Alone again with my dogs

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by fallenstar1962, Sep 23, 2009.

  1. fallenstar1962

    fallenstar1962 New Member

    Hi all..been a very long time for me to post. I have kept up with the board weekly. I just needed to talk to somebody..

    My family has been after me to use a cane or any other device to help me walk on the "bad days". Anyway..after giving it much thought I agreed to use the cane. I went to see my doctor as I was unable to walk without help (meds not working).

    Ugh to make a long story future husband I had been with for 8 years said we needed to part. This happened within a week of me using the cane...

    I'm shocked, confused and angry.. I stood by him for 2 1/2 years as he too has medical conditions. We had not made love in that time..and..I never complained. He has bowel issues and is not always matter. I'm just feeling so alone and scared..though I do have my two dogs. To make matters worse he moved into the town I have lived in since the age of 18 (he is not from around here). I also own a business in this town and own my home just a few miles away. I just needed to vent..thank you for reading. ~soft hugs~

  2. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    I am so sorry, don't know what to say. Perhaps it's good he remained your future husband as does not sound like he would have been a good real one.

    I don't really have any words of wisdom, am just very sorry you have to go through this.

    Take care -

  3. fallenstar1962

    fallenstar1962 New Member

    I have to agree with you..just trying to get over him not coming home. Been a tough 3 months for best friend sister became a paraplegic..and the break up. The night after he said he was leaving, the hospital called to say my sister is on life support and was not expected to make the night. All that being said she was on life support for 11 days but is now on the road to recovery.

    Today was a down day..and my small dog became very ill. Ugh..I know it has to get better and this too shall pass. I could go on and on but it's not use..have to look forward.

    I want to thank you for taking the time to offer support..hope your having a good day.

  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    To hear about all this. I know what you mean in my own way. I am 90 persent of the time with just my American Bulldog, who is 110lbs and a tiny little girl 10lbs. I know how you feel, believe me I do! But the dogs give unconditional love, and are very grateful when you help them!

    I have different circumstances, but same results.

    Try to stay calm, and do not get sicker. When God closes a door, He always opens a window for us.

    So very glad to hear your sister is doing well dear lady. I sure hope you little dog is doing fine as well.Take good, good, care of yourself, and vent all you want!

    Shalom, Shirl
  5. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    oh - that is a very tough 3 months. I'm so sorry about your friend, and am glad your sister is on the road to recovery.

    I wanted to tell you that you're not alone. My marriage of over 20 years broke up some 6 years ago, in part due to my illness. We had problems before I got sick, but me getting sick was the icing on the cake. He could never accept that the CFS was real. I was the one who left him. It was very hard, but I am so glad I did it. The stress of being with someone who basically didn't respect me, didn't believe me, was not worth it.

    I live with my cat - she's very beautiful, pure black with gold green eyes.

    I hope your dog is doing better!

  6. fallenstar1962

    fallenstar1962 New Member

    You too are so very right about our dog loves me no matter what I wear or walk with on bad days. I spent most of the night keeping a close eye on him and rubbing his stomach..poor little guy. So far no luck with the medication..fingers crossed.

    Very sorry to hear you also have turmoil in your life..I hope all goes well for you. I try and give thanks for the things I do have in my life when all is looking so sad. I have many blessings in my life and that is where I have to focus my thoughts. Good luck to you..I tell my self it can't get any worse.

    My sister called me a couple of days ago..I was crying though the entire call. My sister does not remember all the surgery's or ICU..thankfully..but she thinks I'm being "to emotional". I had to laugh and explain all she had been through as the rest of the family was hiding it from her. In the end we laughed and cried together and both agree life sill go on..together. Funny thing was she worried about me..yikes..thank goodness for the little blessings of sister love.

    Thank you so much for your means alot to come here when I'm down to find the support this board/people offer. ~soft hugs~ Please take care of you...
  7. fallenstar1962

    fallenstar1962 New Member

    Thank you..yes it has been a tough few has to be uphill from here..right?

    So sorry to hear your marriage broke down too..20 years is a very long time. It's funny..we think we know our pardners to discover we were the foundation of the relationship. I can not imagine how hard it is for your life mate to not believe in your sorry. My guy did believe in all my ones added weekly it seems.But he could not cope with the canes, mood swings and me being as sick or worse then himself. If he was sick I still drug myself out of bed to care for him..bad mistake on my part. That being said it's who I am..

