hoped and planned that when we got to this stage of our life that things would be somewhat normal...........

    My thoughts are that people in their fifties should have a nice portfolio, money in the bank, and excellent credit...no to mention a nice upgraded home.......

    Iam not intending to sound like I do not appreciate my home ( that is in foreclosure so may not be mine much longer )I just wonder now if this will even end.........

    I see no end to this................with the things going on with the economy and SO many people requiring government aide to live ....I just don't see how it can change things only seem to decline.........

    I feel like when you work and have a fairly good income and can't make it then that is BAD!

    Thanks again to all of you who have responded here to me ;)
  14. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Thank you for taking the time to explain. I didn't know there were special circumstances. I was envisioning two healthy teenagers sitting on their butts and letting you do all the work.
  15. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    I was just thinking ... does you son who has autism receive any SSA? He should qualify I would think and that would help the household some.

    One of my grown children have a mental health disorder, so I can understand your circumstance there. I'm his representative payee for his SSA. He lives independently in a separate household however. At times, his SSA doesn't cover everything and I kick in. Sure can hurt a budget to have these types of expenses, I know.

    Honestly, I don't know what my husband and I would do if I couldn't work right now. I'm worried about when we both stop working next year as there isn't much "slack" there. I've been so use to living sparsely over my years that I've grown accustom to doing it, some of the things you mention you do we do as well.

    I think living on less is a skill that has to be developed in this world to continue on. I worry about the next generation who have to own three cars and own 3500 sq feet homes!

    Hugs to you Doxy, Jeannette
  16. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    I have been in the same house for 33 years and would dearly have upgraded etc but am making myself happy with the fact the house is paid for and its ours.....

    Iam sad you are losing your home and hope that a miracle may happen and you are able to keep it.....

    The economy there and here are prob not much different, its good for the rich but not for the middle working classs people

    I can see my kids working ridiculas hours and not getting enough to get a hous and pay if off let alone food and other expenses

    Take care doxy life is sad for many

    angel hugs

  17. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I see that you already have made a start in cutting costs but I'm willing to bet there are more things that you could do.

    Get those kids involved! Are they old enough to work and if so, do they? Do they have cars? If so, are they responsible for the gas and maintenace? If they're over 18 they should be paying something in rent or at least contributing to the grocery costs. And if 99% of your husband's jobs are far from home, maybe you need to move closer to the general area where he most often works. Lose the blinders and get very real here.

    No doubt about it, things are tight for folks right now but we can almost always tighten our belts more if we work together.

    You may hate me by now but if something I've said gets you out of the dumps and into Action Mode it's almost worth it....... :>/


    [This Message was Edited on 07/08/2007]
  18. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I appreciate every single one of them!

    Marta, I don't hate anyone!:) Iam smart enough to know that everything you are saying to me is "your words of wisdom" and you are saying them to try to help me.

    The things you say make sense but I must be honest ...first of all I guess you missed the post I made about my son ( 20 years old ) lives with us .....in a nut shell we take care of him ....as he has autism....we will be responsible for him for the rest of our lives.......

    secondly my youngest son does work...........he works over 40 hours a week...and does give us 25.00 a week..........we want him to save his money so he can move out..........he too is having problems but I do know that he will be out as soon as he can afford it......

    about moving................our home is in foreclosure so that equals BAD CREDIT I don't know anywhere closer to my husbands jobs that would save us money in fact most apts are more than our home payment is...........and NO ONE wants to rent to someone with BAD CREDIT!

    So we are between a rock and a hard place........

    Also I do not have a problem at all handling money....I know all the ways to cut corners and we do not have ANY credit cards or auto loans................



    It is NOT because I am bad with the finances or cannot stay on a budget................Had she paid her workers comp ins premium like the law demands she do..........my home would NOT be in foreclosure right now PERIOD!

    So, although I do not take offense to your telling me I should get off the pity pot ;) I do not think Iam on one!

    I am trying as hard as I can to do the best I can with a situation that I have NO control over...........

    I do know that if I went back to work that it would solve all of our problems in a heartbeat..............unfortunately Iam much too sick at this point to work..........and that is another can of worms because I don't have enough credits in the last five years to qualify for SS permanently.........

    And besides that Iam a hard worker ..............always have been..............always will.............I want to go back to school so I can at least work from home...but being so sick these things take time..........

    thank you for being honest to me.......I always appreciate a person who is honest................and I will examine the things you have mentioned .........for there is always room for improvement in ones life...........

    Hugs and thanks again
  19. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Dear Doxy, No way did I intend to say that you're bad with finances or that you're not a hard worker. I suspect that one reason many of us are sick is because we're such hard workers. And no, I didn't know about your son with autism. My heart goes out to you and to him. (Have you read about treatment for autism that is also being tried for CFS?)

    What I was trying to do was to light a spark under you to burn off the depression. ;>) I believe that those of us who are as sick as we are need to get a bit of anger under our belts, the kind that makes us dig our heels in and say I will NOT give in to this! It's tricky, that anger thing, because anger can easily turn inward and that means depression. Sometimes we all need a little loving push.

    I've sensed from your posts that you're an exceptional woman with an exceptional husband who need a huge pat on their backs - but who are being overwhelmed with discouragement.

    With this illness, it's rarely if ever easy. Today I sit here - dressed! - trying to decide if I can drive to Home Depot for a badly needed purchase OR the grocery store for food. Home Depot is hot inside so that's difficult even if I could park close to the store, but the grocery store, while cooler, means walking farther. My point is that even when we scrape together the money, the decisions are still tough.

    I send you and your family tons of hugs. I can't tell you how I know you'll be OK but I do. Probably because there's all that love in there.

    I'm cheering for you.

    [This Message was Edited on 07/09/2007]
  20. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    I know what it's like to be hanging on by your fingernails waiting for the disaster that feels like the mother of all disasters.

    As I lost what I lost through this (my house, my career, my credit rating...) I found that, on the other side of many of these losses, was relief. Yes, I'd like it all back but nothing was worse than that awful time of waiting for the axe to fall. After it fell and I discovered my head was still attached, such as it is, things improved.

    I tried, as much as I could - too late in some cases, to have a controlled loss = change. We feel so panic stricken when we feel out of control and the thoughts just race along as the weeks pass frighteningly quickly as we just try to get through each terrifying day.

    I have read your posts thoroughly but my memory is... well, you know what it is.

    You've probably already tried to make an arrangement with your bank as someone else suggested. It's a very good suggestion. It must be so overwhelming to sort through all the good advice you have gotten here about whom you can turn to for help and advice.

    Do you have a friend who could just come over and help you prioritize your options? Sometimes I just need someone to sit with me while I figure out a plan of action. They don't have to say anything or come up with any solutions... they just have to help me organize my options and, sometimes, sit there providing quiet support while I make the necessary phone calls. I don't know why, but it helps so much to have someone there while I do what seems impossible when I'm alone.

    You have also been shouldering so much of this alone in order to attempt to protect your family. They may not want to be protected from the truth while you are in jeopardy. Maybe a family meeting would be helpful so that everyone knows precisely what's going on. You can't pull together if you are the only one who knows the scope of the problem. And, it's not your fault although I fear you think it is.

    I wish I had the magic answer for you but I don't. I can well imagine how difficult it would be to face pulling up stakes with a son with Autism and a serious illness of your own.

    I just sat and stared at the screen for a very long time. I really don't have any magic answers, I looked long and hard.

    I would suggest you not try to do this alone no matter how guilty you feel about being ill. It's not your fault and it won't help.

    I'm so sorry that you're going through this but you have been through worse and you have survived. You will get through this, too.

    Peace to you,