Alone and FMS?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by SusanEU, Feb 11, 2006.

  1. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    I was wondering how others living alone deal with this. Sometimes I'm kinda jealous of those who have spouses to help them out. But then I realize it would be worse to have one who didn't understand!

    Then I get those moments of "no one will want me now that I'm sick..." Anyhow, how am I going to meet people when I don't feel well everytime I try to leave the house?

    Any tips for living alone?

    Sue in Ontario



    [This Message was Edited on 02/11/2006]
  2. Anitamj

    Anitamj New Member

    You know I have a husband and 2 kids (11 and 6)and sometimes I still feel very alone. My husband tries his best to understand but sometimes it's very difficult for him too. This is why I come to this website. Even though I can't see the people personally, I know that when I tell them I'm having a bad day, they really DO understand because they have all gone thru the same thing. I'm fairly new here myself, only one week, but I find just being able to vent, joke around or talk about nothing at all helps me to deal with things. I'm also trying a support group at the end of this month and hope that I will find them an uplifting group and not a bunch of whiners. I'll make the best of it though. Good luck to you Susan and you'll find you will make web friends here.

    Take care and I KNOW how you feel,

    Anita from Alberta
  3. pamsue

    pamsue New Member

    Hi SusanEU,

    I am sorry you are feeling lonely. You are right, it is hard to deal with this dd and even harder when you are down, lonely or just want to be able to do something and can't.

    I am married and I found him when I was 44, he was a high school sweet heart. We are very glad to be together because for years before I met him again I was very lonely.

    I try to keep myself as active as possible and I try to set limits to the things I do so I am not upset if I can not do something longer. I try to do reading and research. I have a dog that keeps me busy too. It is nice having a furry companion, I don't know if you would like that or not, just a suggestion.

    Don't worry about not being appealing to someone. If you meet someone and they are a good person they will understand and be glad for the companionship and remember, before they met you they were probably lonely too, so you would be helping them as much as they would you.

    So I don't know if any of my rambling made sense, but I would just try to take one day at a time, that is what I did. I met my husband on line through the classmates site and we started talking and that was it, the same thing could happen to you when you least expect it.

    I hope I have helped a little.

    Take care
    Hugs,
    pamsue
  4. marw

    marw New Member

    Ys, I am alone with it, and know just what you mean. It sounds like I might be a bit older, however, so maybe I got more used to the alone part even before FM.

    The hard part for me is not being able to do all the things I used to do for myself...like the shopping, vacuuming,etc. I have had to enlist a lot of help. I don't have money to pay for a lot of services, so I just have to swallow my pride and ask for help. For the vacuuming, and/or shoveling snow, I pay a small sum to the BF of a friend and he does it. If I am having a Flare or just not feeling well, I have groceries delivered. I'm still....thank goodness...able to walk the dog myself.

    About going out....it is very important not to become isolated. There is some good Reading material about this, and a lot of other stuff about relationships written by a women named Deborah Barrett. I think you can find it on this web site. If not I'll get it for you later, and post it.

    It is best to accept invitations that you really want to do, and say no to ones that you don't care as much about.
    I used to get so tired I could not enjoy myself, but I started to tell people that I would have to rest or leave early, and most people understand this. Another helpful thing was to double my Pain med when I am planning to go somewhere, but then do not drink.

    I sympathize entirely with the "jealous" feeling, but then it would be even worse if we lived with someone who didn't understand.

    I'll be interested to see your other replies, also. Thanks for posting this.

    Margaret

    P.S. Here is the page for Deborah Barret's material on handling FM. I thought it was really good....and you don't need to do pain-tracking, unless, you want to....it's the other stuff that is so good, esp. about relationships.

    http://www.paintracking.com/index.html
    [This Message was Edited on 02/11/2006]
  5. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    I can't tell you how much better I feel reading your posts. It really makes me feel that I'm not so alone.

    I guess I was just having a pity party today. I had a couple of really good days this week, and today just hit a wall.

    That reminds me I haven't checked the classmates site for a while, that is so much fun catching up with old friends.

    Thanks again and I realize that I have to push myself to get out more.


    Sue in Ontario
  6. suexi

    suexi New Member

    Well I don't exactly live alone. My son is here. He just moved back and may move out again soon. So I do not count on him for much. I feel EXACTLY the same as you. I feel overwhelmed alot with all the things I have to do. One thing that has been a godsent is Meals on Wheels. I just started it 2 weeks ago. I feel I will have more time to work on myself.
    Another thing I have been doing lately is I get on Myspace and converse with 'normals'. It's a fun thing to do but I don't let anyone know right off the bat that I am sick. (That's just me). I'm really not TRYING to meet anyone but if it happens... Sometimes it is depressing because they will ask me out and most of the time I can't go. But at least it's a cool place to communicate with people.
    There is also groups; I'm on the cfs one.
    Hope this helps
    Love,
    Susan
  7. Jgavi

    Jgavi New Member

    WOW-

    I HAVE BEEN ON THIS SITE FOR MANY YEARS AND NEVER SAW A POST LIKE THIS...XCLNT POST!

