Advice???Please

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by willruthie1965, Jul 28, 2006.

  1. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    I just needed a little advice. About 1 year ago I took my brother in, he was going to be homeless.He is basically a bum, owes 27 thousand in back child support.Well We at first just charged him 75 a week than I started getting so sick with fybro And unable to work {as a waitress }as much as before so we went too 100 a week.OkWe are paying everything and rent is 995.00 OK so hubby is dissabled with fybro and I am getting sick so a few timess we asked for the rent early. Well he did a couple times but recently we were going to lose electricity and he wouldnt help We asked him to move,I mean it would have just paid his rent for september now he has to do it alone and come up with more than the hundred I was asking for early/We have other reasons he needs to leave so we did;t say becuse of his not willing to help.Would anyone else just be mad about this?He knew my hubby was starting a job even though he is so sick he just coudn't do it at the time do too rotary cuff surgery .,MY point my brother knew we were getting on our feet.Im stilljust upset about this,Ruthie
  2. leubie

    leubie New Member

    Hey Ruthie, I read your post-----BY THE WAY------IM LAURA--------------anyways Im sorry yall are having such a hard time w/ your brother----------im like you-------------he could live w/ me--------------YOU sound like a VERY CARING PERSON---------------do not be mad at yourself-------------or your brother------------just realize how caring you are-------------yes--------you have to solve the probelm-----------but understand that what you are doing is out of LOVE-------------I know this does not help much----------BUT IM LISTENING AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE----------------------LOVE TO ALL----------LAURA
  3. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    I'm not mad at him just coud't understand when he sitting on alot of money but wont help the one person who took him in.I mean there are 8 brotehrs and sisters and no one took him in cause he is a bum.I mean litteraly, keeping a joblong enough till the child enforcement starts geting his money then he gets himself fired or quits. He is 50 and now his kids don't want to see him becuase he wont help with thier care.Well now instead of having his september rent paid he has to get a deposit ready and first moths rent .The reason he is sitting on money is I seen like 2 thousand in his room. Yes I peeked into his room because he wasn't taking his trash out and was hoarding all kids of ungodly items .He is mentally ill but does'tknow it.He is ocd. RUhtie
  4. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    What a tough problem. My brother has also fallen on hard times and I have helped him alot.

    He is my brother and I must admit, I forgive him his shortcomings, he is my only real family and I know he loves me.

    I don't know why your brother is not paying you, did you ask him?

    Is it possible for your brother to go to therapy? My brother and I are very close and I know it is hard.

    Based on what you are saying, it sounds like he is mad about something and needs to clear the air. You said he has the money, so why isn't he paying you?

    If you get along, it would be a help for you financially for him to be there rather than a stranger, unless he upsets you.

    You said you asked him to move, did he?

  5. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    Well he is is leaving the first of september,We are not very close.Like I said he owes my whole family money so when it came time for him to be homelessse everyone knew it was because hechose not too work and to run from child support so they will not help him anymore.I actually thought I would convince him to seek help and get on anti depression meds but he acts if nothng is wrong. Ruthie
  6. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    Well he is is leaving the first of september,We are not very close.Like I said he owes my whole family money so when it came time for him to be homelessse everyone knew it was because hechose not too work and to run from child support so they will not help him anymore.I actually thought I would convince him to seek help and get on anti depression meds but he acts if nothng is wrong. Ruthie
  7. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    but that seems to be his trait in his adulthood....so that shouldn't be no big surprise...

    sounds like some smart kids...they figure it out eventually...

    now if he wants to grow up and you want to help him out...he needs to start paying a third of all of the bills sounds fair to me....and help out like it was his place..w/chores...

    and he needs to tackle the child support...i do not feel a bit sorry for the stingy man at all..

    i have one of those for my son's father right...he owes me...i could buy a nice car with the money...but everything is always everyone elses fault..not his..

    well i don't know what to say much...except you have a real man for a husband and count your blessings...

    hugs to you
    jodie
  8. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Well, I guess you have to look at it as you would any roommate, even though you took him in and he is your brother.

    I guess it would not be right to ask a roommate for extra or early rent, but the issue seems to be that you need to be paid monthly at the start of each month, plus you need a larger share of the electric as it all went up recently.

    You also can tell he is not about to help anyone due to his not paying child support which is illegal.

    Please contact your electricity people as if you are sick they have a clause of not cutting off power. With so little income you will also qualify for the government cheaper electric program and gas too, here in NY it is called Power Partners.

    Please contact them right away and explain you are both suck and they will work something out wiht you.

    Meanwhile, your brother needs to be paying a 3 way split, so write down all expenses and divide by three, plus if he is messy you need some stake from him in the security deposit.

    He is acting like a teenager for sure. Roommates need to share cleaning and other jobs or else pay extra to have another roommate do it.

    You may want to consider geting a real roommate instead.

    Love Anne Crom
  9. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    Thanks i leared alot about myself also about being more responsible.I have My hands tied when I get sick after 4 hours of work.I know some agencys should be helping people with dissabilities I have tried alot but not too much help so far.Ruthie
  10. optimistic1

    optimistic1 New Member

    I am truly sorry for the trouble you are having with your brother. It seems he is not willing to pay his share to you and your husband-----not even keep his living space cleaned or straightened. I know you need the money right now but since he will not help you it seems to me that you would be better off with him gone.

    I'm glad you had the courage to ask him to leave, I think you will feel better without all this stress. You and your husband have been so kind wanting to help him but he must be willing to help himself too.

    My son has OCD. This is a tough one. However, he has finally found himself a good job and can now take care of himself. He is 47 and it has taken him a long time to reach this point. Its a lot of hard work and the OCD never lets up. Such a tough disease.

    We helped until we couldn't and then we realized we were enabling him and making his life too easy. He had to learn how to live in the real world with all its ups and downs.

    I hope I have helped a little. I wish you and your husband much luck. You have made such a difficult decision but I hope you can stick to it. You will be better for it in the long run.

    Many blessings to you both,

    Arlene
    [This Message was Edited on 08/02/2006]
  11. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I don't know what state you are in, but here in California, if someone does not pay child support they cannot get any state licenses including a drivers license!

    That brings many around. If your brother is mentally ill, maybe he just can't be responsible no matter what.

    I understand your frustration and am sorry for you and him. That is the tragedy of mental illness, people cannot understand it or help judging.

    If he becomes homeless and something happens to him, it will be terrible but I am not telling you it is your responsibility.

    I guess I am too much of a softy.