Airline Laughs

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by foggyfroggy, Feb 6, 2007.

  1. foggyfroggy

    foggyfroggy Guest



    >
    > > AIRLINE LAUGHS
    > >
    > > Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a
    > > college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
    >diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly
    >routinely in our jobs.
    > >
    > > After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
    > > called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics
    >about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
    > > correct the problems, document their repairs on the
    > > form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the
    > > next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack
    > > a sense of humor.
    >
    >Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
    >by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
    > > recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
    > >
    > > By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
    > > has never, ever, had an accident.
    > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    > > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    > > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    > >
    > > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    > > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    > >
    > > P: Something loose in cockpit.
    > > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
    > >
    > > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    > > S: Live bugs on back-order.
    > >
    > > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
    > > feet per minute descent.
    > > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    > >
    > > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    > > S: Evidence removed.
    > >
    > > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    > > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    > >
    > > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    > > S: That's what friction locks are for.
    > >
    > > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    > > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    > >
    > > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    > > S: Suspect you're right.
    > >
    > > P: Number 3 engine missing.
    > > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    > >
    > > P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    > > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and
    > > be serious.
    > >
    > > P: Target radar hums.
    > > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    > >
    > > P: Mouse in cockpit.
    > > S: Cat installed.
    > >
    > > And the best one for last..................
    > >
    > > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
    > > like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    > > S: Took hammer away from midget

  2. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I read this before somewhere, but just as funny second time! LOL

    Straighten up and fly right!!
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    much humor is not going to do well in business unless it is the entertainment business.
  4. boltchik

    boltchik New Member

    I just got off of a plane 2 days ago, glad I didn't read this before I left! Lol! Oh, that was very funny! I am still laughing over, "took hammer away from midget". Thanks for sharing. Kim :)
  5. foggyfroggy

    foggyfroggy Guest

    Yep, I'm flying Quantas if I fly again.