any empty nesters

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by andnat, Apr 5, 2008.

  1. andnat

    andnat New Member

    I need advice. Ive been thrown into the empty nest syndrome for 24 years Ive been nothening but a stay at home mom. being a mom was my life and just like that they are gone. I miss them so much it hurts. I dont know how to stop living in the past and move on. Always thought I would be able to do any thing at this point in my life now Iam sick with this dd and do nothening. any advice anyone how do you deal with this..how do you let go?
  2. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    Hi there,

    DH and I have been empty nesters for awhile and have been enjoying it except for feeling like crap. However, i hae felt this way for about 25 years and ws finally dxed about a year or so agao. It's about time don't you think?

    We have 5 children, 4 girls and then a baoy and not 7 grandsons and 1 granddauaghter.

    We do enjoy the peacae and quiet but we are pretty busy now anyway and we do see the kids and grandchildren on
    occasions. I am now doing things I really couldn't do much of when the kids were here. I love to sing and tap dance. Haven't done muych tapping now though since they closed the studio we went to. We danced with the small group we wing with at sr residences, nursing homes, Ladies clubs, etc.

    I could be in the church choir before but then everything else revolved around the kids which I am sure you understand. Now, I am in another small group and a county chorale which I really enjoy. I tell everyone it is my therapy - the singing !!

    Do you have anything that you enjoy when you are by yourself or with tohers. Think about it, maybe something you haven't had much time to do. DH is very involved in the Knights of Columbus at church and also enjoys golf.

    Yes, it will take some adjusting but it can be done and if you have any married children maybae some grandkids will come along to and then you would have some fun with that too later on.

    I see you enjoy the piano. That is great and I would consider that therapy too, reading to but maybe you could do some fun things occasionally with friends together now and then too. Just give it time and think about it. I know you will enjoy it when you have some time to really RELAX as much as you can with these DD's. That is why I think keeping busy is a very good thing, if not now with the kids do so with yourself and your husband. However, it is good to have things you enjoy away from home too. It will not happen overnight but I am sureit will happen in time

    Hope this helps a little bit..

    Blessings and Hugs,

    Granni
  3. biddys2007

    biddys2007 New Member

    Hi: I understand how you feel. We moved to Ky 14 years ago after living in Pa growing up,always near both families and when we left our sons were old enough to stay behind but our daughter came with us,I worked for 7 years in a personnel care home and my hubby drove truck over the road. We knew no one here and my daughter was my only companion for a while and then I made friends at work,that helped,then I got Ra and had to retire at an early age and by then our daughter was on her own and so was I except when my hubby came home. I found getting involved with church helped and I made new friends.I also like to watch t.v crime shows and watch my neighbors little girl every so often. I also read some but need new glasses. It is hard and takes time to adjust. My hubby comes home on the weekends now and we go to yard sales or flea markets when I feel up to it. I also want to join the wellness center in our area,it has a program for people with RA and other health problems. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Funny isn't sometimes we couldn't wait until our kids grew up and then after they are we are wishing we could go back. I felt like that at first but now I kind of like being able to go and come when I want to;even though I miss my kids a lot. No grandchildren and probably none in the near future so I spoil all the neighbors kids. Be patient and good luck. Take care. Biddy
  4. joyfully

    joyfully New Member

    It was hard for me to adjust when I had my son. My hubby and I had been married for 7 years before our son was born.

    My biggest concern when he left was his safety. After graduation from college, he worked for about 8 or 9 years. Much of that work was in Europe and Asia, so he was not only gone from my home---he was also gone from the country.

    He is now in Law School and is living in our home. I really don't see him that much because he is either in class, at the law library, or in his room studying. He and my hubby are the best of buddies. I enjoy having him here, but I'll also enjoy when he is gone. I guess it is one of these darned if you do, and darned if you don't situations.

    I'm trying to think what I did when he left for college. First, I cried. Then I started shopping alot. I did make alot of trips to Michigan when he was living in the states. I'd go up there, tidy his apartment, fill the freezer with food, and fly back home. After awhile, my trips became less frequent.

    no matter how old they get, they are still your children and you worry about them.

    I happen to like to do fine cabinetry work. I also buried myself into projects that kept me busy. I like having him here, but I will also like it when he is in his own place again.

    I began crocheting again and made coats for most of the dogs on my block. yeah, it seems that my dog isn't the only one that is spoiled! I think one of my big hobbies continues to be shopping. I also design and make huge banners for my church. On average, they take about 1 1/2 months each. I don't know what else I do. Mostly housework I guess.
  5. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I, like many others....forgot to plan for what I'd do when my kids moved away.

    When my son left, I bought my Maltese Dixie to be my buddy because I still needed something to 'baby'....

    With my daughter, it's different. She's mentally ill and we've had a horrible time with her being in and out of psych wards, up and down on meds etc....

    She's married now and finally doing well on meds so I do have an empty nest, yet I have a child that often needs me to still be the Mom. Hard to describe.

    The one thing that helped me is knowing I did my job WELL!!!

    I raised great kids, taught them the skills they'd need to survive and now it's their turn to go out into the world and create a life for themselves.

    Hubby and I are both sick but we manage a nice little life. We love to go out to dinner and play online free poker together. We've always been each other's best friends which helps immensely.

    This is what we've worked for....now it's time to sit back and enjoy it.

    Find something you like to do, I also crochet, sew, read, garden.......

    Hugs,

    Nancy