Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Apr 29, 2009.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    This is not 100% topic related, but it does relate.

    I have a family get together this weekend. They do not believe I have FM and don't want to hear me talk about it. I was also instructed to take my medications in private because "we don't want the kids to think that when you grow up you take pills for everything".

    I do NOT want to go to this or any family gathering (including holidays), and there are other reasons besides my illness, but for the sake of the board I won't get into all of that.

    I was told a week ago that this gathering was coming up and I immediately started feeling sick, anxious, angry, depressed, all of the above. I'm having trouble sleeping and eating. I seriously do not want to go. OF NOTE - I HAVE FELT LIKE THIS WHEN IT COMES TO MY FAMILY FOR A WHILE NOW - AND I GET THESE SYMPTOMS EVERYTIME.

    I'm afraid when I'm there this weekend, I won't be able to contain myself. I'm afraid I will fly off into a rage (I did a little the last time I was there).

    I'm sure most of you will say DON'T GO - but does anyone have any advice on how to handle things if I do?
  2. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    You are right if it is causing you this much upset why would you go?

    Its to bad your family is not supportive,if you had diabetes would they tell you not to take your insulin? Kids understand being sick and taking medicine and they should be educated.

    If you decide to g o limit the visit time. Take your meds before hand. You dont need toxic people in your life.

    take care of you best of luck
  3. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    Sorry you are going through this~ we shouldn't have to deal with this on top of this dd.

    If you do go is there anyone there that you like? That way you have someone that
    you feel comfortable talking too.

    If not do you have a close friend maybe that would go
    with you so you have some support from someone that does understand.

    I agree to limit your time if you do go.

    take care, Susan

  4. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    keep your illness to yourself, meaning no need to talk about how you feel when you're uncomfortable being their in the 1st place.

    If you decide to go and you are enjoying yourself, time goes by and you realize you need your meds, walk to your car and take your meds with no one near.

    If you decide to go shorten your stay. If you were in a rage at the last family get together don't overstay your welcome. i think you definately know what i'm saying.

    I've missed many many family gatherings . One thing i most definately Never do when i do go is speak of my illness. Many just would not understand, so why try to explain.

    Evidently you must be going due to maybe your kids would have a good time. Could someone else take them instead of you going?

    Whatever you decide i hope it all works out for the best. keep us posted on this one, it may just give alot of others in the same situation of what to do.

    Wish you well

  5. TigerLilea

    TigerLilea Active Member

    If you go, don't mention FM and don't take your medications in front of other people. I never mention my CFS at family gatherings. It's not the time or the place! People don't want to hear about other people's medical problems at family gatherings.
  6. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    take a zanax and a friend....

    i think your family will be easier on you if you bring a witness! also, don't talk about your health unless someone is asking sincerely....if you don't know , just change the subject

    leave after a short time

    take pain meds before and after - in private

    never go back...just kidding!

    personally, i wouldn't go...i have laid down the gauntlet with my family....i won't go...that is, my extended family....i still occasionally drag myself out for school programs, graduation, confirmation, etc...and then hubby shovels up the pieces and brings me home....
  7. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    If you went to the family gathering, did they bring up your fibromyalgia or did they keep quiet about your medications & all?

    Hopefull you had a good time & all went well.

    wish you well
  8. faithinlove

    faithinlove New Member

    If you want to go and join your family. As the others have said it would be could if you could take a friend. I know when I go to my family gatherings I never mention about my condition and I do take some extra motrin before even going and also take and extra if I need it. I take myself out of my situation and act as if there is nothing wrong with me and laugh and have fun so I do not let them know how much I really hurt. I want them to have a good time as well as myself trying to enjoy it.
    If I hurt really bad I just try to hide it and come home and go to bed and rest if it has been to long of a day for me.
    If I have to take medicine while I am there I do not let them know it.
    I do hope you go and enjoy it as much as you can.
    wish you the best
  9. cynicaldog

    cynicaldog New Member

    My partner and I were always open about our illnesses because we didn't want anyone to think we were ashamed of them. We also wanted to be honest about why we sometimes skipped family breakfast get-togethers every Saturday morning, and why we sometimes canceled at the last minute. Our illnesses rule our lives, unfortunately, and I'd rather something think I'm sick than think I'm just lazy or antisocial.

    Unfortunately, this all backfired for us, too. We were accused of setting a bad example for "the children" (all over the age of 17), because we're open about taking medication. I wanted people to see you can take meds responsibly and be a functional member of society with them (not a stoned zombie), but that wasn't the message received. Instead of family support, we're constantly belittled and even harassed at times. We've been accused of faking our illnesses, of being "high" at family events (this has NEVER happened)... our attempt to be open and unashamed simply led to backlash.

    I don't know why I need to hide my daily issues from my family. FMS rules my life, it controls when I can leave the house, when I feel like eating, and whether or not I can even wrap gifts for the holidays. Other people talk about their jobs and their kids ad nauseum and no one complains, but when we talk about our day-to-day lives, no one cares. I don't even think we "complain", either... neither of us are Debbie Downer. We're factual and hope we'll get kudos for trying, but instead, be get verbally abused and told that we're just lazy.

    About a month ago I decided to cut off contact with the toxic people in my life, and I'm happier for it. This doesn't mean all family members, but the ones who deny we're sick and tell us to just "pull up our bootstraps", they're out of my life. I already feel less stress and think it was a wise decision. We only have one family and I've always been supportive of all my relatives, even the ones with drug and alcohol problems. When they don't show the same respect for me, I just don't need them in my life. I'm not saying this distance will be forever, but right now, contact with many of them is making me sicker from the stress. My first priority is to myself, and to keep myself healthy. I don't care if it's a blood relative... a jerk is a jerk, and I don't need that kind of person in my life.
  10. sascha

    sascha Member

    knowing i may have to cancel at the last minute, or that if i go i may feel really awful there and have to leave.

    a couple of suggestions: prepare a stock answer if someone asks how you are. just something general and banal to have a response but not get into it.
    -and pick up some flower essence Rescue Remedy at a health food store. i think it's Bach's Rescue Remedy. i recently took some during a stressful situation and i believe it helped. it's a good feeling going somewhere feeling armed.

    the more prepared you are, the better you'll feel. make sure YOU aren't the one with a combative attitude. if they want to be contentious or unpleasant- let them, but don't allow yourself to go there. for your own sake and best interests, go in (if you go) with a calm attitude and resolve to leave quietly if things get tough. make your decisions based on what best takes care of YOU. don't buy into or in any way add to the drama- take yourself outside it entirely.

    hope it goes well. i've been through plenty of similar tough times. adjust your operating mechanism so that you emerge as unscathed as possible from whatever the situation is. best wishes from Sascha
  11. pacotaco

    pacotaco New Member

    I'm with you Tigerlilea, the family already knows what you have so no need to get into it again since they do not understand anyway, or don't want to try....and if you do not take your meds in front of anyone or children, then there you are! no need to explain anything to anyone. Even though you can say to kids that it the same as them taking medicine from mommy when thet're sick , but in different form. No one should make you feel guilty or angry for the hand you have been dealt. try to ignore the ignorant and enjoy what you can focas on and it can be pretty pleasant for you. Wishing you a good time....