have to do my semi annual bloodwork Weds and I am kinda nervous this time. They have been positive since 2004. (ANA, RF, SSB,SSA & RNP)I don't know why. Things aren't any worse. But I just feel nervous. I don't know what I am afraid of. Sometimes I fear they will go back to negative and they will say nothing is wrong with you, (even though I know that isn't true) and I think how would you tell everyone you don't have this after you have told them you do. I know this sounds nuts and its not like I want them to be positive still even though for two years they have been positive, It would be great to be negative and well again. But I would be so embarrased in a sense. But also relieved that I was cured.. Then I am worried that they will be worse this time. Because of some strange pain I have been having which it seems is either my spleen or gallbladder. Is this normal being so aprehensive and thinking like this? Believe me I don't want to be sick with this. I am not enjoying having to tell someone I am. Sorry, I guess I am alittle nuts today.