An apoplogy from one of the new kids on the block

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by honeybell, Jan 31, 2008.

  1. honeybell

    honeybell New Member

    Hi everyone-

    Well, I've only been here a month and I am pretty sure I already owe you all an apoplogy!

    The other day I posted a message inquiring about the usual stress level here. This may have been one of those times that I should have taken a deep breath, relaxed and NOT posted.

    In my defense, for the last 1-2 mos., I have experienced the worst FM flare I have ever had. All symptoms were terrible. I don't think I need to explain further for a lot of you. I will admit that when my pain is this bad, my anxiety level goes thru the roof.

    Since I couldn't leave the house and felt I had discovered something potentially life-changing, I was doing a lot of reading here. Maybe too much. :)

    To put it simply, I allowed other people's issues to feel like my own. Instead of utilizing this board in the best possible way, I was focusing on the little bit of negative I was finding.

    Please, please, please accept my most sincere apoplogy!!! I want to be here to make friends, lend support, share joys and sorrows, learn and have fun! What I don't want to do is start any conflict or spread negativity.

    Lesson learned! Think you might give me another chance? Most of the time, I'm worth it! ;)

    BTW...I think I may have had my "stressful here?" post removed. I don't see it anywhere. Do you think it may have been deemed "too negative"? I don't want to make the same mistake again, but need to be clear on the mistake I made. If this is the case, again, I am very sorry. It certainly wasn't my intent to break the rules.

    Geez...not even here a month and breaking the rules already! It just seems to come so naturally to me in all parts of life!! ;)

    Thanks for understanding, everyone. I'll try to remember not to post when my anxiety is so high!

    Gentle hugs all around-
  2. jewels920

    jewels920 New Member

    but I'm sure most of the people here will more than understand and accept your apology, if you made a boo-boo.

    I have that whole 'empathy' thing going on, too. It's difficult even in my daily life to separate my feelings from everyone else's feelings.

    I have a co-worker who came in with a hurt leg. I didn't know he had a hurt leg until mine started hurting and I complained about it. Then he told me his upper right leg was hurt. That's exactly where I was feeling pain. ::shrugs:: Coincidence? Maybe. But I know myself and I'm a huge emotional sponge sometimes.

    Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries...

    I hope you are feeling better soon. I, too, experience a huge surge of anxiety when I'm flaring. I don't know what's worse sometimes, the actual pain, or the fear of how bad the pain will get.

    Love and hugs to you.

  3. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    you did not do anything wrong. Don't think any more about it.

    Glad you are with us !


  4. honeybell

    honeybell New Member


    Complete forgiveness, no judgement, empathy, compassion, kindness...

    Is it possible to stay here for the rest of my life?


    Seriously, thank you so much for the fast responses and warm words. I'm so happy to have found you all. Thanks for taking me in!

    Linda[This Message was Edited on 01/31/2008]
  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    And anyone who may not have read the rules...or hasn't read them recently. You can find them in the upper right hand corner.

    I think I was on the board a month or two before I discovered them.

    One of my coworkers used to say, Never put anything in a letter or a pleading that you would object to seeing on the evening news.

  6. happycanuk

    happycanuk New Member

    I read your post as well.

    It was before what happened with you Elaine.

    There are on all boards, a few people that seek to cause friction. You did nothing wrong, and you weren't far from the mark either.
  7. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Thank you for this wonderful lesson!

    I do think that you are being too hard on yourself (!!!) but, I agree with Terch, you have given us such a wonderful lesson:

    "To put it simply, I allowed other people's issues to feel like my own."

    I think we really learn only by sharing our mistakes. You know, "mistakes" is the wrong word. We learn from our experience and, if someone else is compassionate and generous enough to share, we can learn from theirs too. You have taught us to avoid taking on other people's issues as our own. That's such a big lesson. I believe that you taught it to us in the most loving and effective way possible.

    I so want to tell my Pema Chodron story. Ok? Pema is a very well respected Buddhist Teacher, scholar and Nun. She runs a monastery in Nova Scotia called Gampo Abbey. Those living at the Abbey live a pretty spartan existence and have only one cup, one bowl, one plate, one spoon...

    One day Pema exited her room after a long period of fruitful meditation. She writes that she was feeling rather pleased with her enlightened little self. As she walked down the hall towards the kitchen she saw dirty dishes. Her lovely feeling of contentment began to be polluted by negative feelings. She thought: I know who left those there! They are always doing that! Who do they think will clean up after them? This really will have to stop!

    Since everyone in the Abbey has their name on their dishes it was a simple matter to find out who had left them there. A now annoyed Pema lifted up an offending dish and read on the bottom: Pema. They were her dishes!

    I love this story! I love Pema for telling this story! She helps us to forgive ourselves for our imperfection, our humanity, by sharing her own so fearlessly.

    As far as I can tell, the only difference between what Pema did with her story and what you did with yours is that she forgave herself for being human immediately. It takes the rest of us a little longer:~)

    Thank you for sharing your humanity and your insight with us. We need it.

    If I may be so bold, you could maybe cut yourself a little more slack BUT please don't hold back on the lessons:~)

    Peace and thanks to you,

    [This Message was Edited on 02/01/2008]
  8. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    Yeah, Pema's Abbey is in Nova Scotia!

    I'm pretty sure that her Guru Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche began the community in Nova Scotia and it has continued in some form from that day. It makes me
    feel unaccountably good that they chose Canada. Silly huh?

    Did you google Gampo Abbey?

    Yeah, I love Pema, too! Pema is a fantastic teacher. And, Pema has ME.


  9. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    disappointing. I really liked that title, too. "ICK" does not sound good!

    When I'm finished SUITABLE BOY I'm considering M.G. Vassanji's THE BOOK OF SECRETS which is another one from the mid 90's. (In my 40s I was interested, almost exclusively, in reading women so have these books just waiting for me.) It's set in the Indian community in East Africa where I have been and among whom I have worked.

    Please don't say ICK!

    Linda, your thread has turned into the Honeybell Literary Salon. I hope you don't mind! I know you're interested in books about India. If you also like Pema Chodron, Terch and I will probably faint dead away. Wait, that's not funny!


    [This Message was Edited on 02/01/2008]
  10. honeybell

    honeybell New Member

    You are always so encouraging and helpful! I WILL stay around and hope I can occasionally be as helpful to one or some of you as you are to me.

    I agree, negative thinking is contagious and harmful. I don't know about the rest of you, but a negative environment/words/attitudes actually make my pain and anxiety much worse. My DH has learned to help keep our home as peacful and calm as possible. Of course, we all hve our moments, but we try to keep them few and far between.

    Hugs all around, everyone!
  11. honeybell

    honeybell New Member

    Tell me about Pema Chodron, please!! I love learning about new people!

    I'm off to google her right now!

    Hugs and love-

    PS You can turn my thread into a literary one anytime!