All by myself

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MelaC, Dec 6, 2006.

  1. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    I dont know how many of you are in the same situation as me but my sons and husband work so I am alone all day. Hubby leaves before I get up in the morning and gets home round 7 or 8 at night. When he gets in we eat and then he settles in front of the computer or TV and I just go to bed. Admittedly on the weekends he spends as much time with me as he can but he also needs time to rest and relax and he does that on his computer.

    My boys are at the age where they are never home except to sleep.

    I have 2 cats and 2 dogs and they keep me company and I adore them but I really do crave some people company. I dont have any friends and really battle to make them. On the odd occasions that I have tried making friend they never lasted very long. People have no patience or understanding of what I have to live with and get very fed up when I tell them I am unable to do much. It would be like a dream come true if I could just have 1 friend.

    I always wonder if perhaps I am so desperate that I get overenthusiastic and scare people away as a result. I am a very giving person and a great listener.

    I get so terribly, terribly lonely and crave company so bad.

    I know Redwillow said in a previous post she would love to here about SA and I would love to hear about Canada or any other country for that matter.

    The time difference also makes it difficult to get to know anyone properly.Is there anyone who would care to be my friend and post me on a regular bases. I would really appreciate it, I know I have a lot to offer but lack the opportunity.

  2. abcanada

    abcanada New Member

    This is going to sound weird to you, but I have 4 small children and battle daily with every aspect of my life. I cannot wait until I have 1 hour alone let alone ALL my days. Sounds very selfish I know. I know I'm on the other side of the spectrum. Seems you can't win hey. Unfortunately I don't get on consistantly, but would be glad to chat when you are around at the same time. I usually only get a few minutes at a time! I'm in Canada as well. Take care, Laura
  3. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    full of people and activity, I acutally love not having people around during the day.

    There has been some terrible hurt caused by those who professed to be my friends in the last seven years or so...especially the last 2-3...and I am just not willing to put myself out and be hurt again. It's too long a story to go in to, but my cat and I do very well at home alone until my husband comes home at night.

    People hurt others so easily... how could I have ever been decieved into thinking these people were truly my friends? Many were 25 year "friendships."

    Anyway, I know it's hard to be alone at times, but sometimes the alternatives are less attractive...being used and discarded.

    I hope you don't take this as a criticism because I don't mean it as such. Just hit me how I once felt as you but now welcome the time alone.

  4. IowaMorningGlory

    IowaMorningGlory New Member

    Many days I feel so alone and wish I had just one friend that was close. (I have a friend I talk with maybe once a year and that is all we need) But sometimes even when my family is here I still feel alone.

    Some nights like you my husband gets home after 8pm, eats, then is on ebay or watching tv and falls asleep. My boys are teenagers and 2 work, the other is usually upstairs. I see them many nights passing through, getting something from the fridge, or need a ride.

    Then again there are days I just want them to all go away! The days my kids are arguing or have noisy friends over. Or the days my husband does have off and he wants to go here or there and we go and then he takes an extra two hours for something he didn't mention he wanted to do, and well there I am. In pain and just wanting to be home!

    Quality time for me is the "moments" I do get to talk with my husband and kids and have great conversations that I enjoy. I have gotten where I try (try being the key word there) to love those moments and hold them in my memory long enough to help with the bad days whether I am a alone or just want to be.

    If not for my critters some days I think I would become a mushroom (you know, alone in the dark a lot).

    Don't get me wrong, I definitely know where you are coming from. It would be wonderful to have that friend to fill the void in those in between times. The times between alone and wanting to be. To be able to share everything, you know able to talk about my family life, etc. Critters are great, but they aren't much for conversation! I do complain to them, but they just look at me funny and wag their tail and think I want to let them outside! (Teehee)

    Anytime you need to talk just let me know. I am on, just not as often some days as others. (Although their are some who think I never sleep. :) )

    Take care & Kitten Hugs,
    Blessed Be,
  5. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    Well, you are limited in what you can do. I've had RA for 57 1/2 years and FM for about 30 years. I just had my 2nd round of spinal blocks 2 days ago.

    I was going to suggest that you volunteer at a hospital, a dog pound, etc. but that would be too much for you.