    I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE WITH MY SICKNESS...SOME PEOPLE NEED OTHERS AROUND FOR SUPPORT- I DONT. HARD TO FIND A PERSON WHO CAN SUPPORT YOU AND THIS CRAZY PAIN...AND IF YOU DO HAVE A PERSON WHO IS HANGING IN THERE I WOULD HUG THEM AND LOVE THEM EVERY SECOND! A CARE GIVER THEY ARE.


    I HAVE LIVED WITH TWO PEOPLE FOR A SHORT TIME BUT THEY NEEDED A PLACE TO STAY FOR A FEW MONTHS....I FELT GOOD HELPING THEM OUT BUT EVEN THEY KNEW MY CONDITION AND LIFE STYLE SO IT WAS EASIER FOR BOTH OF US TO LIVE TOGETHER FOR A FEW MONTHS... STILL THERE WERE DAYS THEY WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE "LETS GO SWIMMING AND THAN TO DINNER AND TO THE CLUB TONIGHT!"...THEY WOULD FORGET I WASNT ABLE TO DO ALL THAT- "WELL YOU LOOK AND ACT OK" IS THE SYNDROME WE ALL GET...PEOPLE JUST DONT "GET IT" OR THEY "FORGET IT"....I TOOK IT AS A NICE JESTER SINCE THEY TREATED ME LIKE A PERSON BUT AFTER AWHILE I COULD SEE THAT DIDNT LIKE TO HEAR THE WORD "NO, THANKS" SO MUCH...PEOPLE HATE TO HEAR "NO" TO MUCH....
    I DONT GET JEALOUS....BUT IF I COULD HAVE SOMEONE WHO WAS 100 PERCENT SUPPORTIVE WAS ABLE TO "GET IT" I WOULDNT MIND HAVEN A ROOMMATE....BUT DOCTORS DONT "GET IT" SO HOW CAN I EXPECT A REGULAR PERSON TO "GET IT"! AND DEAL WITH MY FRIEND CALLED "CHRONIC PAIN"!!..THREES A CROWD, ESPECILLY WHEN ITS A "PAIN"...., IT JUST ISNT GOING TO HAPPEN...MY HEART ACHES WHEN I SEE PEOPLE DIVORCE OVER THIS DISEASE!

    I WAS SINGLE FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS BEFORE I GOT SICK- AND GLAD I WAS, I WOULDNT WANT MY FUTURE SPOUSE WOULD OF BEEN STUCK WITH ME.....SO IT IS A GOOD THING FOR ME BEING ALONE...IF I WANT COMPANY I CAN CALL SOMEONE....

    JGAVI

  8. rbecca47

    rbecca47 New Member

    i don't have a spouse but i have my kids, boys are 25 and23. they come by everyday to see if i need anything, i also have an ten yr old. she is good to me and for me. but there are times when they are all gone and i wish i had a spouse. i want to meet someone, but feeling that know one would want me, being sick. so i dream of a dreamy man that will rescue me. LOL but the knight in shining armor is out there and will some day be on my door step. love to dream.
    but i know in reality i may spend the rest of my days without a spouse. and i guess that might be ok. just hang in there and some day you might meet someone that is just right for you.
    becca
  9. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Before I met my husband, I prayed that he would come into my life. It was back in 1990 and I was recently divorced.

    Even if you are sick, that does not mean you cannot meet someone, but you need to be open to it. Really think about it. Before I met my husband I said all I wanted was for someone to truly love me, and that I could love.

    Trust me, no one would have set up my husband and me. He is from Japan, very sweet person. The first night I met him I said to myself, "oh my gosh, this is the man I am going to marry"????? I just knew it.

    None of us are perfect, and no one is 100% healthy so don't let that bother you... Have you ever looked at the website "harmony" for matchmaking? - I think if they have a good thing going because they really screen the matches.

    So, my thought is, you don't have to live alone unless that is what you want. Don't assume no one would understand. There are alot of people in this world, keep your eyes open for that special person.

    As far as tips on living alone, do you mean you are lonely?



  10. AngieSW

    AngieSW New Member

    To Sue and all those who are alone,
    To be honest, I am glad I am single. I have had a real bad day today and I can't even go to sleep to get the much needed rest tonight. I am all wired for some reason and hurting all over. When I feel like this, how could I possibly be a good partner for someone. On days like this it's hard enough to just take care of me.
    I got divorced 3 years ago. My husband did not have a clue how bad I felt sometimes. He was very demanding, especially concerning my "wifely duty" and meeting his needs. It was so stressful and NO FUN. I hardly had any "good" days during my marriage to him. At least now I have periods of feeling quite well; Thank God, I can just be myself and go with the flow.
    I do have a 16 year old son. He is and has been very low maintenance. He's a really good kid. He does the vacuuming for me most of the time and helps out when I need him to. I still have a full-time job. Sometimes I would rather stay home; being the sole bread winner in my household, I thankfully seem to be able to push myself to do it. I happen to enjoy my job and mostly work on my own with very little customer contact.
    I do isolate a lot just to regain my composure. Too many people, too much chatter wears me out. I study/research at home and keep my brain engaged as much as I am able to.
    What I am trying to say, take care of yourself. It's better to be alone than being in a very unhappy situation.