Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by budmickl, Apr 16, 2009.

  1. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    I made it to my first meeting last night. It might be my last. I agree with so much of what they said, but to say that I am enabling her by letting her stay here is too much. I WILL NOT put her out on the streets or into a position where she has to spend more and more time with the boyfriend.

    They said to come to 6 meetings and see if I change my mind. I don't know that I can do the program with all the references to God. It's not that I don't believe in God or Jesus, it's just that I'm not sure about all of it.

    I know, positively, that my daughter won't go to the meetings because of the religious references. She doesn't believe - she claims that she is Wiccan but if she is, she doesn't practice it.

    I will go to more meetings but I'm not sure... the discussion topic was what would make us happy. I thought we'd talk about our addicted person and what we are doing right or wrong for them.

    I was the only one who cried too. But I cry all the time. Guess that shouldn't be a surprise.

    Thanks to all of you who read and who responded my post about the effects of alcoholism on a person's hair. It means so much to have people share what they know.

    Tuesday she had a seizure at my house. I wasn't home but her b/f was here with her. Now we are wondering if she suffered a seizure when she fell down the stairs at New Years and a few weeks ago here, when she had hugo bongo goose egg on her right eye and 2 black eyes. If only she has insurance so we could go to a neurologist for testing. Is seizures a product of addiction to alcohol?

    Thanks to all, you are the best!

  2. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    I just wanted you to know that i have been following your posts with your daughter and I want to tell you how heartbroken i am for you. Also, just so you know, I could never ever throw my kids out on the street no matter what either, no way, no how.

    Unfortunatley, I can't give any advice, I have never had anyone in my family in this situation, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am hoping and hoping that you guys get some help. It must be so so hard for you as a mother to have to go through this with your child.

    God Bless budmickl

  3. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

    My daughter is a good person. The worse she has ever treated me while she was drunk, was to call me on the phone and babble. I would tell her I was hanging up and when she was sober, I'd be happy to discuss what ever was the subject of her ramblings.

    Now that she is living here, she doesn't get drunk at my house. She has been taking a drink of some alcohol I have here, to keep the shakes at bay while she recovers. She doesn't hide the fact, she doesn't do it in front of me. I told her yesterday there is less than a bottle remaining, and after it was gone, there wouldn't be any alcohol in the house.

    She does not disrupt my life by living here. She listens to what I have to say about her issues and never gets cross or angry with me, even if she disagrees with me. I feel alone when she is not here. Maybe by her being here, I'm not concentrating on my loneliness and depression and thinking of someone/something else. But she is not my project. She can only help herself, I can be here to help guide her to wellness.

  4. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    Cate took the words right out of my mouth budmickl "she is a good person with a bad disease". That is exactly the description of your daughter. As a matter of fact when i was younger (in my teens) i had problems and if my Dad gave up on me I wouldn't be where I am at today, so I cherish him every day for being there for me.

    Like Cate said your daughter is very lucky to have you and she will realize that when this is all over.

  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Good for you. It takes courage to try something new. I think 6 meetings is a good idea. Then
    you can know you gave it a fair shot.

    There are lots of references to God at meetings. But the term Higher Power is also used.
    Your higher power is whatever you are comfortable with: Nature, the universe, the group, etc.

    As we 12 steppers say, it is a spiritual program, not a religious one.

    Maybe if you find the group helpful, your daughter will be willing to try AA.

    Good luck

  6. vivian53

    vivian53 Member

    The people on this board are so well informed and understanding aren't they? The very ones I had hoped would respond to you have, for the most part, and their posts are spot on.

    I can relate so well to your post. I am new to Al-Anon also. I also struggle with my faith, and have struggles about my Higher Power. And that is just fine, ok with everyone. Your HP can be anything at all.

    You absolutely DO NOT have to put your daughter out on the street. It is your life, no one in the meetings gives advice. They can only relate what has helped them. No one will judge or condemn your actions. It is not their way.

    We don't go to Al-Anon to discuss the alcoholic in our lives but go to discuss ourselves. To learn how to act, not react. To learn to live happy, full lives whether they are drinking or not. To detach with love.

    I cry all the time too. Oh well. That's just me (and you too : ])We're ok.

    Yes seizures can be caused by alcohol and drugs, but you are so right, that fall probably requires further medical attention.

    Is there a county hospital or indigent care in your county?

    Budmickl my words to you are inadequate. There are so many others here with years of experience with Al-Anon and AA. ome with faith, others with none.

    All I have to offer you is understanding and positive thoughts. They told me to try 6 mtgs and if I didn't like it to try 6 more. I tried it and for the first time in many years have experienced some true peace in my life.

