Alot to talk about!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jpswife_4boys, Oct 26, 2002.

  1. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    I had a med. follow up with my doctor Thursday. We had alot to talk about. He had just recently put me on desipramine which use to be given out only for depression but he said that it was found to relieve chronic pain in people with fibromyalgia. The down fall though is weight gain. Yikes!! Between my celexa and the desipramine I have gained almost 25 lbs. since May. (boo hoo) After discussing my concerns about this he cut me back on the desipramine to half of what I was taking. (Yeah!!!) He's concerned with my "mental" state. I'm in the mourning phase of accepting that I have FM. My dr. aksed me about my
    home life. I told him how I had to cut my work down probably 90%. I explained how my husband goes to work with me on the mondays I have to work. (I clean houses) My dr. then asked what else does your husband do to help. I explained that he works 7 days a week. My dr. said I'm not asking you how much or how hard your husband works, I'm asking you what changes in your home has your husband changed to help you. For the first time I was speachless. (and if you know me that's next to impossible lol) My dr. seemed to be ill at my husband for not making changes in our home to help me out more. It actually made me "sneaker" a little bit. I thought I was the inconsiderate one expecting too much from my hubby. I was glad to hear that I'm not the inconsiderate one! :) My hubby called me and asked what did my dr. have to say. I told him he put me on a new med for restless leg syndrome. His only response was "you've got another syndrome." Not the response I was expecting or wanting to hear. I'm so tired of having to explain that the things I'm going through is just all part of the DD. When my hubby or others ask me how I am I just say fine. My mother of course is the only one who says "you're not fooling me I can tell you're not fine." God bless my mom! I try to play it off sometimes though so as not to make her worry. (she and I both are neurotic) Now how do I tell my husband that my doctor wants him to make more changes in his life, our home and family to adjust with out hurting his feelings or making him mad.

    Crissie
  2. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    I had a med. follow up with my doctor Thursday. We had alot to talk about. He had just recently put me on desipramine which use to be given out only for depression but he said that it was found to relieve chronic pain in people with fibromyalgia. The down fall though is weight gain. Yikes!! Between my celexa and the desipramine I have gained almost 25 lbs. since May. (boo hoo) After discussing my concerns about this he cut me back on the desipramine to half of what I was taking. (Yeah!!!) He's concerned with my "mental" state. I'm in the mourning phase of accepting that I have FM. My dr. aksed me about my
    home life. I told him how I had to cut my work down probably 90%. I explained how my husband goes to work with me on the mondays I have to work. (I clean houses) My dr. then asked what else does your husband do to help. I explained that he works 7 days a week. My dr. said I'm not asking you how much or how hard your husband works, I'm asking you what changes in your home has your husband changed to help you. For the first time I was speachless. (and if you know me that's next to impossible lol) My dr. seemed to be ill at my husband for not making changes in our home to help me out more. It actually made me "sneaker" a little bit. I thought I was the inconsiderate one expecting too much from my hubby. I was glad to hear that I'm not the inconsiderate one! :) My hubby called me and asked what did my dr. have to say. I told him he put me on a new med for restless leg syndrome. His only response was "you've got another syndrome." Not the response I was expecting or wanting to hear. I'm so tired of having to explain that the things I'm going through is just all part of the DD. When my hubby or others ask me how I am I just say fine. My mother of course is the only one who says "you're not fooling me I can tell you're not fine." God bless my mom! I try to play it off sometimes though so as not to make her worry. (she and I both are neurotic) Now how do I tell my husband that my doctor wants him to make more changes in his life, our home and family to adjust with out hurting his feelings or making him mad.

    Crissie
  3. Fibrobeachbum

    Fibrobeachbum New Member

    Strike one up for the doc. Thats great for the doc to bring it to your attention. I myself have a wonderfull hubby that does the cooking and housework and lets me sleep. With this DD you just do not have the energy. I am glad you have your mom for support at least that helps. Hugs to you.
    Ann
  4. fibolady

    fibolady New Member

    before it turns into a nightmare that i am going through right now. i have been married for 23 years and the fms has ended it all, plain and simple.

    your doctor is so compassionate, the question about what changes has your husband made to help you out, sure hit home. my spouse made none. well, golle he hired a housekeeper one day a week for me (just recently) and has actually "had to go" to the grocery store 1 a week for the last month. i rested as much as i could and tried to keep the boat afloat for years.

    i hope your husband is more considerate because i have been through hell in the last year. my spouse is, can you believe this, mad at me, because i am not better than last year. i even ask him to attend some meetings in hope that this would enlighten him more as to what exactly we are going through each day. actually, i ask him to do a number of things but all he had for me was ridicule that i couldn't do this or that, or why i wasn't out making new friends and having a high ole time.

    guess the point is, please don't feel like you should have to adjust everything so it won't hurt his feelings. i did that and it got me a terrible ending. we have to adjust ourselves to this terrible dd, by the responses of the board mostly without a hint of support from family or friends. the lucky ones have supportive spouses, which i pray for you and your family!

    take your husband to your doctor's apptments. everyone of them. maybe he will be more inclined to know what to do and be able to comprehend exactly what you are really going through. maybe even some sort of support group, drag him there!!!!! wish i had before it was too late.

    warm regards, fibolady



  5. KellynZ

    KellynZ New Member

    Hi Crissie
    Thanks for posting this - I thought it was just my husband that acted that way - three cheers for your doc for pointing out that a marriage is a partnership (in sickness and in health), maybe I should switch docs -lol - It's hard for me to let go of all the things I always did as it is probably hard for my husband to learn to do things around the house so we are trying to grow through this too. okay, maybe I'm trying to grow through this - don't think it is having the same effect on hubby! lol.
    I am really glad to have this board available because I have felt a lot less isolated and a lot less crazy since the diagnosis - thanks to everyone! Hope I can return the favor over time.

    Kellyn
  6. jpswife_4boys

    jpswife_4boys New Member

    for the replies. When I'm in a bad flare my hubby does help. But only when I'm in a flare. I just feel bad asking him to do more when he works so hard 7 days a week. He never gets a day off expect on holidays. The reason being is so he can pay his child support and be able to take care of us. I got mad at him yesterday and finally told him what the dr. said. His reply was "tell me what you need me to do." He told me he will be here for me. I think on good days though I'm in denial of this dd and I try to catch up on every thing. I've learned to deal with the little aches and pains, you know push them aside and keep on going only to pay for it in the days to come. I have always been the care taker in this home, making sure everything is just right. I've always had our home clean, supper cooked, helped kids with the home work, make sure everyone has clean socks for the next day, played or just sat and read with our boys. I feel like I have lost my life. I don't mean to be so negative but this is all new to me. I've been dealing with symptoms for many years not know what was wrong, or if I was just crazy. I was finally diagnosed in August and I don't feel I've come to the total acceptance of me being ill. I always worry about the house not being picked up or supper not cooked when my hubby gets home. (Over the years I spoiled him, my bad!) He use to make snide comments about it but after seeing me in a really bad flare he doesn't say a word. He just ask me to go lay down and he'll take care of supper and the kids. Please keep me in your prayers that I may come to accept the fact that I'm ill and that my husband and I will be able to make the right decission concerning our family.

    Thanks alot!
    hugs
    crissie