Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by mezombie, Oct 4, 2007.

  1. mezombie

    mezombie Member

    1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
    Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat
    and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly

    2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
    vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while
    you chop away.

    3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting
    the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

    4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
    yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing
    the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

    5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock,
    will prevent you from rolling over and going back to
    sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of
    laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

    7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a
    hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

    Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of
    life really are:

    You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it
    doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.


    Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

    Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

    If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get
    another chance.

    And finally, be really nice to your family and
    friends; you never know when you might need them to
    empty your bedpan (or chase the geezer that stole your cane in Kmart).
  2. Khalyal

    Khalyal New Member

    I especially love the two tools rule! We actually have 4 tools in our house, because we include Superglue and JBWeld.

    We used to have a generator you couldn't get parts for anymore. We got two more years out of it with JBWeld and body jewelry!

  3. EmmasG

    EmmasG New Member

    I loved these. Just what I needed today.
  4. victoria

    victoria New Member

    An additional helpful suggetion regarding #3:

    The opened window is also an option (make sure screen is removed).

    And the 2 things needed rule is great -- always remember, duct tape is what saved that Apollo mission! Bet they had WD40 too!

  5. therealmadscientist

    therealmadscientist New Member

    Darn, why didn't I think of those solutions?

    thanks, mr Bill
  6. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    I especially loved #6, to be afraid to cough!