Another family relationship destroyed by my illness

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by TeaBisqit, Oct 18, 2002.

  1. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I am so incredibly sad right now. A relative I haven't seen in years said some horrible things to me. He said he doesn't believe I've ever been sick. Thinks I'm making it all up. I just can't believe how cruel someone who is a relative can be. He said no matter how sick I was, I should have picked up the phone. But I had encephalitis at the time, I was in the hospital, bedridden for two years and almost died three times. He actually said I made it up, doesn't believe me! And I finally said, if I have to prove to you that I am physically sick, then there is no point in us ever speaking. Relationship over. GRRRRR! I did ask him if he thought I chose to lose my ability to work, all my friends, people I was dating at the time, I lost my whole life to this illness. And it has never fully come back. He was so cruel to me tonight :(

    PsychicBisqit
  2. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I am so incredibly sad right now. A relative I haven't seen in years said some horrible things to me. He said he doesn't believe I've ever been sick. Thinks I'm making it all up. I just can't believe how cruel someone who is a relative can be. He said no matter how sick I was, I should have picked up the phone. But I had encephalitis at the time, I was in the hospital, bedridden for two years and almost died three times. He actually said I made it up, doesn't believe me! And I finally said, if I have to prove to you that I am physically sick, then there is no point in us ever speaking. Relationship over. GRRRRR! I did ask him if he thought I chose to lose my ability to work, all my friends, people I was dating at the time, I lost my whole life to this illness. And it has never fully come back. He was so cruel to me tonight :(

    PsychicBisqit
  3. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    TeaBisqit, Not PsychicBisqit :) Don't you hate it when that happens?

    TeaBisqit
  4. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    He isn't a friend if he don't believe you. Saying that is hard for me as it is hard for you to listen to.

    Yes, understand on the Diagnosis causing loss of alot of things. Try and think, concentrate on the things you still can enjoy.

    I changed when I lost alot of family, freinds to not understanding and lack of support. Now, I have made other friends, friends that will support me, and believe me, friends that will lift me up, when the ground under me has dropped. And if there aren't any friends out there who are understanding and supportive, then I always have me.

    You havn't lost your whole life, its just time to remake/rearrange your life, along with the Diagnosis.

    Peace~Sunshyne
  5. motg

    motg New Member

    Some people! he had some nerve to treat you that way. I am so sorry that he hurt you. This stuff is bad enough with out people being mean and rude.
    Barb
  6. pepper

    pepper New Member

    You handled it very bravely though. When I was confronted by a relative who said very similar things, I just sucked it in and asked my husband to deal with it (It was his aunt). He never did deal with it and I am so sorry that I just sat there and took it.

    You were very brave to stand up for yourself and what you know is true. People who have never been ill seem not to be able to understand that someone can actually be too ill to talk on the phone.

    I hope you have other relatives who are supportive of you. You do not deserve to be treated in that manner.

    (((HUGS)))Pepper
  7. Fibrobeachbum

    Fibrobeachbum New Member

    I agree with the rest. The people that do not understand I feel are not worthy of my thoughts or cares, so I just forget them. Wait until something happens to them and they might think about you them. Here is a hug for you.
    Ann
  8. poodlegirl

    poodlegirl New Member

    but don't feel guilty or ashamed, becasue it seems like the fault is entirely with him. He may eventually understand, then he may never get it. I know you would not wish this DD on anyone, but people like him usually get what is coming to them. Don't ever talk about someone elses bad fortune, it does come back to bite you in the butt! He may get a taste of your illness just to show him how it feels. What goes around comes around. I have seen this happen to people. Sad but true. I am sooooo sorry you have had to endure that from him, bless you!
    [This Message was Edited on 10/20/2002]
  9. JCharity

    JCharity New Member

    Hello Teabisqit.......

    Your post made me so sad for you. I have lost friends because of this stupid disease also. I find it so hard to perceive that I thought these people were my friends. If they were true friends, they never would have treated me that way. My heart goes out to you sweetie. Just remember that you have lots of friends here that understand. I have only been on the group a few days, but I feel part of it already. :) If I can be of any help to you, please b/c me at jcharity316@attbi.com Hugz to ya, Jenn
  10. allhart

    allhart New Member

    i feel so bad for you so, many of us do know how you
    feel my brother has told everyone including my 7 year old nephew im crazy ,my nephew is not allowed to come visit anymore one thing i have learned is that the people who act this way are affrid because they know if its happend to you it could happen to them and its just easier to deny it,if you have to talk to this person agin just tell him you feel sorry for him and that he needs consuling because he cant deal with reality,when he gets mad ingonore him or just tell him how truley sorry you are that he has such a bad mental illness!please dont let him be in control of making you feel bad.
    youll be in my prayers for peace to come to your family
    kara
  11. jami117

