Anyone else doubt their ability to make rational decisons?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by anniegetyourgun, Apr 23, 2003.

  1. anniegetyourgun

    anniegetyourgun New Member

    I'm wondering how others in my situation cope with everyday decisions...On more than one occasion I have seriously doubted my ability to make life-altering decisions. I used to have a good head on my shoulders and simply KNOW what was the best thing for me. These days I realize that I may no longer be capable of making decisions on any level that I can be certain of.

    I'm single, live alone, have friends and family who try to be supportive, yet don't understand that this time around I am the one needing advice, support, and help making decisions that will ultimately have a major impact on my life. I used to be "the rock" and everyone came to ME with their problems. They can't seem to accept that I am in need of their input, and have been for nearly three years. I constantly hear "You're strong. You're smart. You'll get through this, just like you always do." Meanwhile I feel as if I am losing my mind and constantly doubt my own judgement about actions I take and decisions I make. I don't have anyone I can lean on, or shall I say anyone I feel comfortable relying on to that degree.

    I won't elaborate, but suffice to say that my quality of life has deteriorated to a mere existence with very little joy or hope for the future. I'm praying for a miracle.

    So, I'd appreciate any input from other single former-career women w/o kids. How do YOU do it?

    Annie
  2. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I, too, get tired of hearing how strong and smart I am. My best advice for decision-making is to try to not make spur of the moment decisions if it is something important. If you can, ask friends or family for 3 different opinions before forming your own. If it's a yes or no decision, and I am at all doubtful, I usually say no, preferring to err on the side of caution. If you are able, writing down the pros and cons of every decision can be helpful. Allow yourself time to think and reflect on all possible outcomes. I know this is hard in our condition. My life too has been reduced to a joyless existence. Good luck.

    Hippo
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I think all of us go through this type of indecision. I was really bad with it last year, but am back to my normal self with the decisions again. But I did stop all the helping others thing!

    I make lists of things to do, and the important stuff I highlight.

    I try to pay the bills twice a month, all at the same time that way I don't 'forget' to pay something (which I have done in the pass).

    I write on a desk calender what needs to be done, along with what supplements I take and the time I took them. I have taken the same thing twice, or didn't take it at all before.

    I keep a running grocery list on the fridge, when I run out of something, I write it down right then and there, otherwise I will forget untill I need it again. I live in the country, so going to the store is a 30 mile round trip!

    My ability to concertrate has improved by drinking water, I know that sounds nuts, but I did not drink any water at all before, only to take a pill. I guess I was dehydrated to the max.

    I am not alone, but my children are all grown and except for my daughter live a distance from me, my daughter lives five miles away, but she does work and I see her about once a week.
    My husband works for an oil company so he is gone for weeks at a time. He has never been the decision maker anyway, just the 'bread winner'!

    I do read a lot, and do things that keep my mind active, which is a big help for me.

    I had to learn to say 'no', like you, I was always everyones problem solver. I have even eliminated all the people in my life that cause me stress. I am so much better for that decision.

    I never make a decision if I am stressed, in pain, or in the morning! In fact, I don't answer the phone untill after 12 noon. I just let the machine take a message. I doubt if I could tell you my middle name when I first wake up.

    HOpe you find some solutions for yourself. Its a lot of trial and error with the fibro fog.

    Shalom, Shirl


    PS. I also found a few times when I would ask for advice, that my family started to think I was 'losing' it! I believe that is when I started to listen to others here on the board, and found ways to help myself.

    When I first moved here, I had a serious problem with snakes, they would come on the patio, up the walk, even had one in the utilityroom. Well I told my son, and he thought I was just saying this to get 'attention', you talk about one furious lady! He was lucky he was on the phone and not at arms reach!

    I took pictures of the snakes, then shot them! I sent him the pictures of snakes on the patio!!! Needless to say he apologized! But you need to be careful what you complain about, some people will think you are nuts!!!

