Anybody have "Empty Nest Syndrome" or been there?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by steach, Nov 15, 2009.

  1. steach

    steach Member

    Hi Friends-

    I thought I'd seek your advice and wisdom. My family is in a "transition" period right now. I have a duaghter who was recently married, expecting in March, and no longer lives at home. My other older two children work full-time and I hardly ever get to see them; they have been talking about getting their own apartment. They both have a steady relationship and visit their significant others' families for holidays. Mom's house is no longer the "central gathering place"- it feels very lonely and unfamiliar.

    Since my children were little, everyone used to come to my house for all holidays b/c my house was big enough to accommodate everyone-now, the kids have other places to go. My house is now just a house and I feel very lonely, even though I have a significant other.

    I know this should be the time in his and my life to spend more time with each other but it feels so empty with just the two of us. He and I do not have extended families (both his parents and mine are gone) so we can't visit our parents and our siblings don't live close to us.

    So, we just sit home alone and watch TV...boring, lonely, and depressing. What are some things that we can do to be around others to share the holidays?

  2. jole

    jole Member

    What a difficult spot to be in, isn't it? Our kids/grands all come home every other holiday, and they love getting together. But the "other" holiday is spent with their in-laws, as it should be. Those times for us are also lonely and depressing. Do you live in town where you could at least go out for a nice holiday meal? That should help some. We live in the country, so even that's out of the question.

    Some churches put on Thanksgiving dinners for those who have nowhere to go.....not just for the poor....but a gathering spot for people who are alone.

    Hope others have ideas...ours is pretty much like the only thing that helps is to remember that they're over in 24 I do watch a lot of religious programs on Christmas, but Thanksgiving and New Year's is very long!
  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    we have no parents or other close relatives left either, only our 2 kids, plus the fact we moved 2,000 miles away. It is going to be rare for both of our kids to visit us, or us them, all at the same time because of money and also because our daughter also splits holidays between us and her BF's family.

    It takes some getting used to, I do miss it all; but given my lesser energy, in many ways I'm relieved.

    Now that we're so far away, we get together with a few others here for the holidays, which is fun - very relaxed, everybody brings something... and we talk to the kids by phone.

    I think I've gotten used to it and made my peace with it... as we all need to. It was different when I was a kid and nobody ever moved away, but not true anymore - especially since we're the ones who kept moving away (first from Chicago, then from Georgia...)

    #1 reason those who have moved to sunnier climes for retirement (anywhere) move back to original environs, is to be nearer family. Or if their family is spread out, they pick a child to live close to. No surprise...

    all the best,
  4. spacee

    spacee Member

    We live in a small town where it seems like everyone's relative has never moved away. So they have more than they can do with their families.

    This Christmas we will have one son home but I can easily see the day when we will have no one. It is a change and it is hard on the emotions that is for sure.

    I wish I had some answers but all I have is that I understand.

  5. victoria

    victoria New Member

    what about sharing some time, even just an hour or so, if you can, visiting those who have no one to care about them in a nursing home....

    some are all alone in the world, doing something like that would certainly lift my spirits as well as their's, I think.

    all the best,

  6. kjade

    kjade New Member

    I'm sorry....that sounds so hard. My kids are still little, but I do dread the day that they are all gone and we are here alone. I know that is going to be really tough.

    With us, we try to visit both sides of the family on the holidays. That way, no one really ever gets hurt or feels left out. (although come to think of it, it seems that someone always DOES get mad at us for something.....)
    For instance, on Christmas, we spend X-mas Eve with my in-laws, and Christmas day with my family. On Thanksgiving, I have the family here, so both sides get to see us.

    Can your family do something like that? Or how about if you can't get together on the actual holiday because your family is with their in-laws, can you plan a date to celebrate instead? Like the day after Christmas? My brother's family does that - they have 6 different families that they have to visit.

    I hope this helps in some way, and I hope this holiday season isn't lonely or depressing for you.
    Best wishes. :)
  7. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I can relate to you very much. I used to have all my children home, then when they did get married, they were always home for the holidays, along with their friends as well. I always had a house full, and a phone that never stopped ringing. Now even the phone is dead :(

    Now my two son's live in another state, my daughter is a realestate agent, has little time to stop by, and my two grandchildren, one is still at home with his parents, the other in yet another state! My husband is in Asia, and does not come home often.

    I am alone with my dogs :), thank God for dogs!! they are the only company that is constant.

    It is a lonely life to say the least.

    Being sick does not help, as I can't do the things I used to do with the FM and CFS. So I have turned into a tv nut. Which is something I never did in my life before. I only watched the news then.

    I have no answers for you, if anyone else does, I would be glad to head them!

    I need someone to stay with me (the house is big enough for two families!), but my entire family is deceased except for my children and grandchildren. But its also impossible to find a really decent woman to have live with me.

    I just do the best I can, but its darn lonely being alone so much, and too sick to do very much to entertain myself.

    Hopefully we both get a break in our situation!

    God bless hon, good thoughts for you too.

    Shalom, Shirl