Any Military Wives?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by aka1977, Jun 15, 2006.

  1. aka1977

    aka1977 New Member

    Hello,

    I'm wondering if there are any military wives on this board. I posted about a week ago saying my husband is getting laid off from the same company, second time in less than a year. The job he has in the concrete business is good and pays good when he has it, (NO JOB SECURITY).

    He said to me the other day he was thinking about the military again, he just turned 27, (Only thinking about it). I was wondeing if any of you have any thoughts on a particular branch good/bad, also about military life, housing, insurance, retirement, pets, bootcamp, deployment, and so on. Just anything, I would really like some insight from people who know.

    I would appreciate any info, like I said good or bad about anything.

    Thanks,
    aka1977
  2. Rene

    Rene New Member

    I was a Air FOrce wife for 6 yrs. After reading your bio it says you like to spend time with your family. You will be very isolated in the military if you are mainly a shut in.

    My dad was in the usaf and so was my ex and it is great but if you are sick you will be VERY isolated as its hard to make friends or even keep friends.

    Plus there are lots of deployement depending on the job and also I heard of the bate and switch where you sign up to be one thing and they switch you to another career.

    I wasn't sick then and i loved being an officers wife. But at times it was isolating and you only get to see your family 30 days a year.
    Rene
  3. Teerose

    Teerose New Member

    I'm active duty military and I'm also a military wife( my husband is active duty as well). I think when it coming down to which branch to go into depends on what your husband likes to do.

    The army and the marines are more physical then the navy and the airforce. Military life has it's ups and downs, we are gone alot and there can be alot of moving involved in being in the military. Military housing is good housing allowance depends on the rankand how many dependents the military member has and the house size or number of bedrooms depends on the size of the family. Pets are allowed in military housing some areas only allow pets in housing if they have Microchips in them not all areas are the same.

    Bootcamps is about 8-13 weeks long depending on branch and is designed to train, education and demostrate military life. After bootcamp come school where specific training and education is taught which depends on the type of job that is picked.

    Depolyment, assignments, detachments depending on the branch and can range from 90 days to over a year.

    The military take care of all of your medical, dental needs as long a you are using a military hospital or going to a doctor or hospital recommended by the military , and there is also life insurance which we pay a small fee a month for. Life insurace for a military member is 400,000.00 unless the military member elect to have a lower amount, spouse can also be cover under the same life insurance. There is a small fee for medical and dental each month when a military member have dependents ( wife, husband, kids, etc).I hope this helps..

    Teerose
  4. mary124

    mary124 New Member

    I'm not a wife but a Mom-- My son is in the Reserves (Army)
  5. MamaDove

    MamaDove New Member

    Hi Hon,

    Saw your post and thought I wouldn't comment until I saw the end, saying good OR bad experiences, so here goes...

    To make an extremely long story as short as possible, I will attempt to condense my experience along with fibro fog so get ready...tehe

    I met my now husband in 1985, he had been in the Coast Guard for a few years and was discharged a year prior to us meeting...

    He is WONDERFUL in every way EXCEPT for the baggage he carries from the service and his more than dysfunctional family...

    While in service, he did and saw things that we wouldn't ordinarily consider normal duty but nevertheless, he went through it...

    He had his first grand mal seizure on duty and was treated like a subhuman, taken to base, treated for glucose issues and sent back on duty...Little did he know, his nightmare had begun...He attempted to go on with his life, working full-time jobs and always excelling due to him wanting to make a good life for us...Each seizure did more damage and once I got into the picture I demanded answers! His Neurologist asked the VA for his charts, esp, medical charts tied to the original episode...He was denied access due to the 'fact' that he never served in the USCG...You read it right...The VA denied he was in the military EVER.
    His neuro told me he could do no more because he needed a full history...

    After 20 years and a ongoing battle I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, he has received what he needs to live with this illness...

