about Mikie's don't let loved ones run your life

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Sep 18, 2003.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    My daughters are very hard on me about all the pain meds that I take and when I camehome from the doctors to day and showed them what the dx was like facet syndrome lumbar/thoracic radiculitis Myofascitis and Spinal stenosis all I got when I said that there is not a surgical way to fix these condtitions was " What more pain mads? Mom you really do take too many pain meds " I told her that this is my life and I am doing what is best for me and the problems that I have but being 21 and gifted with the "I know EVERYTHING SYNDROME" DON'T tell me what that is and about your meds I am sick of it . She well all three of them have the attitude that if I just lost weight got more exercise and ate better I would not ever need pain meds again. What I say means nothing to them and like I said the ones that live with me are 21 and18 I can't just kick them out until they believe in what I have to say. They have their dad who has told them that I am faking these illnesses to beable to stay at home sleep all day and not get a job so that when our divorce it finilized HE would have to pay so much in alimony. And then he got pissed off the other night and informed me that I am stupid to think that I can play the I am sympathy card Oh pity me I am sick and can't work I am getting tot he point that I am glad that he doen't livce here anymore and I hope that he gets on with this divorce . HE has to file of I run the chance of not being able to get the support finanically that I will need. So tell me how to I get thru to the girls that live at home with me? Rosemarie
  2. Dara

    Dara New Member

    I've always said they're my best critics. I knew if there was anything wrong with the way I looked or acted I wouldn't have to worry about not knowing, they'd be the first to tell me. Mothers and daughters can sometimes be a real challenge. As far as their opinion of your pain meds go, I really don't think you should let it bother you. It's your pain, you're the one who suffers without the medication and it's really none of their business. Have any of them ever gone to the doctors appointments with you? Do they realize that they could possibly also get FM and might someday be walking in your shoes??

    There really isn't much you can do to change their way of thinking. If you've already explained to them how much pain you're in and if they know anything about FM then there's not too much more that you can do. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but just try to ignore it. In fact, maybe try not telling them anything about the medications, the pain, or what the doctors say.

    Do you have a FM support group that you can go to for emotional support? I go to one and it does help. You know that everyone there really understands what we go through on a daily basis.

    Good luck to you. When the daughters get older and more mature they will probably be more understanding. I know that now that mine are adults they have a completely different attitude. They even offer to come and clean my house for me. Something I would never have thought of at one time.

    Dara
  3. Skylar

    Skylar New Member

    Maybe create a way for them to walk in your shoes for a day. 09/19/03 12:05 AM

    I once saw a presentation given by a person with osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis. Her purpose was to educate us on what it is like to live in her shoes. She described how painful the joints were in her feet and how painful it was to walk. She handed each of us a packet of rocks and pebbles. Some were very large and sharp. We were instructed to put these rocks in our shoes and had to conduct a normal day without taking the stones out. We also had to wrap rubber bands around our fingers to restrict the range of motion and mobility. We were required to write a letter, type on a keyboard, and to eat our lunch with these restrictions. Maybe you could create something similar to this that represents your pain and limitations. It was very eye opening for me.

    My point is that unfortunately some people just don't get it until they are in your shoes. Until then, it is a tough battle. Another poster suggested taking them to your doctor's appointment so that they hear it from the doctor. Sometimes kids at that age are selfish, immortal, and only see how it makes their life more difficult. I know that it is frustrating beyond belief when your own flesh and blood does not believe you. Believe in yourself and do what you need to do to take care of yourself. There can be so much wasted energy spent trying to get some people to get it. Get yourself some support with a counselor, psychologist, support group, here online, etc. Your pain is real and you need to bank your energy reserves. You are doing a great job. Just get some help from someone or someplace that can support you. Otherwise, the frustration causes the pain you feel to go through the roof. It's already hard enough dealing with the pain that you feel. Sending hugs to you.
  4. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Go yourself and then see if your daughters will join you. It will help you. When your daughters try telling you you are taking too many pain killers, just thank them for their concern. Do not react to it; do not defend yourself. Just say, "Thank you for your concern." Then, proceed to another subject. It's not easy to do, but you will eventually do it automatically and the girls will eventually give up when they see that they are not getting to you.

    I am so sorry that you are having to go through all this right now, especially when it seems that there is no one who understands. We do here and you are among friends. I am sending up a little prayer for you that you get through this well. It isn't easy, but eliminating one source of stress from your life will be a blessing.

    Love, Mikie
  5. LADYBUG2

    LADYBUG2 New Member

    JUST AN IDEA,!!! IF YOU WILL TYPE IN THE MESSAGE SEARCH BOX
    HERE,,, MY FAMILY DOESN'T UNDERSTAND

    IF YOU HAVEN'T READ IT, YET. I ASKED THE MEMBERS TO REPLY TO IT,IF THEY FELT UP TO IT, AS,,,,,

    I WANTED TO "PRINT" IT, AND TO SHOW MY FAMILY MEMEBERS A PACKET OF SEVERAL POST FROM ALL THE CAREING MEMBERS HERE , WHO UNDERSTAND US.

    SOME TIMES, IT TAKES , "HEARING FROM OTHERS LIKE US"
    FOR SOME OF OUR FAMILY TO UNDERSTAND. SOME OF THE OTHER MEMBERS HERE,, ALSO PRINTED IT FOR SOME MEMBERS OF THEIR FAMILYS TO READ.

    MY DAUGHTERS , LIKE YOURS, FELT I TOOK TOO MUCH PAIN MEDICATION, & JUST TO MUCH MEDICATION,,,,,,PERIOD.

    I WAS SO, GREATFULL, AS THERE WAS ABOUT 48 MEMBERS WHO REPLYED. AND I KNOW SOME OF THEM WERE HAVEING A BAD DAY.
    THIS IS SUCH A CAREING GROUP, AND SHOW ,SO MUCH SUPPORT FOR EACH OTHER, THIS PLACE IS A "BLESSING" FOR MANY OF US.

    MY DAUGHTERS DID READ THE "PACKETS THAT I PUT TOGETHER, AND
    NOW SEEM TO BE MORE UNDERSTANDING.

    I HOPE THAT YOUR CHILDREN WILL READ IT , IF YOU CHOOSE TO PRINT IT FOR THEM, AND MAYBE GIVE A COPY TO YOUR HUSBAND ALSO.

    MY THOUGHTS & HUGS TO YOU, LADYBUG2







  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    The original has just gotten to long, so I posted the original message into a Part II thread so more people can respond.

    Love, Mikie

[ advertisement ]