Another holiday

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Misfit101, May 6, 2010.

  1. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    To stress about! DHs mom lives a mile from us. His sis and her fam are in dallas. Every year they make the trek here for mothers day. His mom fixes a huge meal. The rest of us clean up. That shouldnt be a problem...but its me were talking about here. They do NOT GET that I cant stand at the sink for an hour. Ive tried explaining but gave up. DH tried explaining. And I have grown kids who want to come here and cook for me. MIL suggested they do it at her house. They dont want to do that. And now shes fixing breakfast that she wants us at as well. This is an issue every stinkin holiday. I quit going to the family reunion they host at xmas time in dallas. At least 50 people in a small house at what is already a stressful time! I had to stop. So we are the flexible ones having dinner here saturday and her dinner on sunday. I begged her to let us take everyone out to eat. No clean up. Not happening. Well I cant sit for hours and if I could stand doing dishes I wouldnt be paying my DD to do them. Do we EVER get through to people? Does anyone else have this issue?
  2. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    If I cant get through to there people then Im doomed. Its getting worse every year. I LIKE his mom...I really do. DH is ten yrs younger than myself and his mom is 8 yrs older. We get along well. Its this holiday crap and them not understanding that I HAVE to lie down and cant tolerate too much "family time." the hubs says to do what I need to. I have got to stop feeling guilty! Just when I thought I had that licked....Thanks for responding jam.
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    yourself permission to do whatever is best for you, Misfit. It's
    obvious that explaining is ineffective.

    I can't recall a single family gathering from my childhood that wasn't
    a disaster. Fighting and drinking and unhappiness. Far better to stay

    Jam is right. You can't change them.

  4. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Just keep taking a stand, maybe soon or later she/they'll get it. Have you ever given them info? There was a letter that explains the problemson the main board somewhere, it;s been a while since it's been bumped up. That plus something maybe written by someone with a 'MD' behind their name might help or anything like the NIH. (Assuming youhaven't already tried).

    It sounds awful, but all our relatives are dead, we just have our kids who understand. so no stress. Well, my son has Lyme, so of course he does, and since he was disabled our daughter/his sister really "gets it" now. The hard part is trying to make new friends. It's almost impossible unless it is someone who has gone thru it at anytime or had a relative, maybe... but whether they want to bother with you (in latter example)is of course a different thing.

    I'm so glad your DH supports you - that's what'smost important especiallly since its his family.


    PS this may also sound awful but we don't celebrate most holidays traditionally anymore either since older family is gone.... we still have dinners together when we can at Thanksgiving, Christmas & birthdays, but that's it. not even our anniversayr or Valentines other than with a hugs/kisses LOL. Even when our mothers were alive, we usually took them out the day before or mid-afternoon between the "rushes" as DH & I seem to be allergic to crowds.[This Message was Edited on 05/06/2010]
  5. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    I cant print anything from my phone but I love the suggestion. Im going to try to go to the library and print something. I really wish theyd read some posts here. What gets me is FIL has a bad back and its FINE for him to go lie down. He isnt expected to socialize. I am. Guess cos Im younger. My backs worse than his (he and I talk back issues) but for some reason Im held to a different standard. I wish everyone understood like you all do. But then again theyd have to have these DDs for that. I like them too much to wish that on them.
  6. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    And lets complicate this some more...small son just received his 1st ever invite to a sleepover fri nite. One of his coachs sons. And theyre carrying it over thru sat with a wienie roast to which weve been invited. Our 1st non family invite. Small son really wants us to go. Maybe my daughter would fix brunch instead. Somebody shoot me....
  7. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member doesnt sound awful to me at all to NOT celebrate. If I had my way.... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Diane I too shed tears the first time I stayed behind. They were guilt tears tho. Thats when I gave myself permission to not feel bad about not attending the xmas so called celebrations cos they were bordering on what Rock described. Who wants that? Not me. Now if I could just iron out the other holidays. Im getting to where I cant stand them. Too stressful. You all know what the effects of stress are. Thanks...all of you. Your understanding is my comfort.
  8. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    See jam...thats what I constantly have to guard against. Its bad enough for him to have been born to an older mother with severe back problems...but then these DDs set in. Triple whammy. I dont want it to suck (sorry to those that might hate that expression) for him to be my kid. And my hubs as well. Hes very big on family and at 42yo doesnt have biological kids. He embraced mine with open arms. So I Guess theres a very real part of me that feels that I owe him to attend these gatherings. This the 1st yr weve been invited to the dinner. Usually he sends his mom beautiful flowers and has dinner with us. I wish that hadnt changed....
  9. spacee

    spacee Member

    I have walked your path, girlfriend. No one ever got it. Not even when I was studied
    at the NIH for 5 years...while they were waiting for me to die. Wanted to see what
    I died of.