    I hope you and your daughter can find the same. I know I will always go to Al-Anon, even if I no longer have an active alcoholic in my life. I need it for ME, for my happiness and well being.

    I will tell you what they told me, "be a sponge", soak up the groups wisdom, use what you can and throw away the rest.

    [This Message was Edited on 04/16/2009]
  7. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    CNN health did a special over weekend on addictions. It was good. Go on didnt know about two drugs being used for alcoholics.

    There are state funded detox centers. Also sober houses.
  8. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    I checked and the program is on tonight at 7:00 and 10:00 PM my time. I am going to record it so my daughter can watch it with me. Thanks for information!

  9. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    Thank you for your kind words and pointing out something about my daughter - she is a good person with a bad disease. I wouldn't ignore her or kick her out of my house if she had diabetes or such.

    My sister has had seizures for over 30 yrs and has a ton of information regarding free and low cost help. Daughter is working with her to find a place to go for diagnosis and/or treatment. Maybe the seizures will make daughter understand that her addiction has many bad effects on her health, not just on finances and the family.

    From what I understood about the meetings, the people who run them attend all of them - 3 a week. 2 of the women have been going for over 25 yrs. The addict is out of their life now but they continue to come. I don't want to be going to a meeting in 25 yrs for an issue we are dealing with right now. But I will go more meeting and try to be more open-minded about the message and not dwell on the God influence.

    Today was a good day in that daughter showed up at a family function with her boyfriend. The first shock is that she kept her word and came. The second shock is that they were both sober and didn't reek of liquor. The 3rd shock was that she was pleasant. This is probably the first family function in 5 yrs she has attended. I didn't have to make excuses for her. I was so proud of her!

  10. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    I don't think I can ever give up on her. She is such a special person (funny, witty, smart, entertaining) when she's sober. Everyone needs to know person.

    I will help her through this disease just like I would any other disease or injury. I won't enable but I will work with her and help her see that there are better choices than the ones she has been making.

  11. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    I have so often wanted to go back to our spa and just relax and block out the world. But somehow, the real world keeps creeping back in.

    Daughter has made the comment she doesn't like who she is and wants to change. She even said she needs some pills to help her through this. Problem is she hasn't been home long enough for me to talk to her about going to the county health center to start the process.

    'They' say alcoholism runs in families. Her dad and grandfather have both had alcohol addiction. Depression runs on my mother's side of the family. So we both are pre-disposed to our afflictions. And you are right.... it is only by working with doctors and various medicines that we are where we are today. Maybe not recovered but certainly manageable.

  12. vivian53

    vivian53 Member

    I am so glad that today was a good day for you and your daughter and that she is working on her recovery. I know how hard it is to worry about the health of a child. It can make us sick ourselves.

    The alcoholic in my life is my boyfriend. My spousal equivalent.

    I went to a mtg this morning and thought about you. I got the suggestion here that some people substitute the word God for Good during the prayer. I heard someone else do that today.

    I realized that for several years I had been covering for him, making excuses for his absences, feeling embarrassed about it all. Today I stopped that behavior and will work hard to keep it gone.

    I am also using Good as my Higher Power, the Good of the group.

    I have heard about people going for many years. You can go as long as you need, because it is all about you. Just you...your happiness, and your peace.

  13. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    Thanks for your insight. You always have the right words to help.

    I will do 5 more meetings. I will go on different nights and see if I connect with others better than I did at my first meeting.

    I think daughter would go to AA meetings if it wasn't here in this neighborhood. She is embarrassed and afraid she will see someone she knows. I will try to explain 'higher power' the way you have, as whatever she is comfortable with, not necessarily God.

  14. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    Tears.... I wonder why I cry so easily about this? Do I feel sad for her? Or sad that I didn't see this coming? Am I ashamed that I have this problem in my family? No, I'm not ashamed but at a loss as to how to help her with the funds (none) available.

    I will do more meetings. I will do more to try and get her to go to the AA meetings. That's all I can do at this point.

  15. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    Yes, this board is one of the best finds on the net for me. The people here are just what I need!

    We have a county health center, not just a mental health center. By her comment last weekend, I think she is ready to try something more than wondering what to do about it. She said medicine wouldn't be so bad. I assured her that often people don't take pills the rest of of their lives, but until they are healed and know how to control the triggers in their lives.

    You offer what I need most - understanding and positive thoughts. Just as the others have first had experience and offer great advice, sometimes just a cyber hug is all that is needed too!

    Thank you for explaining why you will go to Al-Anon even if you don't have an addict in your life. You find it helps you. That is what I'm looking for - help for me. I will try the meetings again. What do I have to lose?