    Lack of sleep and exposure to toxins as well as vaccines for who knows what, he lives everyday with the fear of the next time being the last and unable to get definitive answers for his illness along with the wonderful care he gets from the VA (I say that with the utmost sarcasm)...
    He fears for my future if/when something happens to him, he can only obtain minimal life insurance due to his illness noone else will cover him...He can no longer work and the remnants of the experience haunt him everyday...He doesn't say anything but he shows it constantly...It's a daily battle to deal with this for the last 21 years but I fell head over heels in love with him and then found out there was this ugliness beneath...I promised him when we married that I would always be there, I guess that's why he stays with me during all my dd's...

    And the kind of man he is, when 9/11 happened, he inquired if his skills were needed (expert marksman)...He actually wanted to sign up when the war began...If they would allow him to go, he would have been there a long time ago...

    Now granted my experience with my husband and the VA may be extreme and rare but if I had the choice (which was not afforded me)I would have changed the course of my history. Being that I got the most wonderful man is worth the trade-off of the constant worry of his illness and everything that goes along with it...

    My take on the military is, don't enlist for the bennies only...If it is in your blood, you join! Some look for the 'perks' such as housing, further education, medical insurance (to pay for the lil ones that seem to keep coming). I also know men that pushed pencils for the military and are now retired with big fat pensions and have tons of $$$ and a life of leisure (nice job if you can get it)...

    For me, I would give everything I have to take his seizures away and the PTSD he's had to endure...You don't know until it's too late unfortunately...S**T Happens! Through all of this only my parents understood and cared enough to listen and help us...We have accomplished much in our life together but that was due to the love we found...Life's not perfect but it could have been close if not for his stint in the USCG...And again, he would do it all over for his country...And I do it everyday, for love...

    Talk this all over, the good, the bad, the possibilities...Get online and research...Military.com has a few good links, also VA.gov can give you ideas as to insurance, pay, bennies etc...

    As you know allready, there is nothing more important than good health...The risks are there in anything you do but again, my experience has taken a big part of me (I refer to myself as a casualty of peacetime)...

    I hope for your husband(and you), that he opens the newspaper tomorrow and finds a local, good paying job, with good bennies, close to home and enough $$$ that you can live comfortably...

    I hope I didn't come off as a crybaby or opinionated or anti-military, I'm none of these...As someone once said, "WALK A DAY IN MY SHOES".

    Good Luck to you and your family, I hope you find what you are looking for and that only good things come your way...

    Peaceful days ahead~Alicia
  6. Treca

    Treca New Member

    Hubby is in the Army. I'll answer your questions one by one and of course these are only my opinions.



    OK not to be negative but, it takes a VERY strong women to be a military wife. Just know that if your husband goes into the military he WILL go to the middle east. There is no way around this unless your husband has some kind of training that can get him into a non-deployable job then he is going and he will be gone for a year and no less.



    Housing- It depends on where you go. So far we have been at Ft. Stewart and HATE it. Housing here is really bad but, they are putting up new housing left and right. You have to at least have 2 children boy and girl to get into them though.



    Insurance- Is very good but, can be a pain in the butt. It is worth it though. Just be warned that military doctors are no good the majority of the time. I got lucky this time around and found a good one. I suggest that you just keep looking and if you can't find a good military doctor then go outside of the military and get a referral.



    Retirement- If your husband decides to stick it out and go the whole way then it is very good. My mom is always saying if hubby stays with the Army then we have medical for free for life and of course we have a pay check at all times. Of course the other members of the board who have been through this will be more informative.



    Pets- Here at Ft. Stewart you can have 2 domestic animals. Of course you can't leave them outside. You have to keep up your yard if you have dogs. All the common sense stuff.



    Boot camp- If your husband has already been in the military once I don't think he has to do boot camp again. At least with the Army he doesn't. If he hasn't been in the military before then with the Army they get your butt in shape and it's just a process of weeding out the guys that can take it and pull through and the guys that can't. They want leaders and good soldiers. They need to know that you can make it.



