anybody else have serious problem w/ clutter and messy house?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by bigmama2, Jul 11, 2006.

  1. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    HI EVERYONE!!

    I have had CFS symptoms for 11 years, and been in my current house for 4 years. It is a MESS!!! My family once jokingly refered to it as a crack house. I never have people over.

    Once I had a new friend over and I cleaned for days in advance. The house was looking pretty good (I thought), but my friend said "whoa, how can you live here with all this STUFF?!" She wasn't trying to be mean, but I was a little bummed.

    Well- good news-- I have recently (for 2 months) been working really hard to declutter, organize, and clean the house. It looks so much better!! If I keep at it, in a nother few months I could have people over for dinner!!

    Anybody else want to share about clutter/cleaning problems or progress? I'm hoping to transform myself from a slob to a neat freak, or at least normal!!! hehehhe

    BigMama2
  2. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I have a nice house!

    But my husband and I both work over 40 hours a week......we have dachshunds and two teenage boys living at home..............

    No matter how hard I try my house is always a little messy, dirty, and most of all disorganized!

    The last several years since my fm/cfids has gotten less tolerable I find it harder and harder to keep up!

    It bothers me a LOT! I love to have people over but I never feel comfortable since my house is in disarray!

    I just do NOT have the energy to keep it the way I want it!

    My two sons living at home both have disabilities and they try to do what I ask, but I may as well do it myself if you know what I mean? LOL

    I always "threaten" that Iam going to hire a cleaning lady ......and if I can ever find one that I can trust I am going to do it so I can have my house CLEAN and organized!!!!!!!!

    XO
    Doxy
  3. Cycie

    Cycie New Member

    Hi BigMamma2

    I have this prob soooo BAD it is doing my head in.
    No matter how hard I try I cannot get through, i also have a prob with going to Op shops/Tip Shops and buying more and more stuff, my garage is so full I can't get my car in there

    I have printed out "The Flyladys" "A Tale of Clutter" and it is on the wall beside my computer, but I may as well left it on the net where I found it.
    People come to visit and ask me if I am moving house and I find that very hurtfull, it's not as if they don't know about the illness.

    I start my day saying to myself ok you go from one thing to another, soooo how about doing one room ata time, but that doesn't work either?????
    I have no idea what or how to fix this prob, but I wish I did, my kids and my girlfriend kids used to call their Mother and I , Mrs and Mrs Disenfectant, because we were always cleaning but not now.........

    If you find out how to fix it, let me know will ya....

    Take care and lots of Gentle HUGS...cycie
  4. PianoGirl

    PianoGirl New Member

    I dusted and vacuumed every day (we have 2 golden retrievers with LOTS of fur) I did my kitchen floor on my hands and knees.

    The way my house is now is driving me absolutely bonkers. Can't seem to keep up with anything. Laundry is always a hassle, paperwork has taken over several places in the house, i can't even seem to get it together to pay my bills right. I am always late, i think about it and then forget about them.

    i'm lucky to sweep the kitchen floor twice a week, unless the kids do it. We put in hardwood floor in our living room and dining room to cut down on the dust and fur problem, i few strokes with the swiffer and voila, the floor is now clean.

    We bought a cabinet and started organizing "stuff". We put all the razors in a box and medicine in a container. We labeled everything so nobody has to say, where is the ??? It is helping a little. The junk drawer in the kitchen is actually accessible now. The trouble of it is, i started this job and now just haven't done anything for several days cause i just don't have the energy.
  5. pammy52

    pammy52 New Member

    Hi...
    I understand completely!

    If anyone who knew me years ago had to guess who lived in my house now they would be totally amazed it was the same person.

    Of course part of my house has been in remodel mode for years so that doesn't help.
    I did manage to get rid of a lot of things at one point which made it easier to clean but over the last 2 yrs. it is just too much to do even a weekly good cleaning.
    our 2 furkids are longhair cats and there are times when you'd think we had 6 or 7 cats from the size of the furballs rolling around.

    I too rarely have anyone over other than my family.
    1 brother and his wife haven't been here in 3 yrs. and not because they aren't welcome..but because they don't understand why i can't keep things more tidy and dusted and vacuumed.
    Now if it was a case of garbage and stinky stuff etc. I could accept that but knowing i am not well and hold down a full time job..it is one of the hurts that i have had to learn to let go of.

    if that can't love me enough to come to see me and not my house then i guess they are not worth all the energy i have wasted over the years feeling badly about it.

    i am welcome at their house anytime...of course i am too tired to get there so...............
    of course if they wanted to send their house cleaner here a few times a month i wouldn't object. lol

    do what you can and get rid of what you really don't use.
    that's the only thing i try to focus on.

    pammy
  6. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    no husband so that helps...i am fornate i am a little ocd...so i like it clean and tidy...but when i am depressed...watch out my bills get piled up in my room...near my desk...sometimes if i have or expect people over i throw that stack of papers in a wardrobe closet...

    but really i am not a clutter collector...the opposite...i was in the military. spouse of one...so we had moved like 9 times in ten years...so i just got used to throwing things out or selling them..etc,,

    i was a dental assistant so you need to be very organized and tidy...so i was my nature....

    not bragging here...but i can get so depressed that i just can not deal with filing the paperwork away...i just do the basics..pay the bills...

    then i will get to it when i maybe out of my funk for awhile...

    jodie
  7. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    and it is no picnic. My husband comes from a family of hoarders and he too is a hoarder. As he gets older it is getting worse. I also think he may have some kind of dementia starting.