    [This Message was Edited on 04/23/2003]
  4. anniegetyourgun

    anniegetyourgun New Member

    Thanks for your advice. I appreciate it!
    Annie
  5. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    Yes, I `m that way also now. I used to be so independant and self-suffient and making decisions was easy for me. Now, its like I don`t quite trust myself anymore. My brain is so foggy and unfocused its really hard for me to concentrate on anything. But what do you do? Don`t make any big life decisions I guess.

    I also notice I`m having a hard time concentrating on my driving. If this keeps up I won`t be driving much either.

    Sandyz
    [This Message was Edited on 04/24/2003]
  6. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    I could have written your post, word for word. It scares the heck out of me. The worst part is I can made a decision one day, and the next day feel completely different about it and wonder why I decided the way I did. My personality has changed a great deal, and I wonder if I will completely disappear.
    I also could have written part of Shirl's answer to you. I also find that putting absoultely everything on a calendar and having a grocery list on the fridge all the time, really helps. I would add that I put things on that grocery list according to where they are in the store, so I don't have to backtrack when I go there.
    I doublecheck my bankbook by adding checks back with a calculator to make sure I subtracted correctly.
    All I can suggest is to try to take it slowly and give yourself a break....nobody is perfect. I know plenty of "normals" who are much less rational and much more ditsy than I am, and I'll bet you do too!
    In empathy,
    Klutzo
  7. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    Hi Annie--
    I hear you...my cognitive functions, decision making skills, memory, comprehension, word ability and recognition, spelling....all have been impaired.

    I understand the frustration this creates. I too, was a rock, the ole reliable---able to multi-task with ease,and my, how that has changed. There are days I am at a loss for correct words.
    If I "think" of something---my mind convinces me it is a task already accomplished.
    I am simply unable to make decisions, mentally---I use to be able to mentally list pro's and con's of a situation, and formulate a good decision with out concious thought.

    I don't quite fit your bill--I formerly had a career...and I have lots of children, but I am not single.

    I think what must occur whether alone, or with a significant other is realize that a major change has taken place. We grieve this occurance, and then we must accept it, live with it, and find any and all tools to compensate for it.

    I have resorted to much list writing--and still try to stay involved in family decisions. Instead of mentally working through the process (where I get befuddled and lost), if I put things on paper, I can re-read as many times as necessary. Sometimes if I am at a loss, I can run to my paper later on, and add something I have remembered before I lose it again.

    My values haven't changed so my decisions are still as they would have once been, its just the process of arriving at those decisions--that is new.
    It takes longer, and is more difficult---but the results are the same.

    Best wishes,
    LL
  8. Fibrohoneyt

    Fibrohoneyt New Member

    Hi, I"m Becky,

    I totally doubt my abilities to make decisions....
    I'm really spaced out all the time, and i'm hardly on any meds.I tend to remember things when they are out of impulsivity. i've been wondering if this symptoms normal im FMS, or if i'm just "stupid".I'm single, in a long term relationship, 13 years, and i feel HE has to do most of my dirtywork for me. He does all the shopping. If i'm in a store, im so indecisive, it takes me an hour to pick up a few items. I know what its like having the doubts, even tho i'm not really alone.
    Becky :)
  9. Spoonerpaws

    Spoonerpaws New Member

    I am praying for a miracle too, and pray for one for you

    Yes, I doubt my ability to make decisions these days too!
  10. Dayle

    Dayle New Member

    I noticed so many are saying that they can't think straight or make decisions & I am in the same boat. But last year when I was suffering from clinical depression I could not even decide what to eat. It was very scary. I am just so greatful that the Effexor I was given was exactly what I needed. I understand that sometimes it takes a long time before the right antidepressant is found.
    Now I can make decisions & I know exactly what I want. I still can't think straight BUT NOW I CAN LAUGH AT MY POOR MEMORY.
    LOL,,,D.