After divorce, 2 yrs alone, I found real love at 50

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia and ME & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome' started by JaciBart, Jan 31, 2013.

  1. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I left the marriage after hearing for 8 yrs that I was not of any use anmore, lost my carreer and the big paychecks and was sentenced to torment, belittling, put-downs, insults, I could go on for hours of the hell I was living in, and the 24/7 fear of his anger at me for getting sick, when he started physically abusing I knew I had to go or die at his hands.

    Luckily I had been on disability for a few yrs already, I completely isolated and just loved on my doggy and gave myself time to heal emotionally but I will admit my worst fear was growing old alone and never having had a healthy and strong perfect love, the kind you get from your dog. If all persons loved each other as our pets do us and we only treated those we love as good as we treat our pets we would have healthy relationships.

    When I felt ready to try again and felt like I was as whole as I was going to be without love, as I believe love is healing, I put an ad on Christian Mingle. I did not meet one single person, after about 3 mo or so of hitting the delete button to hundreds of replies to my ad I did have a southern gentleman one day send me a message online basically telling me that I should read his profile, I did, it was almost exactly the same as mine, we seemed to have so much in common.

    The thing about this guy was from the start there was respect, honesty, kindness, an open heart looking for love. Poor guy, I was so afraid of doing anything stupid or getting hurt I made him spend a couple of months just talking on the phone only. I told him all the pain I had been thru and how I just could not take any games, phoniness, disappointments. God, I believe had everything to do with Stewart finding me. He was patient with me in every way and we both knew that there was no reason to rush anything. He was different from the moment we first started talking. No ego, no flaws that I could find and I looked very hard for them. Well, long story short we finally met in person after thousands of phone time and he was everything I had been praying for, and more. I had been praying the whole time that when I knew I could, pls Lord only let me meet men of the caliber of my counselor, BJ anad my Pastor David Parker. God did bring me a man of that caliber but I did my part right by having excessively high expectations, and it paid off.

    I was not interested in starting a relationship with sex nor was he. I had made a vow to God that I will trust in him and I was not going to make love until I knew and we both knew we were in love. I promised myself I was only going to make love with one man and that would be who I knew I could trust with my life that I could count on him to grow old with. We are the same age, he has been in my life for 2 yrs now, there was an exact moment one Friday afternoon where we were just watching an old movie together and cuddled on the couch and it felt as if my heart just filled with love for this gentle kind man, and in that moment I knew in his arms I was home. I have never once questioned my feelings and he has never once done or said anything to hurt me or let me down. He must have had the same thing happen in close to the same way as it was within a few weeks I heard from "I have fallen in love with you" and oh, how hard it was for me to be wanting to hear those words.

    He is 1000 x better than I ever thought I deserved, but I will just keep him anyway. Seems weird at 52 to be "engaged" and using words like boyfriend and fiance but soon, in a few months I will be able to say husband and that will feel better as we already feel as one. He takes care of me in every way. He had been alone for 8 yrs and he had almost given up too as he is painfully shy. I cherish every day that he is not working and I get him all to myself. We are terribly boring, like an old married couple already, we feel like we were made for each other and loving each other is the easiest thing we have ever done in our life.

    My health was so good at the time we became engaged and I had lost 50 of the 100 lbs I gained when I got ill, but we were separated by a mountain and his carreer is one with changing shifts all the time and 12 hr days anad winter was coming so we did get worried that we could have to go weeks or months w/o being able to see each other so I re-located to be with him, yes, I am living in sin, which is hard for me as I do take my relationship with God seriously and do not believe in it, but complications (both of us agreeing to a certain time frame to stay legally married for medical ins reasons, mine was a 3 yr agreement to be provided ins & stay married, his was a 10 yr commitment to give half his income & stay married but he only has a few months to go) so we prefer to say we are living in love.

    From the move though, my health was stressed so badly I ended up just 2 mo after the move with MRSA in my scalp, then the parasites, etc. I fell completely apart and basically I am as close to bedridden, I live in my recliner, he does everything. I cannot be on my feet more than a few minutes or I fall. He has never once even hinted this was not what he expected.

    There are Good men out there. Men like my Stewart, you just have to put yourself out there, I do very much recomend Christian Mingle if you are a person of faith. Be very careful. Do not meet everyone who wants to meet. Take it slow. Have strong boundaries and stick to them. A good man does not want a woman who will hop into bed with every man she dates. Stewart has told me that even tho it was hard for oth of us, we are only human, he would not have wanted me if I did not gently state the rules up front. I was looking for Mr Right, not Mr Right-Now.

    Pls do not give up on love. It has helped me so much, I cannot get past the depression because I can't get back to who he met and fell in love with but he has proven to me he is not going anywhere. He will be with me until one of us is no longer here, he is healthy, Thank God. And kind of handsome too, if I do say so myself.

    Hugs,
    Jaci
    [This Message was Edited on 01/31/2013]
    [This Message was Edited on 01/31/2013]
  2. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    I wish you much happiness in your life with him.

    PS.....could you put some space in here and there....it's so hard to read a long paragraph.
  3. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    Thanks for taking the time to update us on your new life. If something happened to my husband I think I would look at Christian Mingle too. We have been married almost 34 years & most of it has been good.

    Take care of yourself.