After five years......... I went back to work fulltime.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by FatherTroll, Jan 16, 2006.

  1. FatherTroll

    FatherTroll New Member

    Some may recall me, I hung out here for a few years starting in 2000. I wandered in here, literally suicidal, because I had not worked in four years, had gained over a 100 pounds, and found climbing a flight of stairs difficult.
    I was 40 years old and would no longer drive at night because my night vision was shot, plus I had panic attacks when ever I drove on freeways. Not a pretty thing at all.

    I lived on this site, tried everything that sounded remotely
    intelligent and "got me some learning".

    The trouble with trying a 100 different things is it makes it difficult to say which one, or combination there of was responsible.

    CFIDS tends to beat us up so badly, we are rendered helpless, with a pervasive sense of hopelessness.

    Am I presently 100%? NO, definitly not, but I am functioning again. I no longer percieve myself as an invalid or handicapped, I no longer think maybe I should apply for a handicapped parking sticker.

    Three years ago I joined a gym.
    Last year at the age of 43 I entered the Canadian Powerlifting Championship, I earned a gold and a bronze medal. I can presently squat 500 pounds, bench press 327, deadlift 456. I have also lost the 100 plus pounds I had gained. Excersise has been an essential component, if I don't, I start to feel sick again within 48-72 hours. Is this overcompensating for the years of feeling physically helpless? Probably... so what.

    I will also add, I used to get really pissed off whenever somebody brought this topic up (excesise) thinking, I can barely walk, what the bleep do you know about my life you sadist!

    About 10 months ago I took a commission sales job, very stressful. I hadn't earned a dime in five years, I'm still there, helping to support my family once again, it feels pretty good. I'm leading the sales board presently, yeah me. Come by later we'll have a cup of ego.....enough about me, how did you like my book?

    I would like to thank this place for picking me up of the floor and helping me hold my head up above water long enough to spot the shoreline. It frightens me to think how desperate I was at that point in my life.

    CFIDS make you or break you, that is its inherent blessing.

    No shame in being knocked to the canvas, providing at some point you get up one more time. Never, never, never give up.

    [This Message was Edited on 01/17/2006]
  2. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    i too have been thinking along these lines although i do not think we can just think our selves well i do think a positive mental attitude is crucial.
    ive been working with my gp and had a fair imput to find the right med combo for me and after a few months on my current combo im quite happy.
    i am currently getting dla but i have put some serious consideration into asking them to stop paying it.i am looking forward to a residential training course coming up this year and have high hopes for the future.
    i dont walk well i cant walk far but i will not let it beat me and in my mind im standing tall :)
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    What brought about the recovery? Was it spontaneous; are you saying you're not sure because you tried so many different ways to recover?

    Good luck for continued good health.
  4. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    Welcome back John! I`m so glad you`ve gotten better. Its inspiritial to hear. I`m sure intigued to hear more of your story. Please tell us more when you get a chance.

  5. lin-z

    lin-z New Member

    Thanks for the hope!!! Were you in alot of pain and just exercised in spite of it? How hard did you push yourself in the beginning of this wonderful transition? I think you are going to have us all asking a million questions so please dont wait another couple years to post! :) So happy for you !
  6. matthewson

    matthewson New Member

    I remember you popped in a while back and I have to tell you I was very inspired by your post then! So much so that I have been trying to incorporate more exercise into my daily routine. I have also NOT given up on downhill skiing which is my passion! I still do it every year, even though it is harder for me to do, because I absolutely LOVE it!

    I think it helps to have something you are passionate about and for you it sounds like exercise has been the key to your recovery.

    Thanks again for popping in and I hope you post more!

    Take care, Sally
  7. sdown

    sdown New Member

    Good news about your health. Its great to hear about people getting better.
  8. renae1979

    renae1979 New Member

    Thanks for this GREAT post John!! It was just what I needed to get my lazy @ss up off the couch (which as become my routine after work these days). Plus I just LOVE the pic in your profile!!! That is great.

    Good luck with everything and again, thanks for the wonderful post!