    Finally the grandparents got too old or died. I didn't wish them away but it has
    made life simpler.

    As far as my youngest son's friends. We went once to a "All families invite" but it
    was terrible. I could do nothing. I told the friend's mom to just ask my son to
    future things.

    It's a horrible way to live.

  10. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    Spacee...I just recently read your bio. It blew my mind. I cant come close to imagining what that mustve been like. At 1st I thought you had AIDS and my heart broke for you. Then I kept reading and my heart STILL broke. I can imagine the fear. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .It just makes living with this worse when no one understands. Its times like these that I feel the most misunderstood because of the expectations. Im getting angry over it all. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Had a scrimmage tonite and the coach tells after that theres practice on sunday. Im like "THIS SUNDAY?!?!" yep. Who the heck does that!! What is he thinking? They must not have extended family. And you dont miss practice...they take you off the roster for the next game. Im going to toilet paper his house...
    [This Message was Edited on 05/06/2010]
  11. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    Whatever you decide to do, i hope all works out well.

    I've learned i don't need to explain to anyone anymore.
    Unless someone has this DD , they will never understand completely.

    Thank goodness you have a husband whom understands to some point your day to day life.

    A thought.. Maybe your husband can go visit his mother and have the meal she is fixing.
    If this were me, i think i would have said to MiL , my kids have already made plans here at home for Mother's day meal , although thanks for the invite and i wish you a Happy Mother's day. Having that said to her, she really should not question you to continue to be at her house for Mothers day dinner.

    No one really knows how we feel unless they have this themselves.

    Wish you a Happy Mother's Day
    Hugs, Butterflydream
  12. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    One daughter is already here...the other has a shopping addiction and claims to be broke. Since she spends $150 for diaper bags (yep...more than one) she probably is. DD was going to cook but so far shes just lying around so were going to the wienie roast. I cant please all the people all the time so Im just going to do what I want. We will have dinner at MILs tomorrow but Ill leave when its time for practice. Maybe sooner if I have to. I get all stressed out at first then get mad then resolve that I have to do whats best for me and to heck what anyone else thinks. Im at the to heck with them phase. I dont care what they think.
  13. spacee

    spacee Member

    Go ahead, toilet paper the coach's house. My oldest played on a highschool football team
    that made it to the state finals. Then lost. Son was the center.

    The coach and I didn't see eye to eye several times.

    And you are correct...don't come to are dropped.

    Thanks for you really sweet words of sympathy. I had some better years on the
    Transfer Factor, as you probably read but not so good now. Sensitivity to light
    and sound are among the most difficult symptoms now.

    You are one funny woman.

  14. HeavenlyRN

    HeavenlyRN New Member that when my hubby and I go places we can always say that I'm not feeling well and have to go. Even if I AM feeling OK!! Yes, I'm baaaaad!

    One thing I did when I became sick(er) last fall was give my family a link to this site so they could read the thread at the top of the FM page about what it's like to have FM/CFS. Thinking back on it, I probably shouldn't have given them the link because I don't want them becoming curious and thinking about lurking and/or reading my posts. However, I needn't have worried because I have a feeling no one ever bothered to look things up. I should have just printed out a couple of pages and sent them to various family members.

    Oh well........I just don't care any more. I yam what I yam (as Popeye used to say).

    Happy Person's Day girls!!

  15. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    Girlfriend...if I dont laugh then Ill cry (tho Ive done that too). I realized recently that Ive been lucky enough to have lived long enough to have had a lot of experiences. They might not have all been good but I took something away from some and left something behind on others. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . How awesome that your son's team went to state! How exciting! Now THAT was an experience! Kids greatgrandpa played college ball. Was all american in 1936. The 1st from the university to get drafted to a NFL team. They didnt pay the mega bucks then so he went into law enforcement instead lol. . . . . . . . . . . . And Jan...leave it to you to find a positive in these DDs! I have to remember that. This is my world here and I wont invite fam members to visit but Im not above going to the library and printing something out. Wonder how many "spoons" it would cost me. Theyre in short supply right now. . . . . . . . . I wont be TPing the coachs house anytime soon. Those people live in the boonies! No way I could make my getaway from out there! I just THOUGHT we lived in the country. Theyre on 250 middle of nowhere acres tho I dont see how they can tell. I was expecting some bearded chain saw wielding frootloop to jump out from nowhere. Was beautiful out there but not for me. Gotta have some civilization. Bears and Bobcats dont count. No mystery to me why theyre expecting baby #5. He probably mistook her grabbing him in fear for something else :)