all they care about is "You better not lose your job"

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by judywhit, Mar 8, 2003.

  1. judywhit

    judywhit New Member

    I have been laid up now for two days due to a fibro knot that in my leg. Went to the doc and he called the hospital and set up an appt for that day to do a vascular ultrasound. He wanted to rule out a blood clot. So anyway I had to miss work that day due to the appt. Then on friday I also missed because my leg hurt sooooo bad and doc said to keep it elevated and put heat on it. My parents called and they think I am such a slacker! All they care about is that I do not lose my job! I am so sick and tired and now I am hobbling around like a cripple in pain. I am tired of expectations from others that I cannot meet!!!! It's not like I have ever borrowed money from them. In fact I have been a stay at home Mom for years and this is my first job out of the house. The extra money is nice but really not needed. Why are people so wierd!!!
  2. RedB

    RedB New Member

    Hi Judy, From this and your previous posts I get the idea that your parents care very much for you -- they call you to check in quite often, apparently. But, for some reason, they seem to continue to say all the wrong words. I have a feeling they just are worried about you and screw up the words very often. Sorry that they hurt your feelings so much.

    I also wonder if, whether you realize it or not, your job may be stressful to your body. Since you were a stay-at-home mom for so long, your system just may not be comfortable at work. You may be getting extra pain for just that reason. I know that even when I absolutely love a job it seems to be stressful to my body. Just talking to people a lot during the day seems stressful to me.

    Hopefully, the pain in your leg will ease up. Good luck.

  3. JannyW

    JannyW New Member

    >>>My parents called and they think I am such a slacker! All they care about is that I do not lose my job!<<<

    Oh sweetie, I can definitely relate! I am 52 yrs old, divorced and live 450 miles from my mother, and she STILL tries to run the show!! Even tho I was sick most of the time she was here last August, she asks when I will be able to go back to work. Even tho I've applied for SSD, she still think sI should be working. She has now decided to sell my house, basically putting me on the street. Wondering if she thinks this will force me to go back to work ... so strange!

    Jan ^v^
  4. judywhit

    judywhit New Member

    you are right I think I do not feel comfortable in the working world. My family is/was my work. Thanks for letting me vent. I needed it.
  5. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hi Judy~~The problem with having gone back to work is that now your parents believe you are capable of working, but apparently feel that you are purposely using your ailments to get out of working and are delibertly missing work in order to lose your job. And either they think that your family needs this extra income, or they believe that getting out in the world is better for you emotionally and psychologically than staying at home. Like the post above said, your parents obviously love and care for you, but are trying to make choices for you and are using their own yard stick to measure what is best for you.

    Since you said the income was not necessary, and you have always been a homemaking working Mother and wife, perhaps that is where you feel most comfortable and are happiest. Taking care of a home, being a wife, and raising children is a full time job and a very noble profession in itself.

    What made you decide to get a job if you didn't really need the extra money while also having health problems? Had you become bored, restless, feeling shut-in, isolated, depressed--what? If it is any of these reasons, or you just felt like you wanted to do more with your life--perhaps instead of working a regular job, you can donate your time 'whenever you feel like it' to charitable organizations, community service, or volunteer work. Something that will get you out of the house with a change of pace and give you a sense of contribution or accomplishment without obligating yourself to the demands and schedule of a regular job. And there is no stress or pressure on you to perform on days that you don't feel well, have other things you want or need to do, and can volunteer or participate whenever YOU feel like it.

    Perhaps your getting a job meant to your parents that you were getting healthier, and they were relieved that this meant you had recovered, and it eased their minds from worry about your health. Maybe their fear of your losing your job has more to do with bringing back their fears & concern that you are not well after all.

    But the bottom line is this is YOUR life and YOUR body, and you need to do whatever makes you feel comfortable, happy, and content. If the outside working world is not for you, and you don't need the money and don't have to do it--then don't. There comes a time when we stop living up to our parent's expectations or anyone else's for that matter.

    Do what is best for you and be happy. Parents know where our guilt button is by some magic radar--I know my Mother does, but I've learned to let her have her say, tell her I love her, and do what I want. I'm 53 and too old to live up to anyone else's expectations or to be manipulated by my Mother's tremendous ability to try and make me feel guilty if I am not doing what she wants me to--and I live 1500 miles from her, and she tries to live my life. I don't even have expectations for myself anymore--I prefer inspiration and just going with the flow. The fact that I don't feel well and HAVE to work is enough demands on me and my body.

    So do what makes you happy judywhit and things will work out just fine. Blessings to you, Carol...