Abuse , it continues to rear its ugly head.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by silky17, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. silky17

    silky17 New Member

    My heart goes out to all of the abused people here and how the cycle will continue for decades to come.

    I read a post on here of reactions to past years of abuse, I truly believe that it is what is behind allot of our pain and fatigue we deal with everyday. The depression issues etc.

    I wish that I could see and be able to help someone before it happens. It is so common that its unreal. I myself was abused in ways and have went through years of unsuccessful intimate relationships. I feel its because I can't trust anyone. I want to say to many of you that I am sorry it happened to you too.

    I am not sure why I had to say anything but I am so sick of the cycle of abuse. It's so wrong.

    God bless you all,
    Debbie
  2. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    I saw your post on the other thread- dealing with abuse issues- and your response was wonderful. You are very supportive.

    And yes- abuse is one of those things that burrows deep in the psyche, nestles in and never leaves. If one is lucky, the 'monster' may lay undisturbed...

    I have tried to face my monster head on each time it wakes up with a loud, "I'm not scared of you!" (I wish it were that tactful... usually, I just have a fit at whatever woke it up...!)

    I'm hoping... but aren't we all?

    Lollie
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I grew up in a dysfunctional, alcoholic, abusive home.

    When my son was born I said, I am not going to continue this. I read every book on child care in the local library. Whenever I caught myself acting like my parents I said, stop now.

    I now have a 4 year old granddaughter. My son is a wonderful father to her.
  4. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    Was at my JOB!! They were very controlling, nasty, abusive people that sent me to therapy in the end, and now I am on leave with a nasty flare. The therapist said if I had not had an abusive past I would not have lasted as long as I did there. How funny (?!?) is that?

    They had a bunch of my money that I could not afford to leave without, but I finally managed to get. It was like living with an abusive spouse. Crazy, but true. They started out all sweet and over time got more controlling, abusive and threatening. I felt suicidal. My therapist is helping me to understand how not to get tangled up with "those types" again, but it was like I allowed it to go on until I was at mental and physical collapse.

    I, too, believe it is behind a lot of our pain. I was not physically abused, or even spanked as a child, but there are other traumas that play a role in this. In talking to my Rolfer, the body has 'flight, fight, & freeze', he said which is why you will see hostages having to be "removed" by soldiers, etc., their fascia have frozen. He said it is a lot the same with FMS- the pathways and fascia have frozen due to some type of trauma, be it physical or mental. He said "everyone has their story to tell".

    I am not trying to say that it is the entire cause, just one more piece of the puzzle that aids in recovery. And isn't that why we are all here?
  5. silky17

    silky17 New Member

    A subject that some don't want to talk about. But thanks for the responses and the kind words.

    peace to you all
    debbie
  6. razorqueen

    razorqueen Member

    what I went thru as a child, (alcoholic mother, sexually abused by her brother), is something that I swore would never happen to my children. I hate alcohol because of the pain it caused my family. Praise God He healed my mother of her addiction 19 yrs ago, so my kids have never known her like that. We have our share of difficulties, but those are not them!
    Raz
  7. silky17

    silky17 New Member

    Takes someone like you to stop the cycle.

    Bless you and your children

    Debbie
  8. silky17

    silky17 New Member

  9. Sue50

    Sue50 New Member

    both my mother and father beat on me, it was awful and I vowed when I had a child I would never hit him and I didn't, my child is going to graduate from college in March,he is married to a wonderful woman, they are so intelligent and I am so proud of them both.
  10. Smiffy

    Smiffy Member

    I was physically, mentally & sexually abused throughout my childhood by my alcoholic mother. I have read that long term abuse adversely affects our adrenal system, as our bodies were stuck for so long in terrified 'fight or flight' mode.
  11. rbecca47

    rbecca47 New Member

    your post touched my heart, i also have severe abuse in my past, for as long as i can remember, i write alot in a journal each day (unless i am in to much pain to hold a pen) i see a therapist weekly, and i pray that the cycle of abuse stops here, i do beleave my sisters and i have broken the cycle of abuse in our family.
    I also feel like you in stopping abuse just for one person would be great, also stopping child abuse all together would be a prayer answered.
    debbie your post touched me, thankyou for being so kind
    becca
  12. Grandma6

    Grandma6 New Member

    I was a foolish teen just out of highschool when I married my first husband but thank the Lord it only lasted a year before I wised up and got out.

    Now I have the most wonderful hubby for over 30 years and I count my blessings for him everyday. I will never understand why I stayed in that 1st relationship for as long as I did because I was not raised in that kind of enviorement. I never even remember my Dad raising his voice to my Mom. If they ever had any disagreements, they never showed it in front of us. My Daddy had the patience of Job and my parents were two of the best and set a wonderful example for all to follow. One of the reasons I believe their marriage was so strong is that they put the Lord before all else.

    I will add to my prayers that all abused women will some how find the courage to do what is best for them to stop the abuse and be able to live a life of safety and love.

    Grandma6
  13. silky17

    silky17 New Member

    I am amazed at how many are abused in so many ways. Its no wonder we are messed up, and I am sure many more to come.

    My abuse was mostly sexual and I did have two boyfriends that tried pushing and slapping me around. One of them tried choking me, thank God the phone rang. I was being choked right next to the phone and I was able to knock it off the wall.I had told my cousin the details of his abuse and she realized something was happening at the time so thank the lord again, that a knock came at the door and it was the police. Back then they didn't do what they do now, and didn't haul him away. But he was made to get out (lived together about a month).I made him give me the key and I never let him see me again. I had more of a dificult time with the other one. Thats a long story so I won't get into it. He was also good at mental abuse. His actions finally caught up with him , he is now serving 5 yrs in jail.

    The sexual stuff was from the age of 4 to about 13. I woke up one morning to having my stepfather sleeping next to me. My oldest brother took care of that and pulled him out of my bed and started cleaning his clock so to speak. That was the end of him, my mother kicked him out.

    The thing is that so many women think that they need a man to live and it is not true. We are so capable. Its the threats that are used and the mental pressure. I do believe it will get better. Look how Oprah is getting the attention for it. Thanks guys for the responses and opening up to your own pain.

    Take care,
    Debbie