Advice about deep dissapointment in family member??

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by lenasvn, Oct 13, 2006.

  1. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I never posted here before. I want to ask other people of faith how to deal with a deep seated resentment I feel toward my childrens grammie.

    I believe in Christ, but not in the church. This woman is an ex. Baptist Pastors Wife. She lives in this nice house, goes to many meetings, have dinners with her christian friends. She lives apretty good life. Her son abandoned us some time ago.

    I have went thru some serious issues with my health (CFS, possible FM, and PTSD, unable to work and applying for SSDI), and have had extremely difficulties financially (long story). She knows we have been without a dollar for 3 months.

    Thru this time and in the past- she have not ONCE asked me how I'm doing, asked if we needed anything- not ONCE! Even a child could figure there would be a need for basics like diapers, clothes, power, toilet paper (!).

    I am not the one to judge, but at the same time Matthew 25:31-46 comes to mind. We are not only poor per say, but we are supposedly family.

    I have noone here, my family is not in this country, my illness have devastated me in more than one way. I have most of my friends in another state. I am on my own, the only one near is her. I am not expecting her to support us at all, but a little compassion wouldn't hurt. A question if I am ill and need the children away from the house for a while.

    Bring a roll of toilet paper on the way over to the house, anything!

    All I see is this huge smile, and chit-chat talk. I am feeling more resentlful by the minute, and maybe I expect more from a Christian. Aren't we supposed to visit the poor and the widowed and fatherless, aren't we supposed to share a meal with them instead of our fancy church buddies?

    I can't talk about things with her, she bluntly ignores me. It's like she don't want to hear anything that is not jolly and funny. Anything that won't remind her that the world (and us with it) is imperfect.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated, this is tearing on me. I can't keep playing the "happy game" with her with no debt or reality.
  2. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    You have my prayers and my sympathy. I am much older than you and I have learned one thing, that is you can't change people into what you would like them to become.

    I think people can be very generous if they know who they are donating to. I would say forget about the old woman, and try to find a charity or church or some group that would take on assisting your family.

    I guess I would go so far as to write or email local churches, Optimist clubs, American Legions, anything you can think of, and explain how badly you need help.

    Most people are not big on donating just to a general fund.... like Unicef... but if asked to donate to a particular family, they will open their heart and wallet, especially if you send them thank you notes telling them what a difference their gifts make.

    Sorry, this is probably no help at all. Prayers for you dear.
  3. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Oh, I don't want her moneys, or expect it! Thanks for the thoughts though! What my question is, is how do I deal with the feelings of built up resentment? THAT is my problem, I don't want her money!

    I would appreciate her asking how we are doing, if I need help with the kids cause I am very ill some days!

    Lu, good advice, I'll pray that very thing.

    asatrump, I think your idea is wonderful! I will do what you adviced, I never thought of going that route. I have one lady from a church that helps occationally, but it can be a couple of months in between, and very sporalic. Bless her heart, she have been so great!

    many hugs and blessings everyone

  4. kgangel

    kgangel New Member


    Hi there, I am so glad you posted. I don't know if I will be able to give you any comfort or not, but i will try . I am so sorry for all you are going through financially and with your mother in law.

    I would think that as a Christian yes, you would just atomatically want to help those in need, especially those in your family.

    I am sorry about your health too and that you have been unable to work. Do you have a church that you may be interested in going too in the area, I know you said you have not gone to church, but they have helped my family out with so many things in the past and it is also a place to meet some very nice and caring people. Not everyone that goes to church is nice and caring ,but most are at least trying.

    I don't know why your mother in law would do this and not help you and your children out is some way. The only thing we can do for her is pray and hope she finds her way.

    I will be praying for you and your family as well

    God Bless you

  5. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    is bring it to God.The Resentment isn't hurting your Mother-in-law.(I've met people that won't even watch the news because they don't want to hear anything negative)It's hurting you and your children.Children can pickup our moods.So ,I just say,give your problems with resentment to God and let it go,if you are able.Your mother-in-law will never change.

    When I give my troubles to God,I feel a deep peace within myself.I hope this helps lenasvn.It's just my way and I'm trying to share.((((((((((((Many Hugs))))))))))))))))Linda
  6. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    kgangel and Linda- thank you for your support.
    I will give it to God.

    In a not too far future I will be moving back to Sweden. I want the best opportunities for my children and they can get it there. Before I leave I think I will (in a "good" way) express how I have felt about her non commitment to us.

