Angry at well people - isolating myself

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by GooGooGirl, Sep 4, 2003.

  1. GooGooGirl

    GooGooGirl New Member

    Does anyone else find themselves being envious of and angry towards just about everyone? I blow up at the smallest things, I feel like crying all the time. I'm so envious of people that are not sick. I snap at everyone. I know I am depressed but anti depressants give me bad side effects.
    I see a therapist and that does help but I can't talk to her every time I feel bad. I really don't have many friends to begin with, most of them live out of state.
    Most times I don't even answer my phone or if I do I just say I can't talk. All I can think about is my pain and what my life is going to become. I only see it going downhill from here the way I have been feeling lately. Am I the only one who feels like this?
  2. tjlibby

    tjlibby New Member

    Oh Sweety
    We have all been like you.. Most of my friends left when they heard,""I have Lupus". I don't let anyone get to close to me, as in friendship.. Am I jealous of others, I would be a liar if I said I wasn't. I am very moody when I am on alot of pred.. Take one step at a time. I hope you feel better real soon. Vent anytime its good for you.. Teri
  3. JP

    JP New Member

    I know the isolation aspect of this stuff. I avoid the phone too. I do get out some and it's very limited. I don't know what I would do if I didn't find an antidepressant that helped. I tried a few that made things worse and also kept me from trying again for a long time. I hit a pretty bad 'pain bottom' and I tried Effexor XR a few years ago. It changed my life. I still isolate and I'm not depressed or snapping at my loved ones very often.

    I was a happy person before my health changed so dramatically. I am working at finding my joy again, in spite of living with a severe persistant pain condition. I guess it's my best effort at finding some control over the circumstances.

    Hang in there...I know many of us are there with you...Jan
  4. Chrissy3

    Chrissy3 New Member

    Im so sorry you are feeling so bad. I have CFS but am just about clinging to my job. I suppose I should feel lucky about that but I dont.

    I feel very angry at people that have wonderful lives that they take for granted , for example ; a woman at work has 2 great children a fantastic boyfriend, a social life to die for and is all the time moaning she is fed up and I want to scream at her what the hell have you got to be fed up about!! Everyone is talking about their great weekend when Ive spent it sleeping so I can drag myself through another week at work. I do feel for you and can understand.

    I hope one day things will get better and we can all improve, until then I just take one day at a time. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you,

    Hugs, chrissy xx
  5. Dara

    Dara New Member

    I find my anger and frustration targeted at friends who do not understand my limitations.

    There is a book that my therapist recommended for me to read. It is "A Delicate Balance - Living Successfully with Chronic Illness" by Susan Milstrey Wells. I haven't actually read the whole book but have looked through it by subject and have found it rather useful.

  6. GooGooGirl

    GooGooGirl New Member

    At least you know what I am talking about. No one else understands. Even my cousin, who was my closest friend for years, she will call me and say, "so what's new?" WHAT'S NEW??? Aside from doctors appointments and tests, nothing is new! She knows I don't go anywhere. I'll tell her I had this or that appointment and she says "oh, are you having a little pain?" Yeah, that's putting it mildly, I can't stand for longer than 10 minutes because of my back, I can't clean my house anymore, it's hard to just get up out of bed and go to work every day. Why doesn't anyone understand? I've gained a lot of weight because of my inactivity and this morning I snapped at my 2 co workers who called a celebrity fat. This celebrity weighs maybe 120 pounds! I told them, well if she is fat, I must be a cow then! That really shut them up! And it's real depressing to walk in on a Monday morning and hear everyone else talk about their fun weekends when I've been home in bed all weekend.

    Sorry, I'll stop ranting now.
  7. TourGuideBarbie

    TourGuideBarbie New Member

    I was coming home on the bus the other day and a group of football players from the university got on. Most of the ride I just watched them (not obviously) admiring at how strong and healthy they looked.

    I get really mad (inside only) at my husband. He is very overweight and out of shape. In my head I scream at him for not taking the best advantage that he can of having a body that can work. I have to badger him to go out for a walk and some days end up going for one even if I don't feel like it. I know he won't go out unless I do.

    I swear if I can ever beat the fibro that I will be that healthy, active, strong person I wish for now. I sure wouldn't take it forgranted like so many people do.
  8. Pindooca

    Pindooca New Member

    ... then I started taking Effexor and most of it went away. I know you are nervous about anti-depressants. For me, the minimal side-effects greatly outweigh how crappy I felt before.
  9. MJJBunny