    jami117 New Member

    I know how much it hurts when someone makes accusations such as your uncle made. When that happens to me, I try to think of what a difficult time I'm having understanding my illnesses and they way they have totally taken my life from me. I then remind myself that if I still can't understand the magnitude of my loss, I have to expect that others will have far less understanding 'cause what we go through is so unbelievable. That's when this board is so helpful - to validate what you know about your illness through sharing your story with others going through similar experiences. Try to distract yourself from his comments as quickly as possible because there was no truth in them so you won't gain anything from reflecting on them. Wishing you peace and further recovery - jami.
    [This Message was Edited on 10/21/2002]
  12. mellow

    mellow New Member

    I am so sorry that he was so insensitive and hurt you in this manner. Unfortunately there are people like him who, I think, tend to think more of themselves than anyone else. These people are usually very selfish and totally insensitive to anyone else's feelings or the problems that others may be having. I know he has hurt you badly and that this is something that will stay with you. Please let it go and don't let his behaviour cause you stress. Stress is something that we don't need as I believe it affects our health in many ways. Don't let him do this to you. There are some people in this life who are toxic to us and we don't need them in our life. You said you haven't seen him in many years. why didn't he ring you or a family member to see how you were? My heart goes out to you but please don't let this gnaw away at you. Please look after yourself.

    Mellow
  13. diggity

    diggity New Member

    that really ztinkz. (zorry my ezzz iz not *orking, neither iz my doubleu or a couple more) juzt makez ya *anna zlap em doezn't it?

    allhart, I don't underztand *hy your nephe* izn't allo*ed to vizit you becauze you are in pain? That doezn't make zenze. Of courze people don't really make zenze that *ould treat otherz thiz *ay.

    I al*ayz have the feeling that my mother in la* thinkz I'm faking it although zhe doezn't zay much. Zhe haz told me I need to juzt puzh myzelf harder and maybe I could feel better. Zigh!!! They juzt don't underztand do they? Zometimez I *izh they had to endure thiz dizeaze for juzt one day or better yet one *eek, there'd be lotz of them apologizing if that happened.

    I'm zorry tea bizquit, I don't really kno* *hat to zay, it'z eazy to juzt zay forget him, but I kno* that'z not *hat you really *anna do. Maybe zometime he *ill underztand a little better. Until then, try to focuz on people *ho treat you the right *ay.
  14. jetmek

    jetmek New Member

    I just wanna know why he didnt pick up the phone when you were ill. Sounds like hes just justifying his short comings on not being there when you needed support. But you dont need people like that causing more stress especially family. But we are here for you hang in there and concentrate on you for now.
    huggys jenny
  15. blondieangel

    blondieangel New Member

    BY A SELFISH, IGNORANT, CRUEL, RELATIVE' - NOT your illness!!!!

    Why didn't HE call YOU when you were hospitalized, or send you 'Get Well" flowers or a card?

    While he's not worth the time, I'd actually feel like sending him my hospital bill!!!

    You must put this one behind you, worrying about his selfish attitude will just drain you of energy!

    I am sad just like you. We had just moved when I was rearended and became ill. No one calls, friends or family. My sisters viciously attack me verbally and offer no support whatsoever! My aunt send me photos from Bali and all the places she and my uncle travel to, never inviting me, the daughter of my uncles sister (my mother, now deceased, after my husband and i cared for her for 8 years)No one asks how me or my husband are, EVER. Where we moved to is close to my in-laws. My mil has NOT ONCE, EVER offered to help w/ chores or bring a meal over to help out.She makes nasty biting remarks, asks me if I'm going to get a job NOW? (just got approved for SSD) The list of cold heartless remarks are endless. At our 10th Wedding Anniversary I decided to have a housewarming/party. BIG mistake! Cost way too much, and I went to bed sobbing after ANOTHER rude display by my husbands youngest brother. Never hear from him, my husbands older brother. My sister in law, who doesn't work, stays home raising 3 kids (we lost our baby and will never have any now) in the huge house her husband bought her, complains constantly, and even decided to schedule her c-section on our wedding anniversary - taking away from us the one special day that was ours. Everone in the family has kids, so we spend a fortune in gifts (i have stopped - no money, no energy to get a card) and recieve nothing in return. We're like outcasts in the family. My one sister even 'disowned' me in one of her screaming fits in which she attacks me and verbally abuses us about every little things she can conjure up over the 11 years my husband and I have been married!My other sister had twins, and in spite of my illness and after my miscarriage, I drove 2-3 hours 3 times to help her out, only to be verbally abused with her nasty comments. We're the one's who took care of mom, consoled my youngest sister through her divorce, offered our boat and lakehouse EVERY summer to extended family/friends - where is everyone now? I em and hear about how great their lives are, and it's just too painful as I lie here exhausted and in pain day after day, trying my best to make something of my life!
    I don't know why or how people can be so cruel.
  16. kats1978

    kats1978 New Member

    I just hate it when the doctors tell or say one ting and then goes back around and says someting else. I would like it for once in a blue moon to have a man understand what I go trough but the only really fmily I have is my parents and I am so very tankfull for at lest they can understand me....I wish that I could for once have a day where there was somebody out there that understood what I go trough and just doesn't care....

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