After 3 years, I still have this stupid conversation with myself.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cjcookie, Oct 8, 2006.

  1. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    Anyone else? I got up yesterday, did the whole shower, laundry, etc. Then, I had to run a couple of errands and take my friend's daughter to cheer at the homecoming game. I then went for my manicure/pedicure and picked up friend's daughter. When I got home, I was exhausted. To myself, I said - that's strange, why am I so tired? I only did this and this and this. My answer was, Hello stupid, remember, you have fibro. Oh yeah.

    Do any of you still do this to yourselves? It's like even though I'm in horrible pain, I still forget why for a few minutes. I can't count the number of times I have that same conversation with myself - wondering why this or that. Maybe it's the head injury or maybe just my brain trying to give me a few minutes peace. Am I nuts?
  2. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Although not as much as I used to.

    Lamotta hit the nail on the head by saying that, at least at first, on some level we doubt (I would say and/or don't really believe) our diagnosis. Because it's not a well-known illness and because people close to us often doubt us, we have a smidgeon of doubt that creeps too. Besides, we're used to things like the flu or a bad cold; things we get over eventually!

    We're totally unused to having something so relentlessly debilitating in our lives so we push and crash. Over and over until we get it.

  3. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I think we all do this hopeing that at the end of the day ,one day we will feel like our old selfs.That maybe these DD's will just be gone as fast ,as they came.

    We try to hold on to that Hope . I do not do hardly anything and mid morning I'm tired .I have a basket of clean cloths sitting here for 2 days to fold .I know it will exhaulst me when I do it, but I have to do it and afterwards I'll be relieved I did and thankfull I could. Thats silly I know.

    If I have an erran to run it takes me a day to find the energy to go outside my house and drive to do it. My life has changed so much even the little things have become such a hard chore.But I still hold on to the HOPE .
  4. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    No you aren't nuts.

    We are surrounded by people who say well if you can run errands and go get a manicure then you can't be sick.

    You look healthy so you can't be sick!

    You look healthy so you can't be in pain!

    We doubt ourselves because we are surrounded by people who doubt we are sick. So instead of getting the help we deserve we push ourselves to just keep on going. Push crash, push crash!

    Lamotta77 I was involved with a therapist who used cognitive behavioural therapy. She never suggested it would heal my FM. What she did was help me deal with being chronically ill, stop 'shoulding' myself and beating myself up and stop taking crap from my relatives. It was one of the best things I did for myself!

    hugs Redwillow

  5. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    I do this at least once a week.

    Not as much stuff as you did though, holy cow, no wonder you were tired.


    Sue in Ontario
  6. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    When I have a day where things are feeling reasonably good, and I run and errand..and then maybe I have already done some things around the house..and I come home and sit down and feel like I can barely move...and I think, "WHAT DID I DO THAT MADE ME FEEL SO TIRED?" ..and then at some point I think "DUH,FIBRO".
    I think I am in a state of partial denial most of the time!LOLOL
  7. tobelct

    tobelct Guest

    I still have this thought feeling obsestion.

    I want to go for a ride (horse back) walk out to the barn look through the tack room (unorganized) *think I should have this clean why don't I * Pick up a few things laying around.

    continue out to the horse get it seperated from the others wonder why my arms are so tired lifing the halter on.

    Take it out of the gate.

    Start on grooming my horse. Decide cause the lack of strangth to get important parts. Opt out of a saddle cause its to heavy *think funny Ishould be able to pick that right up*. Use a bare back blanket. But don't have the strangth to sinch it so I go no blanket.

    Now I have to have something to use as a step latter *cause I know longer have the strangth to swing up & I used to.*

    I then have to find a tree to tie my horse on cause I need to move a step to the back of the truck so I can stand on the tailgate.

    Did not realize the log was so heavy.

    Finnaly bring my horse over to crawl onto the tail gate to star at my horses back and ask myself how come I don't have the energy to swing my leg over my horses back.

    Now my mom can do this and she is several years older then I.

    My riding buddy can do this and she has had ber pelvic bone broke not once but twice.

    How come I who have been limber, athletic, busy.... not able to do something as little as swing my leg over my horses back.

    This is one of many conversations I have.

    I feel for your deep lost of being able too. and your lack of what you used to do.

    Its the little things added up that we miss the most.

  8. marsupialmama

    marsupialmama New Member

    I want to go out and change the world but if I just do a few errands or a bit of housework I feel like I have been run over by a truck.

    But I still want to do stuff, I hate the idea of being helpless or dependent on others.

    It is so frustrating!!
  9. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

  10. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    I think our brains want us to be normal, so we trick ourselves into thinking that we're normal. NOT!! The FM always wins in the end!

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