    MJJBunny New Member

    Remember that old saying about "If you have your health you have everything"? It certainly has taken on a new meaning. If only healthy people realized that.
  10. lilchisler

    lilchisler New Member

    Boy, can I relate to these messages. I was always on the go and little miss social, but severe pain has a way of taking the fun out of things. I do pretty well most of the time, but it is so hard to explain our illness and pain to others. I also know that there are so many people with worse conditions than mine, that I am ashamed to say anything because I am still somewhat on my feet...but I do remember during a really bad flare...having my "friend" tell me..."you know, I have days when my muscles are " a bit stiff and tired" too. " I do know how you feel"...wrong day for that. I bluntly said..oh really..well...unless you feel like someone is trying to rip the skin and muscles from your bones have no understanding of this pain!!I felt really!!!! bad about saying it, but she never used that comparison again. I guess what I am trying to say, is none of us are at our best when we are in severe pain and mental anguish. We get to a place, I think, where we are too tired to act like we feel well, and we feel bad about always feeling bad and not being able to plan events in advance that we alienate ourselves from just seems easier. I know it is not good for us. I think the hardest part for me is I have crawled inside myself to a place so protected and dark that no one, including myself sometimes, can reach there. It is my way of protecting myself from outside pain because the inner pain is already so great. Gosh, I wish for better days than these for all of us. I think how great it is to be able to come to this board and unvel ourselves...come "naked" so to speak...being able to admit that though we are at war everyday that we do not win every battle placed before us...and we need a place to "lick our wounds" and to prepare us for the next round. There are days of victory too, that I am always encouraged about reading. It helps me to fight the fight with diligence. I am glad to be back on board. I have already learned so much again. Thanks everyone for your great posts. "lilchisler"
  11. cma331

    cma331 New Member

    Hi All;
    Was online earlier and read these posts ; and reread them; than turned off the puter......Couldn't deal with it.......Just tried going to bed; but had to come back; to all of you, And tell you i am where you are also.......I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!
    No one should have to live the way we do.....I'm not going to repeat all I feel......cause you have all said it already.......
    Been crying all night for a change......Feel so alone... Old; sick; veeery lonely; worrried about finances, and feel i am tired of "fighting " it all......Its been 6 years now....This has been a specialy bad time for me....and i just can't handle it.....Divorced my husband of 33 years, in the spring, not because i didn,t love him; but he is an alcoholic who ruined our lives......And 2 days after the divorce came final......We learned he has Lou Gherigs disease......He has been on life support for 3 months now........I am devastated.....I lost my soul mate; my best friend........I have been even sicker from the lack of kutapressin......I live alone now., have no life, ............what is there to look foward to.......a good few hours here and there?? Its not enough anymore.And yes, i have 3 children and 3 grandchildren.....Do any of them REALLY understand??? No, only you people do......
    Sorry for whining, but so thankful you are all there........
    Soft hugs to you all...
    {{{{{{{{{{{{{ CFS/FM Friends}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
  12. friendz4

    friendz4 New Member

    Hi All
    I am new here and never wrote anything I have been just reading, this discussion caught my eye as so many of us feel the same. I feel like I am in a cluster and I cant get out.I to was diagnosed with Fibro in 1999 after going to so many docs and no one knew what was going on. I am on trial for so many different drugs my head is spinning.I am very angry all the time and have a very short fuse lately. I had a year from hell in 2002.I lost my Mom in Aug from cancer,my dear friend.I was diagnosed with Lyme disease also. I filed for divorce from a 20 year marriage and moved from CT to Fl in Jan.As I write this I am wondering how I am still surviving. My Mom always said if you put all your problems in the middle of a room full of people you would probably take your own problems back? I just dont know how much one can take before we explode and never come back in our minds.I do see how people have breakdowns. I wish all of you some peace and at least a day where you feel ALRIGHT that would be nice huh?
  13. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Oh huni,
    No I"m just like you & when my church friends invite me out I decline because I know how hard it is to get around.
    I miss them but being so tired & achy is hard as you know & I"d rather be at home nice & warm.
    Take it easy & look after yourself soft hugs (((((((((((((((((((( sharon d
  14. kerrymygirl

    kerrymygirl New Member

    She said, it has to be harder on you because you love the outdoors, particicating in all kinds of sports, a party person and social butterfly. No More, I may not get out unless to store. I am embarrassed to let Anyone see how I really have to live. You cannot plan anything. I can never say "Oh, that sounds great", almost everything I plan never works out. Most of my friends left are not well, only people who understand. So if we try to make plans non of us are all good on the same day to make it.

    I was the last to leave a party. Now the 1st to leave anywhere not sure if I can make it home.

    I live in community with alot of elderly. They are always going and doing. It is hard to be excited to hear about all their trips, over and over. This 1 89 yr. old man I used to help. He complained he was angry because he was not feeling well so he missed some golf. I wanted to shove the ball down his throat to shut him up about it. Isn`t that terrible for a health care person. I was ashamed for the way I felt. He just did not understand I could not play 18 holes of golf even if I wanted to. Used to think golf was to slow of a sport. Ain`t that a hoot.

    Have to use my energy to go to but true

    I do not want to live and die like this. Got lyme/fm 20yrs. ago. I also get to hear about my ex his new boat and home and travels. After he stalked me for 8 yrs. Took my last few semi healthy yrs. Then just went on with his life. That really Pi**es me off.

    So here I am in my safe little smaller and smaller world.Kids live far so they do not know how Bad I am, do not think they want to know.