    Is there a local Michaels Art Store by you? They offer classes on numerous crafts. I think that would be good for you. It would be fun, you could chat with others in the class, and it would get you out of the house.
  6. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    Laura I also needed time out when the house got crazy with noisy kids etc I think we all do. Now they are grown up and sometimes you miss the noise as then you always knew the kids were okay. I am very happy with my own company at the best of times. I chat to my sister every day she lives in the UK and I have my mom over every second week and thats really great its just that it would be nice to have someone other than family to chat to so I look forward to hearing from you.

    Sue I do have quality time with hubby and the boys and to enjoy it.

    Laurie I know how hurtful and deceiving people can be and am also very wary of people.

    Joyfully thanks for the suggestion. I have always wanted to join an arts and craft group but have no transport and am unable to walk to them as they are too far.

    Take care
    [This Message was Edited on 12/08/2006]
  7. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    It seems that there is no easy solution to our problem. I spend all day alone just like you. During the busy seasons with my husband's job he is often up at 5:30 and returns home at 7:00 at night. Sometimes bringing work home with him.

    Then on the weekends he tries to catch up with all the maintainance at home. In the evenings he just crashes. Sits in front of the tv and drifts off to sleep!

    My son and daughter also have their own lives. Our son who is 19 is rarely home except to eat the occasional meal and sleep.

    Right now my daughter is home and I am loving her company! Amazingly enough in a short while I will find that really stressful as I can't deal with a lot of noise or conversation. She has just finished her degree and needs to find a job so all her emotion will start to stress me out especially during the busy Christmas season!

    I have a few internet friends that I write to frequently and that is my social life. So Mela write to me and I will reply! I would love to hear about SA. If there is someway we could meet in chat and exchange email addresses that would be even better.

    If I am slow to respond to you don't give up hope. I am here my house is just a little busy right now!

    I posted a letter to you a few days ago. Did you see it? It is entitled "Hi MelaC from Redwillow". Do a search using your name and you should find it!

    hugs Redwillow
    [This Message was Edited on 12/08/2006]
  8. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    I am very sorry I missed your post.I am still pretty new at this so please forgive my confusion, I think it will be easier if we just post here. I would love to exchange e-mail addresses. I have no idea how to get on the chatroom and also the time difference. We would need to arrange a time that we are both available. I think if I am correct we are 6 hours behind you so when it is suitable let me know. I will ask my husband to show me how the chatroom works. Fortunately I have 2 computer whizzes in my house. My husband is a computer programmer and my youngest who is 18 has just finished school and is also going into computers.
    My other son who will be 20 on the 1st of February teaches Latin American and Ballroom dancing.

    What degree did your daughter do? I know what you mean about your daughter. Its so great to have them around but it can also get to be too much to cope with. I have my mom over every second weekend and although she is easy going I find it so exhausting. Basically all we do is chat but who would have thought that could be exhausting. She will be here this weekend and then again for the Christmas weekend. I generally dont go on my computer on the weekends especially when she is here as I feel it would be rude.

    Its funny how alike we are and how similar our situations are. I want to thank you for taking the time to post me and I hope we can become friends.

    Looking forward to hearing from you.

    Hugs Mela
  9. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member


    Hi again

    I just wrote you a long letter and lost the whole thing! So frustrating. I clicked back to read your profile again before I asked you a question and then lost the whole letter. Now I can't remember the question! LOL this fibro fog is awful! LOL

    No I don't think you are pushy at all. I understand completely needing to reach out to people for company. Somedays I get so sad and lonely. Right now my kids are around more for the holiday season which is great. But when they get on with their lives in January I will be lost again.

    Our daughter lives with us when she is not going to university. Now that she is finished university she will be looking for a teaching position in the New Year.

    She probably won't be able to find full time work right away but will have to do fill in work for other teachers who are out ill until she finds a full time job. Our school seasons run from September until June and then the children are off school for 2 months during the heat of our summer in July and August.

    My husband likes my homemade pies too.

    Winter here is long as we have snow and ice from November right through until April or May. We heat our house with a wood stove as we live in the country and have our own woodlot. Most people here in Canada don't do that anymore as they don't have access to fire wood. So they have furnaces to heat their houses.

    I live the wood heat as it is very warm, but it keeps me busy keeping the fire going.

    Let me see, you asked what I would like to know about South Africia. Hummm.... does everything count? LOL I am a very curious, friendly person!

    What sort of books do you like to read? Movies?

    I see our birthdays are close together.

