Advise for social life

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mstg, Jun 28, 2003.

  1. mstg

    mstg New Member

    can anyone give me any advice on how to have a social life even though Im too sick most of the time. I think that if I could just will myself alittle more I could do something to interact with others when Im having a good day.
    One of my problems is that I live in a rural community and you have to drive about 70 miles to go even to a shopping mall. that would be okay but I cant stand to sit and drive that long my hips hurt too bad and my leg and arm goes numb. Its just that I feel so isolated and think that interacting with others could help with the depression if nothing else. Thank God for this message board at least I have someone to talk to from time to time on here. and you guys can relate to my pain.

    If you have any advice I would appreciate it, if not I do understand...This is an awful disease and a very lonely one too...
    God Bless, love you guys...Trish
  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I'm glad I was a party girl before I got really sick because I have very little in the way of a social life right now. I do socialize a little in the winter when my snowbird neighbors are here, but most of my friends have moved away. Not working has caused my world to shrink.

    I look forward to getting back to work as soon as my health permits because I miss the interaction with other people. It was through work that I made most of my social contacts.

    Love, Mikie

  3. Peace7

    Peace7 New Member

    Do your community have a church or a coffee shop?

    If there is a church, perhaps they could offer something that fits your interests such as a craft group (get together and work on crafts, rubberstamps, scrapbooks, etc)
    or a quilting circle, a book discussion group or something similar. If they don't already have the kind of groups you are interested in, ask them to put a notice in the bulletin to see if others are interested.

    If there is a coffeeshop or a restaurant, go and hang out.
    Put up a sign that says "A penny for your thoughts" and give a penny to anyone who shares with you. Or put up a sign offering to sit with anyone eating alone. Or let the waitress know that you will offer to sit with anyone else eating alone. (You might want to ask if it's ok before making the signs)

    You can ask around at Senior Citizen services or Aging and In home services (in the larger city) to see if there is a service that calls people who are alone to make sure they are ok. Perhaps you could have a phone friend that way.

    Or perhaps you could call people in your area to make sure they are ok.

    Hope things are looking up for you soon,


  4. elaine_p

    elaine_p New Member

    Anne/Peace has some good advice. I should probably print it out for myself!

    I have virtually no social life except with my family, and that's infrequent. Part of the problem is that when I have energy to do things is when people "my age" are working!

    When it finally got to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore, I found this site. I check these boards in the morning and afternoon, and chat in the evening if I have the energy.
  5. lone-wolf

    lone-wolf New Member

    Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I seem to remember one of those.

    I have FM/CFS and I am also agoraphobic and a socialphobic AND live in a rural area in a little house 'tucked' in the woods.... hence the nick name 'lone-wolf'. lol

    I live with six dogs, Two Great Pyrenees, Liberty and Buck and three cockapoos, Hannah, JOJO, and Teeka and a toy poodle, Rosie. They make me move on days when I wouldn't get out of bed from the pain and fatigue. Teeka will actually push the covers off me and JoJo will lick my eyelids as if to say are you up yet??? Am NOW!

    I get so lonely I WILL talk to telemarketers!!! haha

    This site has been a God send for me. It is interaction and in a way I can handle ... being agoraphobic and socialphobic really puts the 'kabosh' what ever that means, on a social life if and when I have a good FM day.

    Sorry, I don't have a remedy to offer but I sure can relate and share :)

    Smiles, Karen
  6. tansy

    tansy New Member

    I wholly understand the need for social contacts. I live in a city surrounded by people but still don't have what could conventionally be called a social life.

    I go to this amazing little cafe bar full of interesting people, over half of whom come from overseas. There everyone's an individual so I fit in just fine. Everyone communicates with one another there and I've got to know some really great people there who accept me as I am and how I am on any given day. Even did a photgraphic project there of the people, it's atmoshere etc. It's still up now cos everyone likes it so much, they all felt they were a part of it.

    Until things got worse again became a part of the local muscic community, my photography and playing in the past meant I was valued both as a person and for my skills, which was very uplifting. They all keep in contact and on the few occassions I can see them they carry on as normal, in other words I'm not made aware of the time between.

    A class or group for a specific hobby or passsion can be useful. My parents live in a rural area and so my mother and some of her friends actually set a few up themselves using the nearby village's hall, she lives in a hamlet.

    I cannot entertain any more, never know how I'm going to be, and can't really cook etc. But every now and then I invite a few female friends around, we each provide some food etc and have a girlie night in with a video, play some music, or just chat.

    I don't know about you but I find there's a distinct difference between feeling isolated and solitutde. When I'm at my worst and just can't do anything I feel isolated. When I have better days, and know I have to take things quietly, but can do something that feels worthwhile because I'm taking things carefully, that is solitude.

    I think the potential for isolation is one of the worst parts of these DDs.



    [This Message was Edited on 06/29/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 06/29/2003]
  7. mitch123

    mitch123 New Member

    Maybe you could advertise in the local newspaper, to meet some other people with CFS or an illness? Phone chat or coffee get together now and then.
  8. cindy_cfids

    cindy_cfids New Member

    If you're single with chronic illness, I hope you join our group CFIDS and Fibro singles. It's a great place to make friends and possibly more.

    Yahoo Group Name: CfidsandFMSingles
    ยท Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & F/M Singles
    (Edited to remove URL)

    [This Message was Edited on 06/30/2003]
  9. elaine_p

    elaine_p New Member

    Skeesix said "move to an area that is more conducive to social interaction". Actually, moving *from* a rural area may be helpful, but....

    I moved from a city in Oregon to rural ND. We lived here for 5 years when I was a kid (my mom grew up here), and I'm related to practically all 800 people in town, at least by marriage.

    I figured being mostly homebound in Portland would be pretty much the same as being mostly homebound here. WRONG. In Portland I didn't have a lot of friends (became sober 3 years before I got this DD, so old drinking friends were gone), but I had been able to make some when I was well. You have to have energy to make new friends--especially if you're the one who has to initiate contact. New friends can be less understanding of your limitations that old friends (especially if they're in recovery and big on acceptance ahd honesty).

    I do have to say the lack of noise or air pollution seems to have helped me a little, or maybe I'm just in a different phase of the illness.

    Also, here most people my age (40) are working when I have the energy to do things. In a city, you have people doing shift work, so many more might be available whenever it is you might have the energy to get out and do things....