    I truly am sorry for all your sad stories because I can tell how much it hurts to not have a life anymore.

  15. Maple

    Maple New Member

    You are not alone. So many of us are living practically no life. Hidden in our homes, too sick to enjoy life. Friends and family just don't understand. And they slowly disappear. After all we are not fun anymore. We can't function enough to visit with them even. I am so lonely and sad. Meds and therapy don't help enough. Doctors say...get exercise, loose weight, get outside, other doctors say stay out of sun, don't over do it, don't worry about not being able to do any housework, or that you lost your job, just do fun stuff. Everything I plan seems to fall through. Even if I am having a great day I can get bad so quickly. Others just don't understand- even my doctors. It takes all my energy to go to a doctors appt. Then I come home and am so much worse for days. I hate it when people say you don't look's too hard to even try and explain how my life is. I know it could be worse, but this isn't a life.
  16. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Hi GoGooGirl. Your post sounds a LOT like me, that I truly do feel for you. I am 38 single and living with my elderly parents. I never was able to make enough money to live on my own, and with being sick, I don't think anyone would like to be my room mate anyway.

    I do have a few wonderful friends, (one who has fibro as well). I used to work in a very stressful job with salespeople and they had such BUSY lives that I became frequently jealous. Everyone in my office was going on vacations, buying new beautiful clothes, had money and as far as I know, had their health. I didn't fit in with this crowd, but I tried for the sake of my job. I would come home and wonder what would become of me because I didn't have enough energy after work to walk to my car. I became envious and spiteful of everybody. I used to pity myself by saying that nobody would want me, or I don't have any children, or I will never have a good career, money, or health so what's the use?

    I saw a therapist last year, but she just didn't understand my pain. I was on antidepressants too, and the side effects made my life even WORSE than before, so I felt truly alone. I lost my job over a year ago, and I found another one, BUT, it's only part time, with much less money and I have to start over again with this nasty DD. The only thing that gets me going is that my friends and family are proud of me for dealing with daily pain, fatigue and anxiety. I have to come to a new place in my life because if I don't, nobody can do it for me. My 4 year old nephew often tells me he loves me and I have learned to embrace these great things in spite of everything. Sorry this post is so long, I tend to ramble a lot, LOL. Take care of yourself and embrace the small things in your life, you'll be amazed at how strong you REALLY are. Hugs to you, Chelz.
  17. Cabbie

    Cabbie New Member

    Thankfully my DH is very understanding and helpful about eveything, and I have one good friend who has some understanding of my illness, but even she said something the other day that really hurt. After she listed all the trips she was taking in the next 6 months, she said how lucky to have my DH (I agreed with her on that). But then she went on to say - because she was sure he would like to go a lot of places that I can't go, but he doesn't complain.

    Well, I would like to go a lot of places that I can't - like I missed my daughter's wedding 3,000 miles away, my grandson's birth in Spain, and now they live 1500 miles away (son-in-law is Navy pilot). Doesn't she think I feel bad enough about missing all that, without giving me guilt about my DH? Like a wimp, I kept my mouth shut and didn't say anything to her.

    I have a couple long distance friends who keep in touch by phone and email when they have time, but they're too far away/busy to come see me, and going to their houses is a major task for me.

    You sound very isolated; do you live alone? Do you have a local support goup you can go to, where you can get out to see others who understand your pain? This may sound trite, but try to focus on something good in your life. Write down 5 things every day to be happy about - even if it's that you walked to the mailbox, or noticed the flowers in your yard. Rent a funny video, find a hobby that you can do that brings you pleasure. I know it's not easy, because I get down often when I think of what I can't do anymore. And come to this board; we all know how you feel.

  18. Ahorsesoul

    Ahorsesoul New Member

    Everytime I see your Topic headline, I first wonder what is wrong with her well (as in water well, I live in the country). I do get a laugh out of it. I do agree with you about healthy (well) people. Now that I am feeling so much better, a few FM/CFS friends are having a hard time dealing with me too. I too have been lost in the fog and I sure understand what it is like to see the world passing by. You certainly are not alone in your feelings!
  19. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I too am having a hard time with not having much of a life other them being sick. I feel like "what`s the point." I am grateful that I have this now when we have the internet for support and info. Its my lifeline. Its good to know others going through the same things.

    I see people on tv or newpapers with big accomplishments. I feel envious. I feel like everyone`s got an exciting life but me. I just try to get through another day is all.

    I`m waiting for help. Surely God won`t let us suffer much longer.
  20. GooGooGirl

    GooGooGirl New Member

    Got a little chuckle out of the well water thing (never occurred to me, living in a big city, lol). Yes I do live alone, it's very depressing. I never feel good, I hate my job and I hate my life. The only things in life that I have to be grateful for are my wonderful parents, even though they are divorced I don't know what I would do without them. It's been hard for me since my Mom moved about 2 1/2 hours away, even though it's not that far, I rarely ever feel good enough to drive up there. I just hate everything. I'm jealous of people who have busy lives. I try to have a positive attitude but it's pretty hard when you hate everything.