    Oh my.. your cat sounds so beautiful..I bet she is full of love.

    Again may thanks..I am feeling a bit better today..take each day as it comes. Hope your having a good day too..take care.

  8. jole

    jole Member

    I can tell by your post that you sound better today, and I pray it continues for you. Yes, you certainly have had your troubles lately, but a great blessing also. Your relationship with your sister sounds really beautiful, and with her difficulties also I'll bet you two can be fantastic listeners for each other.

    My sis and I are that way. Whenever one of us is down the other can make things seem better. I'm so happy your sis is doing well enough for you to visit with.

    As far as your man, I'm lucky enough to have a good hubby, but I'd rather be alone than to have one that didn't care. I know once you get over the part of being alone it will be better for you also. Losing someone is always painful, but time does heal, and if you have faith, God will carry you through the rough spots. He's always there for us with his compassion, comfort, and love.

    Hope to hear from you again and find out that things are going well for you. Will be praying that you find peace, and your doggy gets better.........Jole
  9. hannahfaid

    hannahfaid New Member

    are you living my life??? My BF has issues also I have FM.. He hasnt

    touched me in 5 months, which now makes me unattractive, unloved and
    unwanted... part of the reason we are pretty much moving on

    Its breaking my heart He survived cancer twice, then had a

    motorcycle accident, can't do his 17/hour pipefitter job.. So hes working

    at 3 bars.. He has 2 nights off. Tuesday he goes to a class and Friday he

    goes out with his friends.. I dont get a night.. Gave him an ultimatum

    he doesnt want to change his schedule..

    so, I have my boys (american eskimo and my pom -eskimo mix Rocky

    and Bear and my cat sable... They sure make me feel better.. They love

    me so mch.. I have two men in bed Rocky and Bear and kitty.. BF

    sleeps in another the unconditional love I get from them is

    what I have thank god for puppies!!!!
    By the way, I am in a new town for the last year and a have and dont even have anyone close enough yet.. so I feel very alone
    [This Message was Edited on 09/26/2009]
  10. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Your pups sleep with you too?? I didn't mention that, most people think I am a 'nutcase' having my Big Girl sleeping with me! My American Bulldog is the best back warmer for FM there is :), she is as long as I am tall, and keeps my poor sore back nice and warm without a heating pad!

    Your two American Eskimo's must be sooo confortable! My girl is short haired, but still warm...

    Good for you, you have company in bed too...............

    Shalom, Shirl
  11. fallenstar1962

    fallenstar1962 New Member

    I'm sorry to hear your life sounds so much like mine. It's a hard thing to support the other half then watch them walk away when you need them the most.

    Yes thank goodness for our pets..they will always stand by us no matter what we do. I too sleep with my dog other dog (Willow) is an outside dog.

    Ugh a new town as wonder you feel so alone. Just keep reaching out..I believe someone will show you kindness. I find many people are afraid to meet new people..most times they are just shy. Good luck to you..chin up. ~soft hugs~

    P.S. Everyone here is with you as well..your not alone.
  12. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I'm so sorry to hear that your husband walked out on you. I use a cane too and it helps a great deal. I take it every time I leave the house now and it really cuts down on the pain while I'm out and the post exertional pain that lasts for days after as well.

    You sound very strong and I'm glad you have your loving dogs and your sweet sister to give support to you. This is a very difficult ordeal you're going through and I hope brighter days are ahead for you.

  13. fallenstar1962

    fallenstar1962 New Member

    Sorry my reply is long over due, I have been so busy trying to put my life back together.

    Yes using a cane very much did help me as well. I have to admit I am scared to death to use it again. I just knew he was embarrassed walking with me that day ( he walked behind me).

    I try to be strong..and most times I am the glue that holds family and friends together. But that being said I don't feel very strong right now.

    My sister is doing so much better and managed to help move herself to her wheelchair!! I'm so happy for this blessing.

    Hope your having an okay day Tee..thank you for writing. ~soft hugs~

  14. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    It's nice to hear from you and you never have to apologize for taking a long time to reply. We get it here! ;)

    Please don't be afraid to use your cane. Be proud that you are taking a step to help yourself. I'm sorry your husband has issues with it but that's really his problem. Maybe one of the reasons you're in his life is to teach him to be more accepting of the needs of others.