    Now, I am not a neat freak mind you. But I know where all my stuff is, and my clothes fit me. He is keeping clothes he wore 20 years ago. He has taken 80 percent of the closet we share. I have no room for my things.

    He brings home tons of food. Most of it rots. A great deal of it is stuff I don't eat and neither do the kids. His father used to buy 50 pounds of bananas at a time. We all know how long bananas keep right? The bananas sat in his special room along with all his other junk and rotted. Now his son is getting just like him.

    A few years ago he lugged home an old wood stove. It sat in our cellar until just recently when I gave him an ultimatum to get rid of it. Our cellar is full of old parts, broken equipment, typewriters (yes, we owned part of a typewriter store years ago), computer parts, speakers, toys from his childhood, blankets his mother knitted for him, the list is endless.

    Upstairs his paperwork is all over the house, he has taken over our bedroom and the screen porch too. He loses his keys and wallet daily.

    If I throw stuff out, he sneaks out to the trash and brings it back in. He also writes on the walls.

    I used to do a pretty good job of picking up around here but the last two years my FM and then Crohn's got so bad I can't keep up, and he has become more insistent in his hoarding ways.

    I can no longer have guests over, and the kids are totally embarrassed. I try to just pick up my own stuff. Even that is a struggle. I am losing the battle.

    I am being treated for serious depression, and we are on the verge of a divorce because of this among other things.

    Dr. Phil did a good show on hoarding. Anyone see it?

    Michelle
  8. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    Between flares and hubby changing clothes at least twice a day, it takes all I've got just to try and keep up with the laundry. He helps an awful lot with chores though. Actually he doesn the majority of them. I've been blessed there, but I feel so guilty about that most of the time.
    I don't feel like he got the wife that he thought he waws getting (I had my first real flare that knocked me completely off my feet about a year after we married)

    The dilemma is that we are both hopeless pack rats and don't throw things away. We're always afraid that we'll need it later for something.

    POINT: Hubby did a sermon this weekend about us not being able to "fix" people. I had a coffee cup that just broke last week with handle broken off perfectly that I just hadn't thrown away yet. He threw it away and then decided to use the broken cup as a visual aid. We had to break a handle off another perfectly good cup, when I already had one that he could have used if he hadn't thrown it away. Therefore I "wasted" another good cup.

    How sad is that!!! I've always heard "waste not, want not", but I'm seriously going to need a dump truck to haul off all of this junk we've collected. We've mutually decided that we're throwing at least half of everything in the house away......and then tackling the storage building too. I think that living in all this clutter can't possibly be helping me any.

    It's stressful living in a mess all the time. But what do you do? One girlfriend wanted to help and made an even bigger mess than I had before. My Mom has even offered to come over and help, but how do I tell her what to throw away? We don't usually have company over to visit any more. There's only one couple that visits and I always apologize for the mess when they get here.

    I think it would be easier to just move than it would be to clean this house....
  9. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I have been trying to go thu closets and stuff cause we are moving soon. I'm downsizing our household also. keeping only what we use and need.

    I truly believe that a clean neat home will help you feel better. That cleanliness is next to Godliness. or how ever that goes.

    I started out just doing a drawer at a time then a closet taking and keeping only what we use and need. I am so tired with these DD's ,but doing even this, a little at a time Has given me a sense of accomplishment with something in life. Something to feel good about. Its not much but its something positive
  10. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I am not well I have a hard time cleaning.

    My friends should come to see me not my messy house.

    If they come to see the house and not me oh well your not my friend.

    I do what I can.Dont like it dont come.

    Sue
  11. UnicornK

    UnicornK New Member

    I have been feeling all alone with my messy house. It hurts to bend over to pick stuff up; it hurts to vaccuum; it hurts to dust...you get the picture!

    I can't afford a cleaning service. Hubby helps as much as he can.

    I've tried ways to "cheat". I have a rolling chair and I drag a bag around with me and pick up stuff. I also got a plastic "milk" crate for each room and I'll drag each one around and then put that crate in its room. Only problem...then I have to empty the crate! LOL

    Hubby vaccuums for me...it's just too heavy for me.

    House just seems to get ahead of me every time, though. LOL

    God bless.

    BTW...there was/is a thread here with helpful hints for cleaning.
  12. Denamay

    Denamay New Member

    I think I am married to your husband's brother.