    Deployment- My hubby has been to Iraq twice. The first one was EXTREMELY hard for me. It was when the war first started and I had just had my son(hubby was already in Kuwait waiting to go to Iraq and they gave him emergency leave to be here for our sons birth). I only got phone calls 1 or maybe 3 months apart and they where only for no more then 20mins. I got letters but, only every once in awhile because the military mail was so slow. It was really bad for me and I had to go on PaxilCR for help.



    The second time hubby had to go over ( he was home for a year) it was easier for us. They allowed the soldiers mid-tour leave and he got 2 weeks to come home. We were lucky because he got to have leave in the middle of his tour. We had internet and web cams. We talked almost everyday. That is the only way we got through the deployment. We have always said that if we hadn't had the internet we would have had serious mental problems. So the second one wasn't so bad.



    If your husband does decide to go into the military please keep in mind that your husband will have memories of deployment that you will probably never know. Dark things that he will never be able to tell you. You may have to be strong for you both because he may not be able to take it once he gets back from deployment. I know that my husband had nightmares for awhile after he got back and I learned NEVER to touch him first. I had to say his name over and over again until he woke up and then I would touch him. My first experience was a scary one because while he was having a nightmare I touched him not knowing and he tried to choke me. I was able to stop him from touching my neck and I screamed his name 3 times and he woke up. So never ever touch him first if he is having a nightmare. Also, please be aware that he may become abusive, he may become a hermit and not want to go anywhere, he may want nothing to do with you or the children if you have any. If these are the cases then you need to get him medical help if he won't do it himself.



    I hate to be negative because the military does offer a lot of good things, but this is the reality of the Army. This is not to say that your husband will be affected like that but, your husband will be slightly changed. There is just no way around it. This second time around for us really changed my husband in his aggressiveness. He is not aggressive toward me or my son or any of his family it is just in his manner when talking about things that involve fighting of any kind or if something were to happen to me or my son whatever it may be.


    It is sad to say that my hubby does not like the majority of the people of Iraq and has some hatred for them as well. I can't say that I blame him because of what he has been through and had to do and has seen over there. He has told me stories that I will never repeat to anyone. It just blows the mind. I believe this is the reason for his heightened aggressiveness. If I see it becoming worrisome then I will seek medical help.


    I'm sure that others have happier stories to tell but, you have to know the risk that is involved and what could possibly happen since it will be your life if you choose this path.


    I hope that you and your husband can make the right decision for yourselves. Don't let anyone push you into anything. This is not an easy decision so think about it long and hard before you decide.


    God bless you and your husband aka1977. I pray you find your answers that you need soon.

    Take Care,
    Treca :)

    Sorry so long I hope I spaced out the paragraphs enough. If not I'll change it. If you have any questions for me let me know. :)
  7. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i spent 10 years w/my ex while married to him while he was in the u.s.c.g.....

    have your hubby go through the d.a.v....not the va....dav will get him so much more than the v.a. for benefits....

    and the uscg was a good experience for my ex-and i ....but there are ups and downs...by downs were i had to always change jobs....because of his transfers...so he always had a job...

    he spent time in haite and cuba..and many other places....

    he was in the national honor guard...great experience...for him and i...

    but also the benefits were better than they are now for retirement...

    coast guard are deployed out to sea longer than any navy personal are typically....

    i had to learn to do my own thing....stayed out of the military wives gossip stuff. i went to college and worked...alot of them didn't back then....

    but i am all for the uscg for anyone...officer is the way to go...more money...

    then it would be air force next...

    well that is my personal opinion...we are all bias when it comes to our military services....

    but i have worked out of the pentagon and other top secrets sites and deal with different branches...

    met some wonderful people along the line...

    saw some great parts of our nation...but i have dealt w/some crappy military hospitals for issues of my own...

    well please go through d.a.v....in your local area....they help and advocate for our disabled ex-veternans...they have attorneys...etc...

    jodie