Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by caroleye, Aug 16, 2006.

  1. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    When I was young & healthy, doing projects was such an easy job. But for the past several years, it's becoming more & more difficult.

    I'm venting now, as I'm attempting to do a project from my home that involves interacting with people who are total "flakes". I mean you cannot trust what they say; what they do, or their excuses.

    I have high values on trust, honesty & integrity (grew up in Canada), and just so very angry right now about the lack of any of this where I'm living. And not feeling I can do anything to "change" it!!

    Can you relate?

  2. shootingstar

    shootingstar New Member

    I've had some dealings with people who from all outward appearances appeared to be honest, but were anything but.
    Has made me put a high value on integrity.
  3. mrdad

    mrdad New Member

    I see from your bio. that you live in Montara. You're

    not to far down the Coast from me in S.F. It's very

    pretty down there.

    You know, flakey people seem to b e the norm now unfort-

    unately. I was applying for a job before I became ill

    and my potential employer could not believe that I had

    been at my previous job for three whole years!! Was fur-

    ther amazed that in that time I had only missed one work

    day! I replied that I was the only one in the

    Store who knew how to touch up and refinish old furniture

    and my boss relied on me. I fealt like I was an anach-

    ronism. I understand what you are saying!

    You mention in your bio. that you became ill after a

    surgery. I assume that you received a blood transfusion

    with blood other than your own. I've wondered if this

    could have been the source of my own majoe health pro-

    blems?? Have you thought about that possibility??

    Thanks and hang in there,
  4. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    You live in one of the most fantastic places in the US! How can you be angry when you see all that beauty every day?

    I think that there are all kinds of people in this old world; some good and some bad and a lot in between. I have very high values and really appreciate integrity. Guess I'm fortunate to have quite a number of co-workers who are similar in thought.

    Perhaps might your negativity damper your objectiveness? Focus on the positives as you work with the others, and perhaps you will find that those whom you are attempting to work with have their own values and also value integrity ... just expressing it in a different way perhaps? I doubt that integrity is specific to certain cultures or countries.
  5. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    No Mr Dad, I think it began after I had breast implants put in. Prior to that I had been very healthy, but thanks for the thought. Yes, we live just south of Devil's Slide.

    For the person who posted about the beauty taking away the lack of values, I have a hard time putting those two together.

    That's "another" reason to be angry..........we do live in the most beautiful place I know, and to have to deal with people who have no consideration for others..........well that doesn't take "objectivity". It takes questioning how people can lack such basic values.

    But then, there I go again. Thinking that we're all alike; living our truth & treating others as we want to be treated. That concept, sad to say, is just not abundant.
    We're a very young, uneducated society, with way too many
    people I've described above.

    Hmmmmm, no won't go there!!

    LIGHT to all****************carole
  6. NancyMystic

    NancyMystic New Member

    It is so very frustrating to work with folks who pretend to be good people with their talk, but who then won't follow through - they "talk the talk" but won't "walk the walk".

    I hope these people will wise up by learning from your example; but if they don't, hopefully after this project is completed you'll never have to deal with them again.

    I sympathize with your frustration, and I salute your integrity and convictions, caroleye!


    p.s. (Stop reading now if you'd rather not hear any more advice about how to deal with difficult people :)

    Here are a couple of suggestions that I've learned helps in dealing with difficult people:

    *Don't try to figure out what their problem is - you can't fix it. Flakes come in all shapes & sizes with lots of different reasons for their flakiness.
    Be kind but detached, so you can Take Care of Business.

    *Limit your interactions with them to simple sound bites. State only what you need from them and when you need it, in the simplest terms.

    *Don't switch to another subject until you have a gotten a satisfactory response of commitment from them.
    eg: After you've asked for a commitment to a deadline, wait until you hear them speak that commitment in response.

    *Repeat their commitment once or twice as a statement of fact.
    eg: "So you will have those flyers printed and ready to go by Friday."

    *Put their commitments in writing if you can, with everyone involved receiving a copy.

    *Don't get sucked into useless argument or discussion or excuses. Keep it as simple as possible, repeating or reflecting back only the important points in order to cement them in everyone's memory.

    *When they actually follow through, take a moment to acknowledge the importance of what they accomplished and express your satisfaction with it.
  7. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    And can you believe that all those "excellent" ways of dealing w/people (I'm an ex-counselor!! ha!), they will lie through their teeth.

    Yep, not many people walking their talk...........and YES, until we feel good "Inside", just how can you enjoy the "outside"..........another wise one. P.S. I'm in the process of bringing horses on to help "ground" me & give me their healing energy.

    Believe me, I've tried all the tricks, but some just don't have "their lights on", and they sure won't be returning to our property.

    Have to confess I do let my "warrior" out sometimes; just to let them know that just because I'm old & sick doesn't mean I'm stupid or incapable of smacking their snotty little noses! ha.ha.

  8. mrdad

    mrdad New Member

    Thanks for your reply concerning Blood Transfusion
    question. Like everyone else, attempting to possibly
    find some common thread about this illness. I'm sure
    that you're happy the Devil's Slide issue has been some-
    what addressed for now! Can't believe it is going to
    take so long to bore thru. that tunnel on the east side.
    They probably will have built the "Chunnel" faster when
    all is said and done.

    Wishing you Sunshine in Montara!
    MRDAD P.S. I love that back-
    road off 280 to Big Basin
    State Park. Use to take
    it in the 60's in my 57
    BEL Aire!!

  9. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    So funny Mr.Dad.........reminds me of riding my horse bareback (in the bathing suit/barefoot) in the Half Moon Bay waters in the 60's!!

    Intensity, yes we do have land, but had to sell our 8 acre ranch due to my illness. Downscaled to just enough land for two new stalls/paddocks & round pen. Now to find two trail-seasoned horses & some responsible, kind owners.
    Know of anyone? I've listed it on Craig's. No board fee.

  10. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    Just send me a message on the Craig's list ad, and I'll return to you.

  11. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    You'll see the few I have up there.