an "actual letter".....!!!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by HeavenlyRN, Mar 21, 2010.

  1. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member

    Good morning fellow posters. I came across this in my "stuff" from my desk at work. I've "always" loved it and wanted to pass it along. I apologize in advance if it is offensive to anyone.


    This is an actual letter sent to American company Proctor
    and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling
    after the first paragraph...

    Dear Mr. James Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20
    years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
    Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
    salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
    beach in tight, white shorts.

    But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
    Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it
    is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I
    feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
    from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the month'
    is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
    violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
    will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an
    inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no
    doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
    customers' monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about
    the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
    mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
    it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
    Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a
    George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy
    was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
    just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
    the reason for my letter.

    Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted
    to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
    maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
    'Have a Happy Period.' Are you freakin' kidding me? What I mean is, does
    any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual
    smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did
    anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it,

    FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will
    never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to load yourself
    up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
    march down to the local WalMart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy
    plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

    For the love of God, pull your head out, man!
    If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad,
    wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent,
    like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are
    you just picking on us?

    Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
    immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
    chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly
    miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of
    condescending bull crap. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.


  2. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    THAT made me laugh!!!!

    Thanks for sharing!!
  3. lgp

    lgp Well-Known Member

    I actually read this some time ago..someone had emalied it to me. But I laughed just as much reading it again! Thanks so much for the laugh!!