    Tell me about your pets and your kids and your hubby. Tell me about the weather, what your home is like..... I am very interested.

    Oh I posted a new picture in my profile for you. The photo is of my husband on his ATV (All Terrian Vehicle) pushing the snow off our long country laneway.

    My emoticon beside this post has a winter hat on his head. In Canada we call this king of hat a toque.

    Oh I would also love to find out what time zone you are in. So maybe we can meet in the future in live chat!

    hugs Redwillow

  10. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    You betcha I know how you feel - although I'm all by myself 24/7. I was getting so depressed that I decided to volunteer at the local animal shelter.

    There are a lot of frustrations and my energy isn't reliable but animals take you as you are. I don't know if it would work for you but it's a God-send for me.


  11. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    I am glad the animal shelter is working out for you. I would love to do that if there was one closer to me.

    I have been volunteering a little bit at our local library. Just working at the check out desk and shelving a few books. I find it very tiring but it is nice to talk to others. I don't know if I will be able to keep it up though as I am extremely tired afterwards....

    hugs Redwillow
  12. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I wondered how the library was working for you and if you were still going. I'd love to be surrounded by books.

    I don't know if the shelter is working out for me or not. lol Sometimes, most times, I come home from two hours there and have to go right to bed. But it beats thinking of myself all the time and stressing. This way at least I KNOW what's stressing me!

    There seems to be no perfect world. Those with many people in their lives wish for fewer or none. Those with none would give a lot for even one. I think we need to realize that blessings come to us all in different ways and learn to look for them.

    Pollyanna AKA ;>)
  13. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    Hi just read your post. I will reply in the morning as I am exhausted. Just been shopping and took my mom home. She spent the weekend here

    Till tomorrow. Take care

    Hugs Mela
  14. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Hi Mela

    Sorry you are so exhausted. I am too. Write me when you feel able.

    We went to my husband's Christmas party last night at a very nice hotel. Had dinner, I even danced a little though I knew I would pay big time. (I used to love to dance all night!)

    Then we all stayed over at the hotel for the night and have a buffet breakfast before coming home. The beds were very comfortable but my body hurt so bad that I don't think I really slept at all. Was too overtired and heard every little noise.

    It is lovely to get out and see people for a change but I find it so exhausting and don't sleep well at all in a strange place.

    Tomorrow is my trip to see my rheumatologist. It will be another long day for me as it is a two hour drive to see this doctor. Fortunately my husband has arranged to take the day off to take me there and since it is also his birthday we will probably have supper out.

    I will tell you more about that when I get back after I have had to chance to sleep.

    hugs Marion (Redwillow)

  15. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    I am glad that we are all reaching out to one another. There are so many of us who feel very lonely even if technically we are not alone.

    It is really heartwarming to know there is someone who needs your friendship as much as you need there's. Having these DD makes socializing very difficult and at least here we have no set time or pressure.

    Just knowing someone is there is such a great feeling. Being accepted as I am also helps.

    For all of those who feel lonely and in need of a friend Please feel free to join in and make yourself at home.

    Hugs Mela
  16. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    Hi Marion. I hope all goes well at the rheumatologist. Thanks heavens for our husbands to help get us around.

    I am glad to hear you enjoyed the evening and danced, I also used to love dancing although my hubby has 2 left feet. LOL. I have a theory, we have so little real pleasure so when there is the opportunity to enjoy myself I make the most of it, even though I know I will have to pay for my pleasure.

    Hubby helped me and we have worked out that you are 7 hours behind us. When you are up to it we can arrange a time to chat and exchange e-mail addresses. I am really looking forward to that.

    We live near town I can see the mountains when I sit in my lounge, it is lovely. The beach is 5 minutes away by car and 20 minutes on foot then again it depends how fast one walks. LoL The shopping centre is also about 5 minutes away by car.

    The weather here is hot dry summers and wet winters. We don't often get snow and it doesn't get anywhere near as cold here as it does where you live.

    I have been married for 21 years and its like red wine it gets better with every year. My hubby is really one in a million. I have always been very sickly and he has stood by me through thick and thin. He does photography as a hobby, I keep telling him he is brilliant at it and could easily be making himself some extra cash. As I said before he is a computer programmer.

    My boys are both really good kids, I am really lucky.