    We have 10 old style typwriters, 15 radios, I don't know how many clocks, Over 4,000 books[honest],clothes from way back plus new clothes that he got on sale, he has 30 pairs of trousers.

    Our basment full is of his stuff,as well as two garages, the back porch and some of the back yard.

    Some how I have managed to keep the rest of the house looking half decent.

    I claimed the spare bedroom as MINE. I also keep his stuff out of my half of our shared bedroom and the dining room.

    The rest is up for grabs.

    I think part of the problem comes from him growing up in the depression of the dirty thirties.

    Hoarding is also a diagnosed psyciatric condition. Heaven help the one who throws any thing away!

    I even keep my own hidden trash container. Otherwise goes he through the trash and I find some stuff that I threw away, stored in the garage.Love Denamay
  13. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    I never realized it was a serious mental condition until I saw it on TV. I thought I was the only one had this problem. I know it can not be cured. I am going through therapy now and taking AD's to determine what I want to do with the rest of my life (I am only 50 and I don't consider myself old; he is 56 and has an old mindset he learned from his dad). He has taken over all the house with his collecting and cluttering and I am too sick now to clean it any more, and every time I do he goes at it again with a vengeance and it gets worse.

    Dr. Phil said it was a control issue.

    Who the heck needs those typewriters any more?

    I'm so glad somebody understands; I feel so weird sometimes.

    (((((Hugs)))))))
    Michelle
  14. mrdad

    mrdad New Member


    Hang on, I'll be right with ya. I know my keyboard's

    under here somewhere!!!

    MRDAD
  15. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    maybe you could put out an ad on here for house cleaners..
    pat yourself on the back for starting to organize your home...

    i am always thinking there maybe something else i can throw out...

    jodie

  16. PianoGirl

    PianoGirl New Member

    I have two plaques on my wall,

    One says, "You can look at my dust, just don't write in it"

    and the other says "If you came to see me, come on in, if you came to see my house, make an appointment"

    That pretty much sums up how things are any more.
  17. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    I have not stopped at garage sales for a long time, years really. I always find some things that "I need and did not know I needed it". Well, I really did not.

    I keep getting rid of things. Salvation Army and such appreciates it and it is tax deductible. So you can look at it as saving money on Taxes.

    I no longer buy in bulk. I try and keep clutter down. I own my house, I do not want it to own me. I try to have some kind of organization and really....it helps us feel better in many ways.

    I have few pockets of clutter. Always a stack of stuff to file. A storeage closet that has not been touched "forever".
    But I am always meaning to get to it! Lots will go.

    My other closets are fine.

    More and more I am learning to go through my mail and get rid of junk mail right away and make decisions......like do I really want to contribute to that charity. Do I really want to subscribe to that magazine, etc.

    No I no longer get magazines...for two reason. I never want to toss them out. Many has scented inserts that makes me sick.

    I try.....I am not perfect. OH...I also have a lady that comes in every week for a couple of hrs. She does my floors and whatever else I want done...

    One of these days I will have her help me with that closet......LOL.........Susan


  18. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    My sons mother in law sold her home and moved to a retirement village. Not big at all. She got rid of lots.

    My son was surprised when he asked me how in the world I could ever decide and do that.I said I would not look at what I have.....but make a new life...

    I would look at my new place and decide what I needed for that place. Not at what I have now, but to make a new place of comfort. I would only take what I needed to be comfortable and things I really would use.

    I have three couches now for example and might not take any of them. They are nice, but maybe not right for my new life.
    Do I really need three curios with my collectables? No.

    kids could have many pictures (photos) and keep sakes, etc.

    We need to make a new mindset at looking at things and being not upset by too much stuff that we can not handle.

    By giving some away, we can select who gets certain things and not leave it for others when I pass on to argue about.

    The more I get rid of now....the more free I feel...
    Susan
  19. G.I.Jane

    G.I.Jane New Member

    Hi! FlyLady's website has tons of tips and info, there's even a book I think. I made a big binder of her ideas and it helps me - I'm a natural pack rat - oi! Good luck! ~Jane
  20. BethM

    BethM New Member

    We sold our home of 20 years last December. It was so freeing to get rid of about 3/4 of what was in the house!!! It was actually easier than I thought to let stuff go, because it was easier to be rid of it than pack it.

    We are in a small 2 bedroom apartment now, hope to move to a larger place, with a yard for the dogs, in the fall. I suspect we will be getting rid of some of the stuff in storage, too. I don't remember what is there! Although I would like to find my crock pot and my big electric skillet...

    It will be easier to keep this little place tidy after our elder son moves out next week. He finally found a place to move to! I taught him better, but he is very messy, doesn't clean up after himself. Light at the end of the messiness tunnel!

    My spouse is not very tidy either, but our standards have changed over the years and we sort of meet in the middle now. I like a clean, neat, tidy house, but there are other, more interesting things to do than clean the house!

    I've rambled enough already!

    hugs,
    Beth.