Am i being selfish?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Fibrolady37, Jul 25, 2003.

  1. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    To anyone,
    Ive got lot to deal with right now & i know im not on my own.
    We all cope differently & i ikle to be alone because im the only one who knows how to deal with my fibro.
    My partner is supportive but has a lot to learn & with my help we may get there,who know"s.
    He"s very negative due to a past relationship & i find this hard to cope with along with all my stuff aswell.
    I enjoy being with my partner when i do see him then i also look forward to the times im alone.
    I have my friends but my best friend is God.
    I tell him im happiest when im left alone & he continues to bless me.
    Its the only way i know how to cope & it works for me.
    I ring my friends & email them & they understand me & my situation.
    Your my fibro family & i dont see my friends from church because im so tired & achy etc.
    Does anyone else do what i do or am i the only one?
    Sorry its long.
    Will someone please help me.
    sharon d(uk)
  2. LindaW

    LindaW New Member

    I can really understand how you feel God is truly the only one who can understand all I am going through. mI have a wonderful husband but I tend to isolate myself from other people . The pain and fatigue I really am tired of explaining, or tired of trying to put on this bubbly energetic exterior. I love my house and the quiet. In the afternoon after the crowds have left I love to sit on the beach and listen to the ocean. (you are not stange for wanting to be alone. lw
  3. elaine_p

    elaine_p New Member

    Knowing what you need and seeing that you get it isn't selfish. (You can call it limit-setting or recognizing your boundaries if you want.)

    Of course, there are times we all have to do things for our friends that we don't want to. But I've come to the point that if I have to push myself beyond the limits of my illness, I'll only do it in an emergency (depending on the amount of pushing, etc.).

    I've always been something of a loner, and got most of my socialization needs filled at work and at AA. Then I'd go home and relax, read, or whatever. So being alone doesn't bug me, except that now my socialization needs aren't being met much, either!
  4. averilpam

    averilpam New Member

    it really is a necessity to have time alone when you are dealing with fatigue or pain (or both),

    I'm not religious, but I understand what you are saying Sharon.
    I have lived alone for a long time, and have always valued my time alone. Fortunately I also have good friends, so rarely have to stay alone if I don't want to - at least I can phone for a chat if I feel low.

    Lindaw, I envy you being near the ocean, I wish I did!
    I don't drive so I don't get there too often. Just sitting or wandering along a beach (I love the pebbly, rocky beaches the best) smelling the air and listening to the ocean is so relaxing.
    Pam xxx
  5. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Most of us need our space time, including people who are not sick. I live alone and it has worked out much better since I've been sick. There are times when I wish I had a significant other, but for the most part, living alone when sick is better for me.

    It is important that we tell family members what we need and reassure them that it has nothing to do with them but everything to do with our needs.

    Love, Mikie
  6. bitter-sweet

    bitter-sweet New Member

    We all cope differently. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. I feel that way often, and I say that I don't want to drag anyone down with me. At least people understand you and that's comforting.
  7. sierrasioux

    sierrasioux New Member

    I just read your bio and don't ever forget what you said about your daughter being your whole life and she is what is keeping you going.
    On your bad days--and believe me, I know almost everyday could be a bad day---but on those days think of your 9 yr old. By the way, she has a beautiful name.
    I have lived with fibro ever since my son was born 24 years ago.
    I have had alot of surgeries, and medical problems for all of these years. But there is no way I could have gotten through all of this without (number one--God) number two---my husband of 30 years, and three---thinking about how i am my sons only mother and i need to be there for him.
    Maybe if you can think of it that way about your daughter===you are her ONLY mother and she needs you.
    I don't want to be negative, but I am just being truthful here and since your daughter is only 9--you will be dealing with alot of stress until she is out on her own.
    My husband and I don't know how we could have gotten through the teenage years if we would've had a daughter.
    What I mean is----we were so overprotective with our son-and my husband would always say---if we had a daughter she wouldn't date--of course, he way kidding, but it is just a father's reaction thinking about your daughter with teenage boys.
    We were so blessed with the most wonderful son. I lost 2 before I had him, and he was a premature baby.
    He was our miracle baby.That's another story--maybe I will make post about children and tell my story.
    Another suggestion-maybe call some friends from church--I see that you became a christian a few years ago--you can get alot of support with other christians.
    There have been times when I missed church too because of pain, but then later I always wished that I had gone.
    There also have been plenty of times that I sat all through church with severe pain.
    If you have a Bible, it would be a great idea to keep it out near your computer--I say computer because that is something that you probably do alot is get on the computer---then seeing your Bible everyday can make you more likely to read it---here is what helps me---reading psalms and proverbs daily, but to be truthful, I have my bible right here and I have not been reading like i need to.
    I hope I am not coming off as preaching to you---I am only thinking of some things that might make you feel better.
  8. MiahRoo

    MiahRoo New Member

    It took me the LONGEST time to learn how to share my illness with my fiance. When we first met I was very anti-relationship because I was so used to being alone and that's the only way I knew how to cope/deal with being sick. I was not at all interested in a relationship with him. But he wouldn't give up without a fight. He tried and tried and quickly won my heart. I'm very lucky to have a man who is so supportive and understanding. He's understanding about me needing my space at times. It's rare these days that I want time alone because I've really worked hard at sharing myself with him. Every part of myself. I'm even seeing a fantastic therapist to keep me on the right track. It is not at all selfish to want/need time to yourself but it's not the only way to get by. It's certainly uncomfortable and scary to share your illness with somebody at first but well worth it in the long run. I'm so happy that I gave my fiance a chance and he's proven himself well worthy of it. You have to do what's best for YOU, that's very important and it is not selfish. Take care of you and if you can allow somebody in to help and to share with, wonderful! If you're not at the point in your life where that is possible or comfortable that's okay. You are your number one concern. That's smart, not selfish.