    I love reading biographies I feel it helps me appreciate that I have and reminds me it could be so much worse. I enjoy Kathy Reich, Karen Slaughter, Diane Palmer, Marian Keyes, Jean M. Auel, Michael Palmer to name but a few authors.

    As for movies I love dance movies and the usual tissue box shows, I also love animal shows.

    I have 2 dogs a Maltese male named Snowy my baby and the other one is a Labrador cross she is a real sweety. She is a remarkable dog as she ran into a wall as a pup and damaged a major nerve on the left side of her head, she had seizures for 24 hours. We took her to the vet and he said she was blind in the eye and her face was paralyzed on that side. He also told us if she could not adjust she would have to be put down but she copes perfectly people don't notice anything unless we tell them. She is extremely clever and very entertaining. We have a pool and she loves to dive in when its hot.

    I also have 2 cats. A female and a male The females name is Jessica and she is the males granny he is ginger and his name is Chester. His mother unfortunately died not long after we moved down her. I adore my animals I have always loved animals and have always had pets especially being deaf they are my ears.

    Our house is a 3 bedroom modern brick house. It has nice spacious rooms with carpets in the bedrooms and the rest is tiled. It helps keep the house cool in summer. We have a fairly big garden. I used to love gardening but with my hip replacements I cant manage that any more so we have a garden service that come every 2 weeks to mow the lawn and clean the beds. If I want anything planted in the garden I give it to them to do.As I said we have a pool which is great for when it gets terribly hot. Our hottest months are January and February.

    It is very hot today and unfortunately the heat saps all my energy. In summer the heat is too much and winter the damp affects my bionics (hip and knee replacement) LOL Feel like the tin man from the Wizard of Oz.

    Oh well I think this is long enough so I will sign off now.
    I look forward to hearing from you and hope you will also tell me about your family and the things you like.

    Take care
    Hugs Mela
  17. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Hi Mela

    Thanks for the lovely long letter. I am feeling really tired physically and emotionally from my trip to the rheumatologist on Monday. I did a lot of crying yesterday.

    I changed my photo in my profile so you can see another picture of snow! This was taken from the deck off my kitchen last winter. I love the snow when it is clean and fresh and no one has walked through it and messed it up!

    Let me know what you want to see and I will try and post it for you.

    I will write a longer letter soon.

    hugs Marion (Redwillow)
  18. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    Hi Marion sorry to hear you are so tired and distressed.Having these DD and all the extra complications does tend to get overwhelming from time to time.

    I posted you this morning under the FM board. I how that you manage to get sorted out soon.

    I love the photo's of the snow it looks so beautiful and peaceful. How about a photo of you it always is nicer having a face with a name. I will ask my husband to show me how to put photo's on and then I will put one of me on my profile.

    When you are feeling better we can make a plan to exchange
    e- mail addresses.

    Until I hear from you take care and God Bless
    Hugs Mela
  19. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    I am feeling a lot better this afternoon. Nothing like being in your own quiet home to recover.

    I got some Christmas cards addresses and ready to mail. I am late getting them out this year so they will be late arriving but I am not going to worry.

    I will put my photo up if you will put up yours. See my profile for a terrible self portrait. I hate having my photo taken. I almost always have my eyes closed!

    Once we share email addresses I will be happy to send you all kinds of photos. I have a lot on my computer that I shared with my daughter while she was away.

    As for meeting you on line. I would love too. I have to do the time calculations. I am usually on a lot during my daytime so I am pretty flexible. I checked the time zones and I think your husband is right you are about 7 hours ahead of me.

    So right now while I am typing it is 6:16 pm and we have just finished out supper and it would be 1:16 am for you so I hope you are sleeping right now.

    I am thinking the best time for me to chat with you would be about 9 or 10 am for me and that would be 4 or 5 pm for you. Do either of those times work for you? If so we could meet in Live Chat then and share addresses.

    hugs Marion

    [This Message was Edited on 12/13/2006]
  20. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    Hi Marion glad you are feeling better. Anytime that suits you will work for me if just tell me when I will be waiting. I really am so looking forward to it like a big kid LOL.

    As for photo's its a sure thing.

    It is terribly hot,humid and overcast today.

    I have a little verse I would like to share with you I am sure you will appreciate it I am going to put it on the chit chat board as well.

    There's a ripple effect
    in all that we do,
    what you do touches me
    what I do touches you.

    Hugs Mela