    I don't care if she "hears" me, but it will be a healthy release for me. I will tell her that I will pray that she will have someone there the day she needs it the most.

  7. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    It was good to see you here....but I am so sorry for what you are going through. Linda (lovethesun) and many others have given such good advice to you.

    I can TRULY say this... because I have lived it! I have a MIL alot like her ways (she is in a nursing home now with dementia). She also claimed to be a Christian. I will leave it at that. I will not judge her any further....but, I can say that you can tell a TRUE Christian by the way they treat other people.

    To be a Christian is to be "Christ like". This woman doesn't seem to even care enough for her own grandchildren....that is extremely wrong! But, you have to do as I did...try to forgive her. God will help you.

    I will pray for you dear Lena. I admire you SO much! You are living here in another country... and fighting this dreaded illness. And, all the while trying to be this terrific mother. And... THAT YOU ARE!! I remember the posts about how you was so concerned about your children. That is a GOOD mother....HURRAY for our Lena!!

  8. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I sure needed some jolly cheers! That made me smile! Thank you for your words and thoughts, you are sooo right. lets leave it at that,too.

    I remember when I separated from my son's father when he started drinking after a sober year- that I kept blessing him and blessing him. It didn't do much then, but it might have later. He seem to have been able to stay with employers long term,and not move around all over the country! He was severely abused as a child, and probably hid the pain behind the bottle.

    To be honest, it was easier to bless him, because I loved him tremendously, but I never got close to this woman, she never let me in. It is harder to do, but it's the action that counts, we don't have to "feel" it when we do bless them.

    I have recieved so much good advice from all of you, thank you again, it means alot to me to have people like you guys around!

    many hugs!!
    [This Message was Edited on 10/16/2006]
  9. dejovu

    dejovu New Member

    Your words just broke my heart. I would give anything to be able to spend time with my grandbabies. It just brings tears to my eyes.

    I wish I could hold your hand and help you and watch over those babies with you.

    God says that anyone who hurts a child, it would have been better for them to have not been born. Those are some pretty strong words. He will deal with your MIL.

    As for you dear one, there are places like womans shelters that can get you some help. There are pleasant people there who have seen what your living through. Alot of times they have been through this themselves. So they do truely understand.

    I will be praying for you. If I could I'd adopt you all and love you so much that you'd want to go back to Sweeden just to get away from me...Tee/Hee.

    As for MIL....Lots of people call themselves Christians, but the Lord will one day say " I knew you, not". She is missing out on some of Gods greatests gifts (the loves of you and those grandbabies) and isn't smart enough to even know that her punishment has started right here on earth.

    Please post again and tell me how you are doing. I care very much.

    Dear Jesus, show Lena Your love and kindness. Lead her to where she will find love and peace and all the good things you have for her. Please bring blessings into her and her childrens lives. And take real good care of her. I ask this in Your Name and with all faith. Amen

  10. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Your post really touched my heart! I almost had to go and reapply some mascara,,,LOL!

    Bless your heart! You are right, children need love, and lots of it. My children are so wonderful too, really good children, although my daughter bite me sometimes,,,teehee!

    Maybe I could just bring you with me to Sweden, don't worry about language, they know English well over there.

    many hugs and Blessings

  11. dejovu

    dejovu New Member

    As you can tell, I have a bit of a temper especially when it comes to the selfish, heartless, self-serving people parading around as Christians.

    Leaving the rest of the world to think we are all like that.

    Our God is a God of love and we should all strive to be like Him in all ways.

    I bet Sweden is beautiful. When will you be going back? And can I hide in your suitcase?

    One thing nice about the internet is that you will only be a key stroke away and we can stay in touch.

    When you feel like chating, drop me a line. And remember that I will keep you in my prayers. And if you feel like screaming drop me a line and we can scream together.

    Because that is what we children of God do. We are there to love and support one another. That is how you can tell the chaff from the wheat.

    Blessings dear one and please know you are not alone. I will be praying for you and your dear family. De

  12. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    De, we sound alot alike. I will pick you up on an exchanging chat. Today I'm going to be busy filling out paperwork for an initial SSDI appointment. Let me know what time of day works for you (for tomorrow or another day).

    By the way, I noticed you live in Boise ID, that's not far away from Walla Walla where I'm at. Interesting!

    Don't rush a reply, I'll probably be gone for the evening (although maybe not, I am hopelessly drawn back to it, I'm a computer geek!!)

    Many blessings