    I can tell that you are a very strong person and I know just what you mean about feeling weak. I do all the time too and I know it's these illnesses that cause that.

    I study Buddhism and one of my favorite Buddhist concepts is that we are not our bodies. I find it very freeing to contemplate that. It's a shame we have to be stuck in them when they're dysfunctional though but that doesn't make us any less lovable.

  15. hensue

    hensue New Member

    i want to do something constuctive so bad. Also to make money
    Take care

  16. hensue

    hensue New Member

    His name is Leon and he is a Jack russell not the kind you think. Very docile and smart not hyper. Do not get me wrong he does like to run but I think he has mutt in him his ears are long.
    Sweet as he can be, my husband got him for himself when he travels I dont think so.

    He stays home with his mama
  17. shelby11

    shelby11 New Member

    Hi, I'm Meme I feel for U. I am told to use canes and ride in carts in stores, but, i put it off not wanting to embarass my husband, but he tells me to now, He is so supportive. This is when u know u have a good one. I know that if i had married a couple of others i thought about, they wouldn't be here for me. They are all into themselves. I guess he figured u couldn't take care of HIM anymore when he saw the cane. Walk proud, be proud, in your town and Your business. Show him you don't need him if he should show up somewhere. Be proud u have been able to do these things for YOURSELF! Good Luck. meme
  18. fallenstar1962

    fallenstar1962 New Member

    My business is very busy and I'm in way over my head now. ~laughing a little~ I have 10 employee's at all times and I can tell you it's not a fibro friendly business.

    I have several things on the go at once..I own the building as well. I have pizza's, subs, wraps, hot dogs etc etc...then there is the ice cream end of things..then the movies..over 9000.. and if that's not enough there is also a Sears depot (deep breath)..see I warned ya.

    I no longer work within the "customer area" of my business. Most of the work I do now is employee relations, payroll, book keeping, ordering and keeping things together. I have to admit without my asst. manager or the awesome staff I would be in serious trouble. All that being said I'm lucky if I get there weekly..most is covered with phone or computer and fax.

    Honestly Hensue..why don't you look into Christmas etc? It would keep you busy and offer you extra income at a table at a market. One other idea..if you have access to a yard add a makeshift greenhouse..start plants for spring..quick way to make some extra cash at the market as well. Hope this helps a little..I know how limited we are..crafts can be picked up at any time.

    Have a good evening..take care ~soft hugs~

  19. fallenstar1962

    fallenstar1962 New Member

    Yes my dog is doing so much better..thank you for asking. I know your dogs have supported me from day one..and they are the only one's still here. I am spending all my time with the dogs now..and once again your right..I'm feeling better at times. I still have my good and bad days but at least no one is yelling in my face any longer.

    I know deep down " everything for a reason "..just hard to see it right now..ya know? I can tell you I no longer miss him..I have found an inner calm I have not known in many years.

    Wow..thank you for sharing your story with touched me deeply. Your dogs are very lucky to have you in their lives..bravo to you for the rescue!! I have the greatest respect for elders and animals..thank you for being there for the elders and still today for the dog. I hope all went well at the vet's..~fingers crossed~.

    Take care..~soft hugs~

  20. fallenstar1962

    fallenstar1962 New Member

    Awe...thank you for your support on the cane issue. You know..I never thought about it that way? That I could no longer be there to care for right!! It's so true.. it's always been about him and his illness the past couple of years..yikes!! As crazy as this sounds..he did tell me to use the matter..he is no longer an issue in my life.

    I know your right..I have to go into town and stand my ground soon. I have been living a hermits life since we parted..I did not want to see him. My staff have informed me he is in my store "more now then when he was with you"..crazy. I also have tables and chairs for customers to from what I hear he eats there a lot. I have to pass that area to get to my office.. oh well time to suck it up and remind him of who I used to be.

    I promise I will get to town before next weekend and reclaim my ground. He can kiss my petunias!! Thank you so much for the pep talk..I really needed help to find my strength.. and something you said hit that nerve..THANK YOU!! Take care of you..~soft hugs~