    ~ Jodie
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    yuo made me want to go bac to the gym today...i used to be very a much into freeweights training...again..i have beenoutof it since last year february i got shingles on top of tennis elbow and back/ncek problems...fibro...
    anyways..i have to go for a eval at noon today w/ pt...i want to get in the gym again..but my bad feet, ned surgery both of them...shoulders have bot had is so hard....

    i used to for a 5'2" female used to work out on bench 135 lbs...and squat 285 lbs...i weighed no more than 110 lbs...

    i was athletic in school and took up weigthlifiting... when i was 37 people told me i had a body of a 25 year old
    neve looked my age...ut now i have gained weight from meds and i am sure not doing things have not helped a darn thing...

    well you are getting me motivate,,,i need changes in my life for i just turned 41 can't aford to retire off from ssdi...and i need totae my state exam for real estate salesperson here in california...just been out of it mentally since 2001 and goig through a divorce...

    well i happy to have you write this good piece...i always have been a firm belieiver in weight training...i want to get my tina turner legs back and maybe that swimsuit model figure again...

    i know how to do it...just have been in so much pain and helath not good...besides the fibro stuff...

    look forward to your future posts...i need to come home today and write dowmn my goals...


  10. nan2dance

    nan2dance New Member

    Congratulations John! I can appreciate just how much WORK goes into recouperation. That's a real, real accomplishment.

    I was genuinely bedridden for a couple years and it was just inconceivable to me how out of touch the doctors were who told me I should exercize. I too wanted to punch them. It told me just how little they understood what this illness was about, what it meant in terms of everyday life. They had no @#$%@! idea! ## that'd make me mad.

    That was long ago. Luckily, I'm at the point now where I can exercize and if I don't exercize I know I won't make any more progress. I do as much as I can do.

    I'd like to hear what people have to say about that fine line: knowing when to push and when to rest.

    After alllll these years it is still the biggest mystery to me. It seems like one big gamble because I never really know which is best at any given time. I, for one, do get sick from exercize. Before I ever got sick I was a workaholic type always on the go. And extremely athletic. I pretty much relate to the world through my body. I'm a physical person. At heart, I'm a dancer. Always will be. When I bring up the possibility of dancing again, possibly even teaching someday in the future, people kindly warn me about overreaching and encourage me to be practical. And they may be right!

    For sure, I can't separate who I am from this image of what my body used to be like. I am my body. I still dream of dancing, running across soccer fields, hiking in deep woods... Of course, there are the Other Dreams too. But I'm not willing to let go of that identity because I know it's part of what leads me forward. There is a part of me that remembers what health feels like, and I will never let that memory go just because it makes me sad sometimes. I feel like there's this bridge I'm building. Half is built, just waiting on the other side. It's up to me to build my half to meet it.

    I used to bully myself, call myself lazy. I'd tell myself that if I only had the character and the will I could be better. That bridge'd be completed already. "Get up out of bed and write a novel! Go lift weights! Stop being such a wimp!" It took some therapy to stop being mean to myself. I seem to get far more done with kindness, compassion. I thought if I didn't bully myself I wouldn't make progress. But I was just sick person making myself feel like s***. I make plenty of progress now. Pushing through fatigue doesn't mean I have to be a bully. There is just so much psychological crud that we have to deal with in this situation!

    Honestly, right now, as I write, I'm in a slump. Sometimes I realize in hindsight that I was fighting off a bug and thought it was simply the CFS/FM. That adds to the confusion of how to handle a slump. It's also near my anniversary of getting sick, so I have to be wary of letting the blues slow me down.

    I'd be curious how other people handle their anniversaries. Parties? Rituals? Tears? I always thought a huge bonfire with all the important people in my life there for a potluck would be cool. But it's kind of cold here in January ;-)

    On the other hand, sometimes my go-gettem attitude is bad for me. It's hard doing things in moderation. I tend to exercize too much too frequently and then I'll be laid up for days. Then I have to start over. I call it "getting back on the horse". Right now I'm looking at "getting back on the horse". Sometimes I just wanna shoot the damn horse.

    Well, I've run on enough. It's your post that did it! Thanks for coming back to give us the update. Feel free to give more details!

  11. victoria

    victoria New Member

    So glad you wrote this post, I was really wondering how you were doing after seeing your post elsewhere...

    That is wonderful you are doing so well!

    All the best,
  12. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Wow! Reading this is great. I'm soooooo happy for you.

    Thanks so much for the update and, please, keep us posted on how you are getting along.

    Love, Mikie

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